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the future and waht to do???

6 replies

mummylou85 · 16/07/2009 11:56

Right I think way too much. I know some people will be against me but I must add I am on benefits now but before my daughter I worked every hour I could and would again but I find being there for my daughter more important at the mo. I ahve no family or friends to look after my little girl she is nearly4. my ex her dad bothers when it suits him but he cant be trusted even the courts give him supervised contacts anyway when child is 7 new government laws meaning having to come off income support and go on job seekers. Iam totally stressing.

option one

even though ex cant be trusted and I will never forgive him for what he did to me and my daughter I could have a baby at least when that child is 7 mine will be a teen so could be easier although thats given my teen too much responsibility and I will be in worse position cause insted of having one to worry about I will have two. I am very doubtful gonna meet anyone else I don't go anywhere my life revolves around my little girl.

option two
just go on job seekers. is there set amount of time you can be on job seekers??? I know you have to go on courses etc.. my friend is going on 13 week course at mo which I wouldn't mind but what if this course aint in school time or signing on makes it impossible to pick up my daughter from school. so many worries.

option three
I want to go to college and do child care and be a nursery teacher. if I go to college when she is 6 and it's 2 year course would I stay on income support until my course is finished. I want to wait until she is 6 to amke sure she is settled in school. even starting this course gives me worries as alot of work experience involved which means aint always available to pick her up from school and don't want to rely on her father. if she has school reports or trips he is type to hide info from me. everything competition.

am I stupid stressing. I just want to be there for my daughter. if I find a job in school hours which is unlikely. what happens if my daughter is ill or school holidays. i know other single mums manage but I have knowone and dont want childminder, couldn't afford one anyway. arghhh

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 16/07/2009 14:33

option 3 sounds like a good one for you and your daughter and a positive way forward. you will be doing something for yourself that potentially WILL fit round school.

speak to jobcentre they should be able to ehlp with childcare etc. also the college.

and going to college you will meet people and make new friends, hopefully people who will help with swaping babysitting etc.

there are some great childminders out there - but also the school may have after school clubs for some or all days -0 some also have breakfast clubs too - i worried about my dds going to after school club every day - but other kids go too and it is great for them.

nappyaddict · 16/07/2009 20:44

As a lone parent with no family support you need a job that fits in with not only school hours but also school holidays. This means you need to work within a day nursery/preschool/school setting, get a council job that deals with school liason so it is term time only or work for yourself.

Seems like option 3 fits in well with this

Niceguy2 · 17/07/2009 09:21

For goodness sakes don't go for option 1! You are not a baby making machine....

Option 3 sounds like a good option. You dont have to rely on your ex. I bet every school will have either an afterschool club or they will know of some childcare service which serves their school.

I have no help and often have to rely upon friends so I can work too. I can't imagine not working. I want to give my children the best from life and want to teach them that just because you are a single parent doesn't mean you can't work.

Just because you have kids doesn't mean your life should stop. Think about what you want and work your way towards it. Don't you deserve that?

nickschick · 17/07/2009 09:29

The thing is,whilst its good to plan the future and work towards a goal your dd is only 4 and a lot could happen before then.

Theres lots of options available to you for instance a 16 hour week will give you tax credits and help and can be managed in the holidays with childcare.

You could do many things some just for the 'day' some building towards a better future, some mums work in a supermarket 4 shifts of 4 hours,playgroups need staff some people retrain as hairdressers so they can work around their dc etc etc.

Its good you are looking towards the future but not good it is stressing you.

At the minute you are coming to terms with being a single parent and any big decisions will be yours and they will be very daunting but please dont stress about things almost 3 years away.

Who is to say that by the time your dd is 7 you wont be with a new partner and able to share the childcare responsibilities?.

nickschick · 17/07/2009 09:33

Can I also say that although people can be fantastic mums it doesnt neccesarily equate that you will be a fab nursery nurse - it is a very challenging job and despite it being a route often chosen not just anyone can do it.

What Im clumsily trying to say is that dont just use a profession to tide you over- nursery nursing is a skill.

mummylou85 · 11/09/2009 11:07

thanks for all messages. sorry not got internet at home and with the summer holidays. looks like option 3 is a good idea.
looks like I may apply for college for september. then my daughter be turning 5 and her first year of primary school and i'm torn in two of wanting to be there for her. alot work experience is involved in this course so it will run over school hours. oh it's so hard.

someone said nursery nurse is a skill. before my daughter I was working towards this and done few child courses and work placments in nursery's. just having confidence to start again. I have volunteered myself to give hand down my daughters nursery for outings or making toast etc. . anyway thank you, so difficult x

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