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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

today i have had enough and am sick of being a lone parent !

33 replies

giveupfornow · 21/09/2009 10:22

this is just more of a rant than anything.

Im bloody fed up with it all. Not DS, he is wonderful but just everything else.

Ive been on my own for 9 months now. I work, house is nice, bills are mostly paid we dont go without and generally we are diong ok.
I had started to feel really good about myself again, but should have known that would end up with coming down to earth with a bump at some point.

Ds dad is an idiot who is always letting him down, so not only do i have to deal with an upset ds, but i dont get a break either.
Family all work too, so they cant really help.
Im tired of doing everythng by myself all of the time.
Ive been on a few dates too. all turn out to be loosers, so im giving up on that for the momment, but in a way that makes me more fed up.

Im just right fed up today, im sure ill feel ok later on, but today i just feel sorry for myself. Have called in sick at work and am having a lazy day with DS...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MitchyInge · 21/09/2009 10:26

hope the lazy day helps - sounds like it might be just what you need?

it is hard on your own but whenever I feel overwhelmed (less and less as time goes by) I remember all the horrible things about living with my husband or think of conversations I've had with married women - like 'oh I'd love to do x y or z but my husband won't let me' and I feel grateful for my independence!

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:27

giveupfornow ...hi there....im still a lone parent after 19.5 years.
Be proud of yourself for coping.
It does have fantastic rewards along the way.

MitchyInge · 21/09/2009 10:29

alypaly! I thought I was the longest term loner in the world - just over 15 years

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:32

Nope.....dont know where to go to find someone interesting, thats not someone's cast offs.
Hate going out on my own. Dont have any close girl friends to go out with either. OMG i sound really sorry for myself.
Actually i have quite enjoyed being a single mum...was never married to their dad...but one of the only things i have really missed is hearing the word daddy ,when my DS's were younger.

Original poster

giveupfornow · 21/09/2009 10:32

thanks - im probably just hormonal or something. I just feel sad.
I need to sort the garden out for autumn, the pc room is a mess and i need to go through ds room and clear out summer clothes and make room for autumn stuff.
It just feels like soooo much to do at the momment... and i work, and have a dog. And i cant even rely on ex husband to have DS when he says he is going to.... so i struggle to fit stuff in and im tired.

Ive got next week booked off as holiday, so im sure ill get it done then, but it just annoys me sometimes...

OP posts:

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:35

I feel sad quite often too, but i guess i hide it. I would love to be head over heals and have a supportive partner, and to have a FAMILY life.
I sometimes have days like you too where the house is a mess and i just feel as if i am shuffling everything round each room and never really achieve anything. Then i go to bed really fed up. Actually thats the worst thing,going to bed alone every night.

OnlyWantsOneDoesntLikeDM · 21/09/2009 10:35

be strong - yes it is crap some times, but you know you can deal with everything - because you already are!

As for XDP - he's the one missing out of your DS because he's the fucknugget. Don't fret about him - if he cant keep to his promises, dont tell DS when his dad is going to come, that way if he doesnt come, he isnt let down.

Do you work? Any way of meeting some mums locally to you?

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:36

i have a long term BF but he is more of a friend than a partner,Hardly ever stays, no passion,IYKWIM

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:38

giveupfornow how did you get your dates ????

MitchyInge · 21/09/2009 10:39

blimey, that sounds like me alypaly - we did live together for a bit (and have a child together) but over time we seem to have become just friends

sorry for hijack, was surprised to not be the only one still single after all these years

Original poster

giveupfornow · 21/09/2009 10:41

aly - thats horrible. i know how you feel. Normally i am fine too, its just all caught up with me.
19.5 years is a LONG time...
I dont know if its the same for you, but i sort of feel a bit selfish to feel like that, DS is fine, so in actual fact im just feeling sorry for myself....
Sorry for myself that i have to be 100% reesponsible all the time, have to be the one that does every little thing all of the time, and i would just love a bit of male attention... you know some company. Ive now decided internet dating is not for me, but like you, dont know many people to go out with, so im guess that limits chances of meeting people.

OP posts:

Original poster

giveupfornow · 21/09/2009 10:42

oh i do know lots of mums locally, but they are all married and have their own lives.
i cant keep tagging along with them all the time, i feel like a goosberry.

OP posts:

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:46

Yes you sound just like me...when i am busy everything is great and i cope really well. I am normally well organised ,paying bills and thankfully to date have never run up any debts. But and its a big but,i would just love a male partner that would just say,"can i do this ...or ive just booked us a meal or a holiday"
There are no nicities any more...I have to arrange everything. I would just love to have a surprise or a bunch of flowers now and then.
Both my DS's have come through intact and have done really well eductionally so i am proud that they are level headed. We do meet up with dad quite regularly but he did the dirty on me when i was pregnant with DS2 and i have never forgiven him.

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:48

giveupfornow ...you sound a bit younger than me. Do you find other women steer clear almost as if we are a threat?

MaggieBeauLeo · 21/09/2009 10:49

I have this problem too, all my friends are married. I wish I had single mum friends. Obviously being 39 I wouldn't have much in common with young single mums.

Sounds sad, but the mums I could relate to would be the ones who started out with the 'happy ever after' and then it all went pear-shaped!

I know nobody in rl like that though. It woud be nice.

A week ago I discovered that dc1 had ADHD. It's not bad or it would have been discovered earlier. Hoping fish oils and learning support will help. dc2 is mildly autistic, so again, he will go to mainstream school... but last week this tidal wave of "i can't do this" washed over me. I felt like i had 14 years ahead of me of trying to get these children with slight learning disabilities through school wiht some qualifications under their belts. and it is so hard!

BUT............ this week I feel OK again.

So I hope that the duvet day does the trick for you too.

alypaly · 21/09/2009 10:50

i only recently came on MN as i felt it was a way of making friends. Now i cant believe how often i am on. But housework is suffering.
Its hard to tear myself away sometimes as its almost like having that imaginary friend in the ether IYGWIM

MitchyInge · 21/09/2009 10:55

I used to have single mum friends but they have all settled down with new men over the years - some of them with v dubious men

often feel like a total freak, like I have calcified into this single state but the thought of ever living with someone again is terrifying

MaggieBeauLeo · 21/09/2009 10:57

Mitchy, I'll never do that. I'm grateful for my independence as well. The thought of being on my own for the rest of my life doesn't frighten me, certainly not enough to hook up with some dubious loser anyway.

I won't be alone just because I'm not in a couple.

alypaly · 21/09/2009 11:03

I agree with MBL..i also like my independence. I also like lying diagonally across my king sized bed. I am not sure if i could put up with someone elses mess any more and the having to get meals ready at set times.
I love cooking for DS2 who is still at home ,but i eat when i want and if i want. I also like some nights on my own.
I only argue with myself...so its a pretty short arguement too

Original poster

giveupfornow · 21/09/2009 11:03

maggie - yes i know what you mean, i would like to meet some friends who had been the 'happily ever afters' and now were not, then i could maybe relate to them. Im 32 so like you dont feel i have much in common with young single mums... but hey, i wouldnt have much in common with any 20 year old!
Sorry one of your Dc's has got ADHD, im sure it will all work out fine, but identify with the feeling you have of just thinking ' oh my god, now ive got this to deal with too!!@

Alpaly - yeah, just having someone to do something - just once would be nice, or to arrange something, just anything.... i find that women look down their noses at me actually - like im some thing on their shoe. I didnt chose to be a single mum, i was married and it wasnt my fault ex dh had an affair. It just that im the one left dealing with everythung and he gets to just walk away.

OP posts:

alypaly · 21/09/2009 11:15

Yeah thats exactly what my ex did and now when he sees the boys...he says 'couldnt have wished for a better mum'. So why the hell did he play away?
He ruined my self confidence and i have had to build that up over the years.
What has really annoyed me is the friends that used to come round for my dinner parties didnt even pick up the phone. I was ok for a nice meal out but when i was single ,I wasnt good enough. How strange[ very cynical face]

anothermum92 · 21/09/2009 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MaggieBeauLeo · 21/09/2009 16:32

NOPE, I'm in Ireland. I'd love to meet other people in the same boat. I know lots of people, btu they're all settled, 2.4 kids etc. (not mocking that, but ... you know)

alypaly · 21/09/2009 19:33

im in stockport!!!!!

alypaly · 21/09/2009 19:34

anothermum92...you in the same boat too?

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