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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

what do lone parents do if you're really ill?

20 replies

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff · 08/11/2009 10:34

am lone parent. ds has swine flu at the moment. I may get lucky and not catch it, but if I do ... well just wondering what I do?! I do have some support from gps but they are not close by - if they come then they'll end up getting it and DF is not in the best health so that's a bit of a worry too.

anyone here had this situation? can you just struggle through? ds is 2.6 so needs a lot of attention!

OP posts:
MegSophandEmma · 08/11/2009 10:42

It's amazing, but really when it comes to it you do manage somehow. I guess because in your mind you know you have to.

I'm a single mum of three and have had in the past some pretty bad cases of D&V viruses. When these have happened it is usually a case of letting all my normal making sure the house is done, children are entertained, food is cooked etc... instincts fly out of the window. I just mong on the sofa. I inform the children of what is going on and just chill out with the kids, whilst allowing them to watch, eat and do whatever they want within reason.

If it comes to it I promise you will manage. Just allow yourself to let your nowmal day to day stuff slide.

MitchyInge · 08/11/2009 10:49

it is surprising what you cope with, am also a single mum of 3 but without family (although have been very lucky with friends over the years) and we've survived all the usual illnesses plus some quite lengthy hospital admissions when I was ill

the golden rule is that if anyone offers help, accept!

macdoodle · 08/11/2009 23:50

You manage somehow!
DD2 (nearly 2) had swine flu first - was very poorly for a week - had to go to work sent her to C at end of wekk poor little thing Then DD1 (8) got it, not too bad!
Then I got it, came home from work on the Friday thinking I was going to die, went straight to bed with DD2 next to me watching Peppa Pig, and pretty much stayed there all weekend, they ate beans on toast just, take away pizza and DD1 is very good at cereal and sandwhiches...
We managed it wasnt much fun, but we were ok

thesunshinesbrightly · 08/11/2009 23:56

Me too, you just get on with it, like my kids dad with phone and say oh i'm not well cant have them this week, but we just have too get on with it.

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 09/11/2009 08:05

i remember a particularly horriffic D&V episode where there was me, ds and dd all had it. ds and dd were both under 2yo at the time. i was being sick in en-suite. while i could hear them throwing up in their bed/cot.

i'd drag myself away from toilet with basin to change their sheets and pj's.

and repeat all through the night.

you do just HAVE to manage.

when its colds/flu we also just ignore all housework. camp out on sofa with dc.place looks a right bombsite

surviving on things that dont require proper cooking. cereal , toast and sandwiches.

and if anyone offeres to bring you any supplies or help... bite their arm off. ... they usually take one look at your pitiful state and house and tidy it a little

notevenamousie · 10/11/2009 05:47

It's one of, possibly the worst thing. I agree, accept help. Order online shopping so you can feed your dc (here you can always get a slot the following day) and allow unlimited TV/ colouring things/ chaos. I always get weepy as well and down on myself which doesn't help.

Solo2 · 10/11/2009 18:52

This has been by far the hardest part of single parenting my twins. They are more often ill than not and I usually get what they have too and sometimes worse than they do. It's absolute Hell, as many many times, I'm barely able to crawl around the house, I'm so ill, yet they still need to be looked after and there's never ever been anyone to help out. Childcarers run a mile if the children are sick, not that I've had any child care for years now. I can't count the number of times I've wept with despair as yet another sleepless day and night go by, filled with changing vomit covered bedding, whilst trying to hold back my own sickness, until I get the chance to make it to the loo.

I vividly remember night after night and day after day of no sleep at all, when it got to the point that I just put more and more towels on top of our floor mattress (we co-slept for 5 yrs)to cover the latest vomit because I was too ill and tired to do yet more laundry.

The twins are now 8 and it's STILL hard, though not so bad as it was. Every single school holiday since 2008, we've all been ill with something - norovirus at Xmas, me with the worst flu ever lasting 8 weeks in the summer, whilst the twins had recurrent d & v that whole time.

Xmas dinner - the day I caught the norovirus - was stale bread and crisps last year and I just cried and cried because I felt so guilty that I couldn't even provide the basic fun on that day. We watched TV all day really and this is what we do at other times too. There's a shop across the road, about 4 mins away and that's a life-saver. I usually manage to make a dash there and buy bread and crisps and chocolate and juice and we just manage to survive.

Sorry this sounds so depressing and clearly, each time, we all DO survive. It's just that this has hit a nerve with me, as there's NOTHING worse than being really, really ill myself and yet STILL having to care for the twins. We've no family at all (and no ex) and no friends who'd be able to help, as no one ever wants to expose themselves to the latest virus. I've had to tell the twins that if Mum ever can't be woken up, they have to phone 999. I don't want to scare them but they do need to know what to do if anything ever happened.

I once even tried to recruit an emergency temporary agency nurse to help out when the twins were babies and I was just too sick to cope at all but there was nothing like that available. I'd gladly have paid anything just to get some respite.

The worst part is knowing that there's yet another long and completely sleepless night ahead

of me, filled with children's vomit across beds, walls and carpets, despite me feeling so ill that I can barely walk and could sleep standing up cos I'm so tired.

I suppose if I could say anything positive it would be to emphasise that somehow you survive and as long as the children have water to drink and some basic food, if they're not ill too, they can get by with minimal support....but I often really do despair.

overmydeadbody · 10/11/2009 18:55

You just struggle through it at the end of the day.

No matter how bad things get, people have the ability to get through it.

overmydeadbody · 10/11/2009 18:57

definately accept ll offers of help that come your way

macdoodle · 10/11/2009 20:04

Solo

Betty79 · 10/11/2009 22:16

Ive been lucky so far to only have a few times where ive been really ill, but like others have said u take any offer of help and feed the kids what u can, let them watch tv/play as long as they are safe. Ive only been officially single for 18 months but my ex h was in the forces so i was on my own majority of time for months at a time, and we lived 250 miles away from family! Luckily my mum now lives near us, so i can call on her now if I need but it is tough

redsofas · 10/11/2009 22:57

i had the flu a couple of weeks back and have ds1 3.7 and ds2 12 weeks, luckily dc's were fine but i was pretty much stuck to the sofa with ds2 breastfeeding and changing and ds1 just did a load of art and watching t.v, he had takeaway for dinner everynight for about 4 days as i just couldnt cook but i was lucky as over the weekend a friend took him out once and my brother a different time and i had a good friend that helped with the getting ds1 to and from nursery for a couple of days, i am lucky i know. solo im sorry it sounds so hard for you

jamestkirk · 10/11/2009 23:23

saw this the other day and thought nothing of it as i dont get ill - i just dont.

have just stopped to read about solo2 and has made me realise how fortunate ive been. have been a single parent with three kids for many years, had no help from ex, have always worked one way or another - but just dont get ill.

dont know what else to say really - am kind of speechless as to how hard it would have been when kids were little if i couldnt have looked after them - guess my heart goes out to you all when you just have to get on with it no matter what.

allchanging · 11/11/2009 14:24

I've just noticed this thread and my heart goes out to you solo.

I'm very lucky that mine dont get ill often and me even less so.

I've been on my own for 4 months now (although I've done most of the work for years!!) and I find the above posts really inspirational, showing how tough this is, but how well we do. Round of aplause for us - just wanted to say that!!!

MollieO · 11/11/2009 14:32

You manage. Ds was ill from birth until 4. Fortunately he always had bronchitis/tonsolitis/asthma etc so wasn't viewed as contagious and was still able to go to the CM. He had a weak immune system and caught everything going. His consultant warned me that he would be very ill but most likely well by the time he was 5. Fortunately that proved to be the case. I was very very lucky with the CM who viewed him as an additional son rather than a mindee and took him on days he probably should have stayed at home. If she hadn't I'm not sure what I'd have done. The times he was contagious or simply too ill I would take unpaid leave or my mum would help.

mummytowillow · 14/11/2009 22:16

I had a terrible bout of D&V the other week, I could hardly stand up, I managed to get downstairs for some water and stocked up on the crisps, chocolate and Peppa Pig DVD and took to my bed with my 2 year old!

I felt absolutely terrible, but you find the strength from somewhere to get on with it, Peppa Pig is a life saver!

Swolo · 14/11/2009 22:28

I had the worst flu ever last winter, literally couldn't stay awake, I was in and out of consciousness, and felt so weak I had to crawl to the loo on my hands and knees. Interestingly enough, the people who gave me the most support were my single mum friends ? not the mums who had partners, who could easily have slipped out and helped me! I think it's so important building up good, supportive friendships so that at times like this, when you really need help, you can ask for it.

moocowme · 19/11/2009 20:30

if i find myself in this situation again i would put a notice on netmums. last time i did this becasue childminder was away and i need some care outside ordinary hours. i had a very good response and i also got some contacts for emergency care.

elastamum · 19/11/2009 22:25

I caught swine flu from my DS1 last week. Got myself some Tamiflu and shivered and struggled through the week. It was awful as i nursed DS1 for 3 days then as he got better me and DS2 got sick. Didnt go out just plodded along as best I could. am feeling better this week but it has taken me a while as i didnt get a proper nights sleep for 10 days despite feeling really ill

Earlybird · 19/11/2009 22:32

Luckily I am rarely ill.

But, on one occasion (when dd was too young for school), I had a babysitter come for the day.

On another occasion, I asked another Mum if she could take dd to/from school. I was able to stumble around and get some food together for the rest of the time when dd was home.

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