advice please - no idea

[seth]

My husband walked out on me and my daughter 5 weeks ago saying he no longer loved me (but would die for her). I am at the stage where I need to sort out some regular access and I keep going round in circles. I want her to see him (could not care less about his feelings but I do have to think of her)but am finding it really difficult to have any contact with him at all. We are going to counselling starting Monday (for me it?s hoping for a reconciliation, for him I think its either lip-service or break up counselling) so hopefully that will improve but in the mean time it?s not good. I feel so hurt and just cannot get my head round how much he has ruined our lives. I also found out I am pregnant 5 days after he left which he now knows about but says it changes nothing. Anyway he has been coming round every Sunday 10-1.30 so far but I am thinking of changing this. How does every other Sunday but for the whole day sound ? (10-5) so that he can actually do more with her than go to the park and have a proper day with her ? I have to think about building a new life for me and my daughter and I can?t be tied to where we live every weekend just because he wants to come round. I am going to suggest this until after the new year when we can review it. (when maybe he can pick her up from nursery one night a week) . I know there is a sense of bitterness creeping in here and I will increase the access but everyone keeps telling me that I have to look after myself as well as our D.. and at the moment I find it far too painful to see him and he has to face the consequences of what he has done. She is great, really happy and our routine is working well so does this sound reasonable ? I would really appreciate anybody?s thoughts who have experience of this as its all so raw. thanks

Sorry to hear your going through a bad time How old is your DD? Does he just come to your house and stay there with your DD?

Can you drop your DD at his house for a few hours on a Sunday instead of him coming to you?

Hi thanks...she is 2y and 4 months. He is staying with a friend at the mo in a flat so I'd prefer him to come here where all her stuff is before they go off.

Does he take her out for a few hours or do they stay at yours? Could you get a friend/family to do the handover?

Hi
I can just about handle him coming to the house to pick her up and drop her off every other weekend and me doing the handover but that's about it at the mo (he has been in the house with her a few times with us both sitting there pretending to her that we are all happy families but I'm in pieces when he goes and I really feel set back). Then part of me feels bad as he has agreed to counselling. Is every other weekend for almost the whole day until I am feeling more able to cope fair do you think ?

2 of my DS's best friends parents have split up and they both see their dad every other weekend (they are 6 though). They cope fine with that. Can you go in another room while he is with her? I know how hard it is when they are little, but it gets easier to be 'civil' with time.

Cafcass advice is for frequent contact when they are little - a fortnight between visits is a really really long time for such a little one. Could you go out, maybe start an evening class or see some friends while he spends time with her at yours? I can see your point about the shared flat but it need only be until he sorts out something a bit more permanent for himself.

Obviously every weekend isn't going to be fair long term when she goes to school etc but in this difficult transition stage it's very important that she knows Daddy hasn't left her and that she is still important to him.