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Only just separated but still I want to start dating.

4 replies

alwaysindoubt · 04/11/2009 21:49

I must be mad but I don't want to end up alone. and I think that if I don't treat it as a possibility it might neve happen. How long did others wait?

OP posts:
moyasmum · 05/11/2009 09:11

Don't give up its still early days, and maybe getting back into the socialising swing of things generally would be a gentler way to go.
if you have just separated ,then you are still raw, and that might come across as desparate.
Maybe someone else out there can help , good luck

Biobytes · 06/11/2009 12:28

My advice woold be to sort your life until you feel comfortable in your new circumstances and then go for it. You really need the time to rebuilt yourself and organise your life after the split.

The other added point of waiting is that as the things that caused the other relationship to fail would have settled down a bit you would be able to avoid falling for someone just because he is NOT like your ex without noticing that he may still have some unberable qualities you had not think of.

In terms of practicality, really, the issues that you have to resolve in the first months are very likely to be too much for a new realtionship, either both of you end up so stressed up it affects you or, the relationships develops "around" the separation issues and once those issues are gone you may realise that there is not much in common left...

It is not about timescales, it is about feeling comfortable with yourself. When you look at the mirror and think you don't need a man to your side to be happy, that's the time!

freeasabird · 06/11/2009 19:57

i echo both moyas and bio,i seperated from XH 6 months ago (gosh thats gone so quick) and im only beginning to get my head around the thought of dating another man,everyone is different tho,my sister met her DP a month after seperating and they are still going strong 3 years on.

i remember thinking when XH moved out that i couldnt be on my own for long,but the feeling soon passed!!! and i actually enjoy having my own space etc.

queenofdenial2009 · 07/11/2009 20:10

The others are probably right and there is something to be said for waiting. But I also know how you feel and I signed up for internet dating within a month of leaving my ex.

The good thing about it is that you are in control as to how much you engage or not. I come and go, depending on how other things are going.

The other thing that was also a surprise was that it helped me get a lot clearer in my head about what I wanted. Physical attraction is important to me, I like people who can write in full sentences and I think men with kids will have a better understanding about what it is to be a working single parent, specifically the limited amount of time I have.

There's no set timescales so just take it as it comes.

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