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is it unreasonable to expect ex to...

6 replies

OhBurger · 17/09/2009 22:19

Bloody well come and see his dc's when he is supposed to

We came to an arrangement that he picks them up on a tues and thurs (at a reasonable time)for an hour or so then he has them for a full day at the weekend.

So far i think this has happened only once, he thinks that I am nagging him about it for my own convenience, I most certainly am not. Our kids are 2, 3, and 7 fgs they don't understand that daddy has 'been held up' or is working late they just know that he isn't going to be there again.

My 7yo ds asked if dad doesn't like them anymore. I lied and told them that he was ill this week.

Got a text from him today saying he would pick them up @ 6pm, got the kids ready and he didn't show. It was 7pm before he appeared, I had to let the kids go as they were ready and expecting him, made my blood boil though. I am trying so hard to keep them to a routine and have them settled and happy but he thinks that we should be just hanging around waiting to drop everything for him to bless us with his presence.

What can i do about it? I really am at the end of my tether. feel like telling him not to bother as his children don't seem to be 'convenient' for him any longer

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 17/09/2009 22:22


unfortunately,you can't force a parent to see a child.

and going out at 7?? thats way too late

OhBurger · 17/09/2009 22:50

my thoughts too, I really don't think that mediation would work with him. He emotionally abused me and is very controling towards me. I have recently discovered my back bone and he hates it.

I feel so sorry for the kids though, his attempts to get at me are affecting them and he can't see it. I pointed this out to him and he again twists it and turns it to make sure that its me who appears to be in the wrong!

I really don't know what to do next.

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HerBeatitude · 17/09/2009 22:54

Well, you could keep a diary of all his latecomings and non-shows and then when you have 3 months worth go to a solicitor and apply to have his contact reduced. He could then earn it back by behaving like a proper father and turning up when he says he will.

Whatever you do don't show you're irritated. Don't react to him at all, he's using his contact with his children to wind you up, show him that's impossible. Then perhaps he might start using his contact for what it's effing meant for.

OhBurger · 17/09/2009 23:03

We have an informal arrangement atm, so far no solicitors have been involved, I have been concidering it though.

the diary sounds like a good idea, will def use that.

his latest idea is that he sould stay over night on a saturday night so he can look after the kids and I can get a good night sleep I'm 38 weeks pg btw, his I might add, but thats a whole diff thread. I nearly pissed myself laughing which rilled him up even more.

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cestlavielife · 18/09/2009 14:56

agree with keep a meticulous diary and dont get riled or write anything which could be used against you.

have him confirm arrangements by text or email so you can keep them.

and i think ultimately let the children know he has let them down. sory daddy was late you cant go is factual...

have same issues here, under court order, had long talk with sol - am now going to be firmer and let the children see who is letting them down

OhBurger · 18/09/2009 17:45

Will def use the diary, then hand him a copy of it after the three month period!

Prob won't make any difference as he is so bloody narcasistic he will still see the whole issue as my fault grrrr....

any more advice or some come backs for him would be greatly appriciated tia.

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