How to deal with manipulative, emotionally abusive x and access

[DutchGirly]

I have split up with my XP of 5 years due to his and his family's emotionally abusive behaviour.

As we have a little one of 2, he had daily access in my house with her until he displayed unwanted physical attention whilst I made it very clear I did not want him to touch me in any shape of form.

I have since contacted Women's Aid as he kept creeping me out who have been absolutely fantastic. I suffer from Postnatal Depression for which I am now receiving treatment.

I now no longer let him into the house and he started emotionally blackmailing me again stating I am depraving our little one of her dad.

Does anybody have any advice how to deal with this kind of behaviour. At the moment I am employing the broken record approach but he just keeps trying his luck stating I am emotionally abusive of our little one by not allowing him to give her a bath and put her to bed and it is bringing me down.

Yesterday he displayed dreadful behaviour. I came back early from visiting my friend so he could spend extra time with little one in the park. He stated I was emotionally abusive by calling his family disgusting (they are, even in the professional opinion of WA counsellor)and for not allowing him inside the house and that I did not deserve a FREE Waitrose magazine that was in a bag so he was taking it back, WTF
He then stated he had a date and that should make me feel better but that he would give me another chance.

I would be very happy if he got a girlfriend to be honest, he completely creeps me out.

Latest update, XP has drawn up parenting pan with the following:

• any future partners will not be able to stay the night when little one is present until 6 months have passed. Partner has to be introduced as 'friend' for 6 months
• any babysitter has to be approved in person before and
• either of us cannot move more than 5 miles away

Now obviously I am not going to sign this, he is convinced that he has the right to personally approve any babysitter before I can actually use one. I would never use anybody for childcare unless I know them very, very well but as I have been the primary care giver (not according to him apparently as we lived in the same house but I work part-time) I do feel I am capable of making a decision myself.

He has also been swearing at me, calling me a F and a C, threatening to make my life hell as I said I would not sign it until I consult a solicitor and banging my car windows when I drove off. We were going for shared parenting but in his present state, I don't think this is a good idea. He also tells little one 'Your mother does not want me in the house' which I perceive to be underhanded and emotionally damaging to little one.

I think it is time to consut a solicitor however I am broke and don't qualify for legal aid.

Any advice appreciated.

I agree that it's time to consult a solicitor. I didn't qualify for legal aid either, but my solicitor is allowing me to make reasonable monthly payments so it is affordable. It will take me two years or more to pay off, but I feel more secure having gone through the court process.

Mediation might be worth a shot, but if he continues to intimidate you, I think you'd be better off with a court order.

Write down the insults/threats he made to you and keep a copy of his "parenting plan". In your shoes, I'd try to avoid shared parenting.

Thanks NickNameTaken for replying.

I find it very difficult to deal with as we have lots of mutual friends who never see this side of him.

try and put everything in emails /writing - os that he responds in email so you have record.

but yes you need a solicitor.

keep a log
date time "banged on my car as i drove off" that kind of thing