Christmas

[onadietcokebreak]

What do you guys think is fair arrangements for children whos parents are seperated.

Dad sees them regulary BTW and plays an active roll in their life as much as the Mum will allow. Has anyone had any experience on the court deciding when parents unable to come to an agreement.

onadietcokebreak
how are things with you now?
sorry to hear that's it's all got messy again recently
for all of you who haven't properly sorted out your xmas arrangements as yet..i have broached them with exh..will let you know what happens

Hi onadietcokebreak sorry to hear things have got so messy for you.

For what its worth my parents divorced when I was little and I spent alternate Christmases with them. For me this was an arrangement that worked really well, but I was close to both parents and both made the effort to make Christmas a great day- if this was not the case I suspect it may not have worked.

The only times I found it difficult was when I picked up on how desperately my mum was going to miss being with me on Christmas day- she tried to hide it but like most kids I was pretty perceptive. Looking back it must have been very hard for her but she did it for me and I am very grateful to her for it.

that's a really positive story and is really helpful to know for all of us on here
it's great that your parents were able to come to this arrangement amicably

Thanks aseriouslyblondemoment- yes was really really lucky that my parents managed to sort things amicably. Totally appreciate though that its not always that simple.....

Hope you manage to sort out your arrangements without too much difficulty.

Hi All.

Wheresmypaddle. Your post could have been written word for word by me, apart from the closest to both parents part, and has hit a bit of a raw nerve. The guilt I felt at leaving my mum on her own was awful.

As for my partner current situation. Lets just say that all hell has broken loose. She wont compromise. Wont enter into communciation about it. Wont admit to adultery so the divorce cant progess without alot of cost.

My partners health is really starting to suffer and he has been to the doctors today who has given him an anti depressant and refered him to counselling.

Hes going to see his solictor again and Im hoping he can just sort out the access arrangement. Sod the divorce..its her that wants it.Let her progess it and say what she wants....just hope it ends up costing her alot of money.

All my partner wants is fair, reasonable, regular access to his children that she cant change depending on what mood she is in on any given day. Of course there will always need to be scope for changes..eg invites to parties etc.He also needs special events agreed...cos so far shes saying tough luck I have already made arrangements for christmas.

that's really sad to be so embittered isn't it?
rooting for you both to stay strong and not give into her nasty games,divorce is hard enough without the extra aggro,and sadly it's the dcs who bear the brunt
as you say she'll have a shock coming to her post xmas and it won't just be the cc bills as legal aid IME is a myth
you are both going about this the sensible and decent way,keep us all updated

Sorry you're still having trouble onadietcokebreak

Thanks guys.

Its not easy but I'm hoping we can ride the storm.

Hoping this time next year it will be done and dusted and everyone will be happier.

You don't have to have a solicitor and spend thousands, either. Have you been on the Families Need Fathers website? They have a list of McKenzie Friends on there and great advice.

Yes we have had a quick look but cant afford the fee to join up yet. Hopefully in the new year

Then you definitely can't afford a sol! They do local meetings which are free, I think. You need a couple of £100 for the initial court fee but you can get all the forms etc from the Internet. You need a plan of action or DH will get more and more depressed.

onadietcokebreak sorry to hear things are so tough at the moment sounds like your partner just wants to sort things out for the best with regard to the children and is being prevented from doing so. My heart goes out to him and you.

I had a brief split from my partner last year (mercifully we resolved things and things are better then ever) and I am ashamed to admit that I actually empathise with your partners ex and all others that use access to children to make life difficult for thir exs.

The difference is that although during my darker moments I was tempted to do it cause I wanted to hurt him, I rose above those feelings and did what comes naturally - the best thing for DS- that is, to do what I could to facilitate a loving relationship with his daddy.

Maybe coming from a divorced background I had the foresight to see how vitally important it was to rise above the 'red mist' and put my son first and that all those temptations to keep him to myself and block access were coming from a selfish place. Our troubles were between the two of us, and had to stop there, they were nothing to do with our son.

I really hope your partner manages to sort things out. Remember that often things improve over time so even though it seems like he has a huge mountain to climb, hopefully in a few years things will have calmed down and access arrangements will be in place.

Hi everyone. We have a breakthrough! She has agreed to allow him to see the children for a few hours on christmas day.

She has told the children as well so really really hoping she wont break her word.

I think she realised that if this went to court she would end up alot worse off.

My partner may still have to go down that route if she renages on this or wont be fair in respect of the other accesses.

Thank you for all your help and advice. It has been invaluable. I hope all your own christmas arrangements work out well.

weve just been thru the court system - final hearing being in sept and exp has been given 9:30 boxing day till half 4 on the 2nd jan.

floatyjosmum thats a long time that your exp has been given - what is his usual contact, and does he live far from the child's home? - just interested to work out my own situations possible outcomes. thanks x

Fairly standard holiday contact, I'd have thought, about half the school hols?

well have told exh that he can have them from teatime on xmas day
he just nodded and accepted it,surprisingly!
hoping everybody sorts out their own arrangements soon
and amicably if at all poss.
and yes leslaki that applies to you too

mine are being picked up by dad on Xmas morning to drive back to his for lunch (about 2 hours) that means at least we get Xmas eve for a party and Xmas morning together. then I drive 2 hours to see my family for lunch. did the same last year except he came to see the kids in the morning then they went with me. Not sure how much longer it will work out as he has a new family

how did your dcs cope with this?
i'm imagining that if they're fairly young that they'll view it as having two xmas'