Struggling with dd

[brightwell]

Dd is 15 and is really trying at the moment. She's rude to me, won't help around the house, can't/won't keep her room tidy. It's easier for me not to ask her to help because I can't face the grief. Now that I've typed it, it all seems so petty and probably normal for a 15yr old. But it's getting me down. If I try to discipline her, ground her, withdraw pocket money, take internet away. She starts saying she'll go & live with her dad and I'm feel like I want her to go. I feel she has the ability to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Walking on eggs shells so as not to upset her or rock the boat. As far as she's concerned her dad can do no wrong, he buys her expensive birthday presents, takes them both on flash holidays, takes them for meals out....what she doesn't see is I work damn hard to keep a roof over our heads, to run a car etc etc etc. Somebody tell me we'll get through this.

I think you have to sort this - what sort of terms are you on with her father? Could you talk to him - let him know how she is acting and tell him what you plan to do so he can back you up.

As for saying she will go and live with her Dad, is that because he makes her do jack all and she lives it up? If so - you need to talk to him again.

It's just emotional blackmail, she knows it will hurt you.

I would suggest you talk to ExP and if you can, next time she threatens to leave because she cant clear up her own room - tell her nicely, she can

Thanks for the fast response. Sadly despite splitting with ex over 10 years ago, we still don't have an amicable relationship. He is verbally abusive to me in front of the dc, heaven knows what he says to them when they're with him. He's aware of the problems, sort of. He thinks she's unhappy and that I need to "build bridges with her". I think she needs to have some respect for her home, her brother & me. I find myself repeatedly saying "if you can't say anything nice, I would rather you didn't say anything at all". To which she scowls & says "fine". The scary thing is she treats me the same way her dad used to treat his mum..... like something on the bottom of a shoe.

firstly if he is disrespective towards you infront of the kids - this is probably where she is getting it from. If her dad does it, she thinks it is acceptable.