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Original poster

Can i keep my DS and not return him to ex?

23 replies

sonpan · 07/08/2009 15:25

Need some advice please.

I have picked up my DS for a contact day and he has bruising on his face. Looks like a nasty black eye.

Can i refuse to return DS to the ex due to worries of abuse?

Any comments would be handy.

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 07/08/2009 15:27

Have you asked where the bruising came from?
MAy be a rational explanation?

If there isnt one and you genuinley believe it is abuse, contact social services

Jaquelinehyde · 07/08/2009 15:27

It depends on your situation. More information is needed before an accurate answer can be given.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 07/08/2009 15:28

Does your ex have a residence order?

How old is your son? Has he said what happened?

Original poster
sonpan · 07/08/2009 15:51

Son has just gone 3 years of age. H is not saying how it happend. Just says that it hurts him. No residency order in place at the moment but contact was negotiated through the court.
Cant ask where the bruising has come from as we do not and can not speak.
I dont feel that he should go back to some one who has potentialy hurt him.

Please help with advice.

OP posts:
Buda · 07/08/2009 15:56

You don't know that your ex has hurt him though.

beanieb · 07/08/2009 15:58

can you call your ex and ask how it happened?

Original poster
sonpan · 07/08/2009 15:59

No, but i have my suspisions. I dont want DS returning if he can get hurt. Just need to know what can be done or not done in this situation. It's very nasty.

OP posts:
Original poster
sonpan · 07/08/2009 16:00

me and exp do not speak at all. We cant communicate and everything is through solicitors at the moment.

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/08/2009 16:01

If there is a court order you cannot juts keep him. Perhaps call NSPCC for advice ?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 07/08/2009 16:01

There's no evidence to suggest your ex has harmed him though, he may have fallen over.

To be honest, I think you need to get some advice from someone who is qualified to help you. Social services or the NSPCC helpline can do this alot better. If there's no residency order then it's uncertain either way as to what could happen if he's returned home or not. If you feel as if he's in immediate danger if he returns home then you do need to contact social services. This really is the best route, they can advise you and put measures in place.

I really do understand that this is upsetting. Poor mite, I hope he's OK.

SixtyFootDoll · 07/08/2009 16:02

If you suspect DH hs deliberately hurt him then contact social services.
They will investigate it jointly with the Police.
They will have to be involved if you dont return DS home.
Take a photograph of the bruising.
Did you ask DS what happened to his face?
Dont ask things llike 'Did Daddy do it?'

Original poster
sonpan · 07/08/2009 16:05

It's mummy that i think has done it. Sorry, i am a man!
I have asked but ds doesnt speak very much.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 07/08/2009 16:09

How old is your son? Has your ex been violent before?

beanieb · 07/08/2009 16:09

can you use whoever is fascilitating the contact to ask your OH ?

Kids get bumps all the time. You would be very wrong to just keep your son and it could go against you in any future contact cases.

Maybe now is the time to talk to your ex and simply ask how your son got the bump. When you say 'can not speak' why is that?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 07/08/2009 16:10

You still need to contact social services. Does your child have any more bruises?

artichokes · 07/08/2009 16:14

Call the NSPCC. We are not experts - they are. You presumably have very limited time before you have to return him. Don't spend that time chatting to strangers on the internet, it won't give you answers but will decrease your interaction with your son.

I hope NSPCC are helpful.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 07/08/2009 16:15

There is always an on call social worker. Call them.

cheesesarnie · 07/08/2009 16:17

if you are that concerned-as in you really think your ex could have hurt your dc-surely youd be straight on the phone.no matter what relationship between you is like?

id phone nspcc for advice tbh

my 3 year old(and the 9 and 8 year olds)always have plenty of bruises from just general being children(i swear they could get them if left in padded room alone for a day)what makes you think this is different,that this has been done by your ex?

Tortoise · 07/08/2009 16:21

I agree that you should call social services and ask their advice.

SixtyFootDoll · 07/08/2009 16:36

Sorry sonpan to make assumptions.
I work in child protection.
You can contact SS and tell them of your concerns - wil probably be the out of hours service now.
They may well want you to take your DS for a medical.
Police will be notified as well.

SixtyFootDoll · 09/08/2009 14:11

any updaate?

carter657 · 09/08/2009 16:39

i agree with sixtyfootdaoll, i also work in child protection,
you need to report this to social services asap so that they can take it from there.
if there is a contact order you cant break it however social services can say that he can not return and then place him in your care.
i would always recommend this - it may have been an accident but you would feel awful if it wasnt and something worse happened next time

OnlyWantsOne · 12/08/2009 14:43

update wanted... hope everything turned out ok xx

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