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If you work full time, how do you spend quality time with your DC?

11 replies

SuperBunny · 15/11/2009 19:43

My job just changed and I am working 50 - 60 hrs a week. Some of that is at home when DS (4) is in bed but during the week, he is at nursery for 8 - 10 hours a day He's fine, he loves nursery but I miss him.

During the week, we get up, have breakfast, go to nursery/ work then I pick him up, give him a bath and put him to bed and i feel like I don't see him.

I want to do nice things with him at the weekend but I am tired and grumpy and lacking patience and am shouty . We DO do nice things - today we went to the beach, saw his aunty, baked cakes etc and it was nice but it's not the same as when I was working part time.

How do you manage it?

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notevenamousie · 15/11/2009 20:00

At various times in the past 18 months I could have written everything you have. These might not be in a very good order but they are the things that have helped me.

Surround yourself with people that support you - there are a hell of a lot of people out there who won't - for me it is certain family and friends, but very specific ones.

Try and enjoy the time you do have. Weekends - you will be knackered, I am not underestimating this - but think what are your strengths? For me it was my dd's (3) unlimited desire to make things, and I love creative if messy times too, and we'd do that every day off we had together. DD loves museums - I think just to tear around somewhere different - and in that environment it is easy to give my undivided attention - we go at least monthly and she asks about it and loves it (a lot are free, too, which helps).

Use time most people would not consider "quality time" - for us this was buses in the morning and evening, we chat, cuddle, she eats, we catch up.

Think where you want to go. I want my hours down to 40 and my commute door to door including nursery drop off and jumping in puddles and... well, you know, - less than an hour. I think I achieved this last week though am in a cold rented house with money worries - but my hours are down - well, they aren't but I get to take the time owing which is the same thing to me given my past experience which was 50+ hours and the commute is loads better. I still don't have the home, the money, the location, but I feel like I know where I am going and it is just taking much much longer than it might take some but I will get there.

You need to really really think about the usual parenting issues - picking your battles, etc, because they carry on for a long time.

Look after yourself, if you ever find the time. I rarely do, but I do know it makes a difference. I really feel for you.

SuperBunny · 15/11/2009 20:13

Thanks notevenamousie. It's so good to hear from someone who has been through this too. I agreed to increased hours til christmas so I can go back to my old ones after that if I prefer. So, I can see how it goes.

I think it's just been hard this weekend - DS has been demanding (perhaps needing my attention more than usual?) and not slept well which has a knock on effect on me that he doesn't understand. I am vowing to be more patient next weekend.

I do need to think about where I am going and what I want. And what is important for DS, too. I do have some good support but I get the feeling that people at work think I won't manage and are not pleased that I can't do more so I am feeling rather inadequate there as well as at home. I can't win!

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elastamum · 15/11/2009 22:04

Hi superbunny,

I wish i knew the answer to this one! I leave the house at 7.30am and dont get back until 7.30pm. My kids are a bit older than yours and i have an au pair. I dont know if i do quality time, we have just all watched Dr Who and they are now in bed. Every week is hard and i just keep going. Last week we all had flu and tonight i could weep as i am so behind on everything and i have a killer week ahead with an overseas trip in the middle. I am actively considering getting myself signed off sick with stress ATM but hopefully I will feel a bit more positive in the morning

SuperBunny · 16/11/2009 21:40

Thanks elastamum. I think there isn't really a good solution, is there? DS went to bed tonight saying, 'my favourite thing was being at nursery all day'. I know I should be pleased that he is so happy there but

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elastamum · 16/11/2009 22:08

Poor you, well i got home at 7.30pm to find that DS2 who is off school had deleted top gear before DS1 had watched it! Tears all round. Now downloading on i player as I type. I think that as long as they are happy and secure you are doing a great job.
You just have to do your best one day at a time

notevenamousie · 17/11/2009 19:26

SB - that must have been heartbreaking. I know the feeling that you should be pleased but hurt emotionally all over. DD today fell asleep on the way home and I can't help but think that was far from ideal. Even my boss noticed I am not right at work, but how can you be being torn like this. I take professional pride but dd must come first....

I hope we can be of support to each other - is it ok if I CAT you?

SuperBunny · 17/11/2009 21:36

Yes, notevenamousie, please do CAT me. Poor you, hope you are ok.

I do think I am doing alright really - DS is happy and my work is ok. I just want to be really good at work, like I used to be, and be a really good parent. And I want to stop feeling so exhausted!

I think part of my problem is that this is a new position at work and I am still settling in. I am hoping it will get easier.

At least I don't have sibling problems to deal with. Hope you sorted it out, Elastamum.

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elastamum · 17/11/2009 21:47

Hi All,

Well today I had just one off sick at home and I worked flat out all day then caught a plane to Sweden - not sure what type of parent that makes me Actually he is fine just not allowed back too school for a week as he has had flu. Half way through the day my lovely au pair came home in a panic as she had lost 2 of our dogs! So I yomped up the hill calling them, only to find them 1/2 hour later sitting outside the front door - nobody thought to look round the front of the house! DS2 found this all rather funny - I suppose he thought it was quality time!! Now in Sweden, kids are in bed at home and its raining here too

citronella · 23/11/2009 15:45

I have just seen this thread and wanted to add my name to it as I totally recognise all the feelings you all described. Some times you do want to cry but you just know that won't do any good either.

Hang in there.

SuperBunny · 23/11/2009 19:51

Hope he;s better, Elastamum.

Hello citronella.

After a tricky weekend (me grumpy, thinking about work, DS tired) we had a lovely evening tonight. If I can get home early enough, I park the car at home, grab DS's scooter then walk to nursery to pick him up rather than stopping to get him on my way home. For some reason the little walk/ scooter ride does both of us good. Sadly, I don't finish work early enough to do that most nights.

Was meant to go out (well, to a mum's night at nursery) tonight which I was quite looking forward to but my sister hasn't turned up to babysit

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elastamum · 24/11/2009 22:00

Hi SB,

All better thanks, but have just got back from parents evening on the back of an overnight flight back from the US this morning - not great - esp as kids supposed to be with ex all day yesterday but he decided that he just had to drop them back with au pair. Have just got everyone to bed after lots of chats and cuddles but it is far too late for a school night

Glad you had a nice evening, it is hard though when babysitters let you down. I dont think they realise how much those little nights off mean to us single mums!

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