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DD is refusing to move - what do I do?

2 replies

jana09 · 22/11/2009 23:03

I'm planning to relocate within the next few months with my nearly 10 year old DD. This means moving her an hour away from her dad who lives nearby and who she currently sees alternate weekends and a couple of times during the week and taking her away from school and friends. The move is for necessary reasons (not least financial)and she will be near her beloved grandparents. I'll encourage as much contact with her dad as is possible, bearing in mind she'd normally need to be with me during the school week. Of course she's upset at the prospect of going and I'm doing my best to reassure her. She's quite up and down about it, one minute she says she's excited and the next she doesn't want to go. And the most recent thing is an email from her saying no matter what I do, she's absolutely not leaving the town we're in.

What do I do? Tell her it's definitely going to happen and just keep trying to reassure her? Say she can go and live at her dad's (I hate the thought), or just don't mention anything for a while (can't see that working)and then preseent it as a fait accompli? I'd hate it to come to court but does a child that age have any rights? My relationship with her dad is extremely frosty and I doubt whether I could get him on-side. But having said that, his living conditions are very cramped (partner, her DD and their new baby in 2 bedrooms) and I don't know how he'd cope with our DD there for more of the time. I'm really concerned about what to do - no way can I stay put but I dread the fallout...

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lindsaygii · 22/11/2009 23:29

She's nine. Harsh as it may seem right now, she has to do what you do. And she will get over it pretty quickly, make new friends, have exciting new teachers and so on.

I'd wrap it up more kindly than that, but ultimately, that is the bottom line...

jana09 · 23/11/2009 07:43

Thanks LG - I know how resilient kids can be and have to remind myself she's not an adult!
We simply have to go so I think I'll just carry on making plans and give her more info nearer the time. It breaks my heart to see her cry but she will end up in a nicer house along with other positive things and I'll try to focus on the future. And need to remind myself I'm not being selfish...

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