A mum at my sons school said to me today in a patronising way i might add, i dont know how you cope on you own...

[mumnotarobot]

I cant understand why its bothering me but i just cant seem to shake it off. I answered her and said just because im a single parent doesnt mean i should be pulling out my hair.
And it helps that my son is fantastic and i have a great family.
But i found the way she said it so rude, and if im honest judgmental. What do you think?
Is it just me? Because parenting has it moments but i would never say to someone i dont know how you cope.
Perharps she felt that because i was a lone parent my son would look unkept.

I suspect the other mum was not being nasty, just making conversation, and she probably genuinely admires you .

I had 3 kids in 3 years . People said to me almost every day of the week when they were young "goodness, how on earth do you cope?"

I used to reply
"I don't "
Think of it as a slightly clumsy compliment

It was a compliment. You're reading way too much into it. She admires your parenting skills and your ability to manage things independently, and was trying to tell you that.

I had this comment at school recently followed by 'haven't you done well by her'. Basically as a single mum with no help from the exH I have my daughter in a private fee paying school. Yes, that's right. A single Mum of a 6 year old who a few years ago was on benefits after splitting from her then Husband! I have worked my a@@e off since my DD was a year old and we ended up on our own. I wanted her to go to a great school so as well as running my own business which is only successful enough to provide the household budget, I also work at the school twice a week teaching a specialist class. It means that I can afford the fees. I am proud of my daughter and indeed of myself for making this work. NO posh married mother can take that away from me with comments like that. I don't sit on my backside drinking coffee while my child is at school waiting for a husband to come home. Ignore it. It's jealousy for the most part that in fact your life is likely to be much simpler that that of a married Mum. xxxx

Lazycow (great name BTW)....I do hope you are on the road to recovery. Bless your wonderful husband for looking after you. I am very lucky that although I am divorced and am a single mum my parents and my Sister and Bro-in-Law are just round the corner and give us lots of support and help. It is they who I could not cope without. Get well soon. x

you are reading too much into it

she was probably just trying to be nice

people say stuff like that all teh time to

• single parenst

• parents with disabilities or parenst of kids with disabilities

-those whose DP/DH works away a lot

• mums of multiples

• mums with very demanding jobs or those who work long hours

• mums with lots of kids or several close in age

• those with no family locally

etc etc etc

i agree, she was probably just trying to be nice.

You know, I've never said it, but I do think it. In no way patronising, it makes me feel pretty inadequate actually. Looking after a small child is so, so hard. There was a period when DS was a few weeks old when DH had an operation, my mother was away, and I had to express all the baby's feeds as he had tongue-tie and wasn't nursing well, so I also had to sterilise everything, and he ate and then pooed roughly every two hours... and DH needed sandwiches and drinks and drugs shoved at him semi-regularly, too. My life was this horrendous, blurred treadmill. And I remember being sat there on the sofa, hardly able to move through sheer exhaustion, thinking, how the bloody hell did my Mum do this on her own, and with two of us? How? (Her answer when she came back was: well, in my case I decided having two kids was easier than your father making it three!)

Anyone who can lovingly and competently parent without any adult help worthy of the description must have ovaries or balls of steel, and I salute you. When I rule the world, you shall get a special badge of honour, and a bottle of whatever the hell you like delivered to your home every Friday night, so there.

Oops, sorry! It's so late, DS is teething, and I opened "Active Threads" and thought this was an AIBU!

But you were so eloquent, qally, don't apologise