Still can't pin ex down to specific times for contact. He tends to see them 1-2 week but can go 1-2 weels with no contact.
He bascially phones a day or so before and tries to arrange something. Or he gets his mum to speak to me.
He doesn't "parent" them as such I have to send a change of clothes and get the dirty ones home in a back, only activity is Wii, but spents most of contact time at his mums where she prepares meals etc.
ds1 starts school soon and I want things more fixed.
I had a long meaningless conversation with him yesterday where he explained that he only gets 1 week notice of working times and can not plan anything and can't committ to anything. Also the football season starts soon. He has never missed a home game for anything other than work ever.
I want to suggest a contact plan and try and get life more ordered but can't come up with one.
I don't think he could manage a whole weekend. He was due to have then for 24 hours last weekend but brought then back 3 hours early as he had to go to work (apparently)
He will not commit to a day during the week and I don;t think it is fair if do everything during the week including having to make sure I am leave work on time when he never has to do the same thing so him to have them at his mums everyweekend .
Also they go to swimming on sat morning which he has always come up with a variety of excuses to get out of so that is out.
I was thinking of saying one fixed night during the week - and if can't make it then it is cancelled for that week unless there has been sufficient notice to prepart dc for change and a 24 hour period at the weekend e.g 12pm sat to 5pm sun every 2nd weekend.
Does that sound reasonable. I know he will say know as he wants to be flexible.
If he refuses what can I do - suggest mediation? - I had been told that that was not great when dealing with an abusive person.
Can I refuse to let them see them unless there is a plan - I would feel cruel doing this but otherwise things won't change.
Help!