tough moving on!!

[noahsmummy12]

i split up with my sons father in feb. i am over it nd never want to get back with him, with the hell hes put me thru. i hav met another man, hav been dating him for a few months and really like him, hes such a great guy, best guy ive ever known in fact, so sweet, kind, loving and caring. trouble is i am trying every thing i can to push him away, not purposly i dont think, but i just seem to do it, nd i know he wants to get more serious but i just dont think i can. i dont think i can do it all again, i feel like im just better off on my own. im goin out of my mind trying to figure out what to do. ne1 got ne advice plz

It sounds like you haven't given yourself enough time to get over the whole bad experience with your ex. I'm not saying that you're not over your ex, just that perhaps after having been in a long term relationship you might have lost yourself slightly with all the compromises you had to make for that relationship IYSWIM, and now your inner voice is telling you that you now need to find yourself again and have some selfish 'you focus'. I don't know if that makes sense, but I think that even though this man is probably diffferent and lovely caring etc, a part of you realises the reality of the time, energy, commitment and work that a real relationship takes and you are not ready for something that consuming yet.

Ironically perhaps it's because this new bloke is so nice. You realise that he's serious and not in it just for fun, and you know inside that although you like his attention and caring etc, you need time to develop yourself more, be alone, be more independant after so much time giving of yourself in a bad relationship.

Or maybe you're just scared of being hurt again. But remember there are no guarantees in anything you do.

You have to work out whether you want to keep this bloke, or end it until you feel ready to give again.

Hope this helps in some way.

thanx. I guess u just comfirmed what i knew deep down neway. Ive just gotta make a choice that i dnt want to make.

if he is a decent bloke, won't he be willing to take things slowly while you get over the last relationship? Taking some time for you doesn't have to mean being on your own, it just means this other man being willing to let you have some space.

It has taken me a couple of years to calm down after my split. Well, actually I haven't quite calmed down completely yet. I rebel at things I was forced not to do in the past by deliberately doing them now, just because I can.