Experiences/advice re moving away with children

[tp12]

Stbx left 18 months ago. I made a decision to move back to my home town (Eng to Scot ie 400 miles) but stbx does not consent and has applied for SR. Now have to wait for courts to decide (after CAFCASS report). I did not make this decision lightly nor immediately and have well thought through plan (housing, education, job) and family/friends support. It's been a long haul for me and children (DS, DD1, DD2). I would be very grateful if got any experiences or advice you would like to share? I'm really scared stiff that I will not be allowed to move.

what does "Stbx" stand for?

Hi mummygirl. Stbx stands for 'soon to be ex husband', we are divorcing at present.

I think you will find it difficult to convince a Cafcass officer that you can maintain alt weekend contact if that means the kids are going to be travelling for 12 hours during that weekend. Be honest, that simply isn't feasible.

Also, the children are very young to be able to maintain the kind of long-distance relationship you envisage (eg e-mailing, phone calls etc)In reality, Dad will not be able to be involved in schools, activities, medical care, he won't know their friends, in fact pretty much every part of being a parent.It seems disingenous to talk about ensuring they build a good relationship with their father (surely having lived with him and now having regular contact they have one?) when actually you are fundamentally undermining that relationship.

I have no doubt you have the interests of the kids first, and that your X's affair and betrayal of you and your children (as you see it) has nothing to do with your decision, but you asked for other's experiences - my friend A met and fell in love with a divorcee with a little girl (4 at the time)He had to fight for regular contact despite having been very much an equal parent in terms of care provided. His ex then moved hundreds of miles away, saying all the things you are saying. Contact stopped almost immediately. He couldn't afford to travel all the way down there regularly and pay for a hotel to stay in, plus he worked shifts as a nurse, and every holiday there was a problem of some kind...

The child sought him out ten years later as a teenager and they have spent some time together but the relationship is distant as really they know nothing about one another.

Why can't people just be honest that when they leave a family....they leave a family? I have been to hell and am slowly crawling back at the same time as managing to keep the children happy and safe. The children are, and always will be, my priority...they are not his priority and it's as simple as that. My reasons for moving are genuine and I believe for the greater good. If they were not, I would have p*ssed off ages ago.

I also think you need to talk to your children, it will be a life changing experience for them. This move will change their life path and it will alter their memories.

Someone mentioned that they could not 'put their life on hold because of their X', why not? If the children are happy to see both parents, then I believe both parents have to stay in the same area.

Though I don't have any family here and a BF 150 miles away, he knows that if we are going to live together he will be the one to move. I couldn't stop DS from seeing his father. It's not my place to interfere in their relationship.

I hope you can find a way that suits you all.

I live a long way from my ex, because he is violent, and disrupts all of our lives (eg arriving unannounced at 2am, expecting to be welcomed and given a bed.)
It is the only possible solution for us, but if things were different, I would far prefer to be near him, and share the parenting.

I agree about putting your life on hold - you both decided to have children together, regardless of how your relationship ends up that decision still stands. You should be doing this together, it sounds like he is trying his best to do that... you should too.

My husband moved a similar distance 5 months ago.
He has seen the children twice since he moved.
Once when he came to visit us, and once when I took them on a holiday near to where he is now living.
He hasn't seen them now for over 3 months .
The children appear to be coping, the younger ones get excited when he phones (about once a fortnight), and the older ones have facebook, but don't do it very much.

It breaks my heart to think he can go without seeing them, cuddling them for so long.I still feel guilty as it was my decision to split, but not my choice for him to go so far.

The cost of travelling such distances is enormous and very tiring.
Where would your x stay if he travelled to see the children,I guess you are saying your family would be there to give you the occasional break, which is good, I don't have that, there are lots of practical things to consider.