Feel like I'm back to square one!

[bettyboo26]

So me and ExH split nearly a year ago now.
I've been generally coping well and getting on with things.
He texts every night- i love you blah blah blah.

He came over in the week to talk and basically said he wanted to try again. I told him this would never happen (he treated me appallingly and we 'tried again' several times) I had to be quite hard. I think he has accepted what I said and the text messages have stopped.

ExH has now decided he wants to have Ds overnight at weekends and I believe this to be that he has now accepted the situation to no longer be short term.

I just feel so crap, like I'm starting the whole 'grieving' proccess again.
It doesn't help that I am feeling really lonely.

I struggle to tell people in RL how crap I'm feeling.

Please cheer me up. Ds is with his Dad today and rather than enjoying my day 'off' I'm moping around feeling like rubbish.

sorry you are feeling so sad.

I think the thing to hold onto is that dealing with grief isn't linear - or hasn't been for me. I don't think you feel a little bit better every day until one day you are completely better. You can go up and down, even in a few hours. Its easy when you are down to think it will be forever, but it won't be.

I read a good book, recommended by someone on here - the name of course I can't now remember and I've lent it to someone else, but I think it was called 'Leaving Him Behind'. Its main point was that you should cultivate a very business like relationship with your ex if you have to deal with him over children etc and not encourage yourself to think of him in any emotional way.

You do need to have someone to talk to in RL. Can you afford counselling? Even if its just few sessions, it can be really helpful just to talk with someone who doesn't have an agenda.

Thanks for relpying Spero.
You are so right in everything you said.
I feel like I'm grieving for the family life I wanted and sometimes I just feel so utterly lonely. Its silly really because I have a great family and lovely friends but I'm just so aware that at the end of the day, it's just me and Ds.
Maybe counselling would help, tbh I've got abit of a phobia as me and ExH went to relate when I was Pg and it was horrendous. (Counsellor was defo not impartial)
Maybe I can kill to birds with one stone
DS is home with me today so we are going to do something nice and hopefully I'll be feeling loads better later.
Feel better for admitting how crap I feel.
Thanks again for your reply

bettyboo26 it is a grieving process, i don't think you ever totally heal, i am a year down the line from divorce.
it is weird when my ds spends weekend with ex and his gf ex mistress.
The worst times are the 1st's. ie going to secondary school etc etc !

But it does get better ! i also have very supportive family and friends, but was in floods of tears dealing with bday and secondary school induction etc by myself. My choice as it still hurts too much to see ex, which is stoopid as he is a twunt!

((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))

hugs to you it does get better but there are lows too!