What does this mean? :(

[thesunshinesbrightly]

I'm confused, i havent seen my child's dad since he told me to have an abortion, i have have been trying too find him as he has hidden himslef, i found photo's of him off a relative and i'm wellin up, i'm confused

Hi sunshine,

how are you today? What was the reason he gave for leaving you?

Well, my daughter's father left me when pregnant too, I was very sad. He's a freak. My daughter is five now and we really have not seen him for years. I don't think about him now...keeping my eyes pealed for a new man!

Hi brightly,

I think that it means thta you are grieving- a lot of us have to grieve the ideal we have.

He sounds like a complete knob and one day he will be grieving the space he has wasted on this earth.

Hi flakecake

He didn't give me a reason he told me too get rid of the baby or he would kill himslef and that was that.
That's just it, i have a new man and it has been years since i have seen him he just dissapeared, and my reaction caught me un aware's.

Hi poshsinglemum

i did not expect my reaction on seeing the photo's in fact it made me really sad, i don't know if it is because i hate him or upset because i still love him

its very hard to get over the person you share a child with. even if you havent seen them in years. perhaps its your child you were upset for, that its dad felt the way he did/does. perhaps as posh says, you are grieving for what might have been.

a friend of mine who i met long after i separated from ds' dad always said he knew i would always miss him and never really get over him because we shared a child. he was right. it really still hurts me now that my ds went so long without his daddy.

i dont know if any of this helps but it is sort of how i feel about it.

Thank you Booyhoo, i am very angry at him! not for leaving me own with my child, but for the way he seems too have blocked that he has every had one, and when my child is confused why everyone else has a daddy but he doesnt all the other side of the family that doesnt know apart from his brother, i have given his brother a chance too meet him but he doesnt want to, i really dont understand how anyone can do that too a child, my child knows i love him with all my heart and we have a wonderful bond, he is my world.

sorry that post hardly makes sense

Hi sunshine.

My daughters dad died last year. We hadn't been together for 5 years, I actually really didn't like him much anymore, I had been with current DP for 2 years by then and was very happy but when his sister rang me and told me I literally broke down, in the street, outside St Thomas' hosp and cried my eyes out. Not because I was going to miss him(far from it actually) but because now my baby, my precious daughter would have to bear the pain of not having one of parents and would have live with the loss and the grief and that cut me to quick and still hurts like now.

Maybe it's a similar thing for you? Our babies are defenceless against an awful lot of hurt and if they feel pain then we feel it tenfold because we can understand it more and have adult brains which will analyse it.

Don't feel guilty, he left, you didn't make him.

Hi Sunshine,

Well, you are not alone. I ask myself exactly the same questions and worry about the family my dd doesn't know. It is heartbreaking. We are only in touch with her father's sister. My daughter also has brothers and a sister she does not get to see . I do not worry too much now as we have a good support network. So, you are not alone in this type of situation.

thesunshines - I know exactly what you mean. My baby's father has never met her and isn't likely to. He lives abroad. The thing is that he would never be able to be a parent to her when he is not even in control of his own life and has a drug problem. I know that he would be able to add nothing positive to her life but when I look at her, I can see him in her and I suppose I'm perhaps hardwired for some small part of me to feel that he should know her.

Recently he contacted me and said some things about the situation that upset me. It is a situation that leaves unresolved emotion but I'm trying to move on from it. I never really wanted to be with him for the long term but the fact I have his baby has made moving on more complicated.

huh sunshine?

he sounds like a complete tosser! you certainly came out of that one the winner - you got your dd and rid of him. i wouldnt miss someone like that and wouldnt want them in your kids' lives either - which isnt an attitude i normally take. doesnt sound like he'd ever have anything to offer you and the kids but trouble. certainly wouldnt encourage any kind of contact between them.

you'd be far better off finding a bloke worth bothering with who will also be a decent dad to your kids.

did you ever get to meet the fella you were keen on?

First of all thankyou to everyone for your replies.

Jamestkirk, yes we met up and we are now a couple

The other day it was a shock but it's certainly not the fact i love him(least i sorted that one out) i just can not start too understand how anyone can do this too a child, and not be the least bit interested in what he looks like, what hobbies he likes etc... and most of all my son missing out on the fatherly bond, i know it hurts my son, i can see it in his eyes he is such a heartless bastard!( sorry for the swearing)

I feel for all of you and your children in the same sitution it makes me so mad

I found my ex's daughter's facebook page the other day. It made me feel sad that she doesn't know she has a half brother and her half brother (ds) doesn't know he has a half sister. Ex hasn't seen ds since he as a newborn and has absolutely no interest in any contact.