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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

can't believe ex's sometimes

10 replies

alfiechoosmum · 14/08/2009 09:19

hey im so wound up with my ex i thought id just have a rant lol.
basically me ex has ds 7 days and then i do, well not excautly true as i found out last night that actually his mum has him most of the week grr so as im down visting my mate where my ex lives i thought id take a little drive to his house well past ds bedtime and guess what his car wasn't there he told me that his mum doesn't have him at all which i now know is a lie, im just woundering if anyone thinks it is wrong that my ds nan gets to have him over night when i could have him an extra day as i pick him up on a friday morning.
this has really vexed me and i wanna know what other mums in my postion think?

OP posts:

mj4ever · 14/08/2009 13:22

i know it's hard.
my ds dad only has her one day a week and still sometimes it's not him that picks her up or when hes got her he does what ever and her grandparents look after her ,i have said something but i get excused of been jeaulous wtf!

haven't got really any advice, just letting you know you are not on your own.

GypsyMoth · 14/08/2009 13:25

you have shared care....its down to your ex what he does and with whom in his contact time. enjoy your free time. get on with your life. in the scheme of things this is no biggie!!

ChocHobNob · 14/08/2009 22:18

Just because his car wasn't there after your son had gone to bed doesn't mean he leaves him with his Nan all the time. He might have put him to bed and then gone out. Also what ILTiffany said, it is up to him who cares for your son while he is with him, as long as he is safe. It's good that your son builds a good relationship with his grandparents too and that they get to see him.

Original poster

alfiechoosmum · 15/08/2009 13:51

ill explaine it better, we went to court because my exp took my ds away from me for a month, he wouldn't let me speak, see or care for him, my exp was never in my ds life for the first year and a bit.
he works 12hr shifts and told me that he was going to be having ds everyday and night so i agreed to keep it 7 days he has him 7 days i do, but now i am finding out that actually his mum has him most days and a few nights too, im not trying to stop my ds from seeing his nana as i know he is very close to him its just the lying i dont like.
i do enjoy my free time but my whole life has revolved around my ds for so long im kinda lost without him, plus like i said his dad was never there for him and i think if his mum wasn't making him he wouldn't want ds

OP posts:

MaggieBeauLeo · 15/08/2009 13:57

no biggie!!????

It would kill me to be apart from my children for a whole week, every second week.

I think it's good their grandma gets to see him, but I agree with you, your son could be spending a little more time with his mum, not shipped around like a bowl of rice on a sushi conveyor belt...

popcorn123 · 15/08/2009 14:06

My ex's mum does most of the childcare as well. When he sees them for a day and night their are at his mums often until after bathtime and are brought back early in morning.Again it wouldn't bother me so much if he was open about it - he tries to claim that he doesn everything for them. He always has a reason for why he couln't give them one particular meam when in fact his mum does it all.
Today I was "told" to drop them off at 10am at his mums - he wasn't there. He rarely get up before 12 and the football is back on today so he will undoubtable go - so will pick them up at 6.3o from his mums. He will however deny all this.

I wouldn't mind e.g if he had them Fri pm ti sun pm was a decent parent to them but his mum helped for a couple of hours while he went to the football that would be his mum babysitting which would be fine.

It is so frustrating.

Original poster

alfiechoosmum · 15/08/2009 14:07

maggie thank you thats what i thought, like i said i dont want my ds not to see his nana as i lost my mum last year and im pleased he has that bound with her but i still think that my exp is lucky to even have ds for 7 days and for him to bundle him off to nanas and then let him stay there when he could be with me is just wrong, my exp does anything to get back at me and knows how to push my buttons and when it comes to ds he knows excautly what to do

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 15/08/2009 14:21

so whats really going on here?

not the full story is it.....i have read other threads of yours.

its no biggie, no, cos a) you agreed to it b)for shared care arrangements its 50/50 anyway and c)its his dad and dads family,which like it or not,your ds is entitled to have relationships with!

so whats with all the cafcass talk on your other thread? or was that not you?

Original poster

alfiechoosmum · 15/08/2009 14:55

im being taken to court at the end of sep i have a cafcass interview at the end of this month, my exp is a horrible person and will if he hasn't yet turned my ds against me, the whole story is i was with my exp for 2 and half years and for 2 and 3 months of that he treat me like his slave, cheated and mentally and physically abused me! i finally after 1 year and a bit got the courage to leave him, then he took my ds away from me and said i was mentally depressed and took me to court, so because my exp work and lives in norwich i had to agree to have him 7 days on and 7 days off or he would ntake me for full custody. which in the agreement he was suppose to live and be cared for by his dad not his nan, like i said before i am not bothered that ds sees his nana i like that he has that relationship with him, but i dont like being lied to, i am his mother and i think i have a right to know where my son is staying and who is looking after him.
the cascaff where brought in to decided which parent my ds would be better off with. i have been in my sons life since the day he was born his dad only decided he wanted to be a dad when i stood up for myself.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 16/08/2009 23:25

you seem to know where your son is staying....and he's with his dad or grandparent. no welfare issues with them mean its fine!!

you have few rights here....all the rights are with your child i'm afraid. thats what the courts and cafcass do.....implement the childrens act on behalf of your son,he is entitled to a life with both parents in it,extended family also. as well as,if your ex gets himself a new partner,then she will be involved in your childs life also. you have no say in this.your child may even gain new siblings in the future.

sorry,sounds harsh,but its true.

try www.wikivorce.com look at the forums for child residency/court hearings/children.

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