I can't believe people are optimistic enough to think there are interesting and single and fit men out there

[MaggieBeau]

I never post on those threads because I just see that it's obvious that there aren't any!

How much does that matter?!

Does it have to matter?

it's not about searching for someone??

for me, i went on online dating out of boredom one night.

ended up meeting couple of people.

also went on various nights out with friends. with no intention of finding someone else.

needless to say i'm seeing someone now i met in my local. but he had a long slog to get me to this stage.

but i can say i never ever thought ~"there's no one fit , interesting and avaiable left"

i've always been in the frame of mind it will happen one day when its right.

but lets face it. if you met a guy with a pessimistic eeyore type outlook on life..... would you find that fit and interesting.

this dim view on life is going to scare off a fit and interesting man if you do find one.

i think those who aren't sure they exist. perhaps you should go about liking yourself, and enjoying your life.

then even if you NEVER do meet anyone who you would consider a LTR, at least your happy with yourself, and enjoy your life.

if you dont feel fit..... fix it, on you can do that. not fate or a date. just you hitting gym or losing weight.

if your in debt....either spend less or increase your income.

my point is.. all these things are within your power. all the other crap like men is not anything you can control or have any say in tbh. so forget about it. by all means do some dating, go online if you cant get out house much due to childcare.

but dont date online looking for "the one", or "no-strings sex".... try online dating just to go on a DATE,

enjoy male company,
get your "mojo" back.
be called your own name , and not "mum"
gain confidence as you realise men will still find you attractive

as for the thing about preferring childless women. this is completely untrue. has never put off anyone i talked to online.

and no matter how many times i told current fella "i have kids , you shouldn't be interested, go find someone without"...... he still comes bounding after like a puppy snatching whatever free time i have.

alot of men LIKE that you have something that keeps you busy and aren't harassing them like a childless female when they want to go watch footy or participate in whatever random hobby they have.

well said rj - I keep saying the same to the guy I am seeing but he seems cool with it. Am sure we would see more of each other if I could.

We like each other's company and get on really well. As I said I am really not sure where it's going but even if it didn't go anywhere I would have learnt something.

It's not completely untrue though as I have had it said to me twice.

People on here suggest online dating like it comes with a garuntee of a date a week for the next month.

Yes you have to love yourself first, but there are only so many knock backs someone cann take before they start to think it must be them.

How do I find them? well, in several ways... in the early days of the separation I found myself with a couple of child free nights a week, plenty of things I wanted to see/go, and nobody to enjoy them with (all friends taking care of their families). So, I started joining groups, tried a class, started talking to people, and yes, some internet sites but always, always, insisted I was just looking for friendship, that things could develop further with the right person but that at the moment I was just looking for friends, plain friends.

So I met people that I shared interests with, sometimes it was about books, culture, cinema, human rights and even philosophy. I think feeling relaxed about things also make the guys relax and be themselves.

I have met a good number of divorced guys, who are exactly in the same position we divorced mums are. With the interest of putting the needs of the children first but trying to find someone to share their world with. I have met some wonderful men, from the widow who took lovely care of his two toddlers, to a guy who could be a mum and dad 24/7 for his soon to be teenagers.

As us, some of them have a had a bad time, some have a few patches, and some have things that make them incompatible with me, but in general they are people who need to find someone to love and be loved by in the same way we do.

I'm not particularly pretty, trendy or fun... in fact... I'm a library mouse... and I am very open about it , but I think that I can keep a good conversation and I think that is my "selling" point. I also offer respect and demand respect, for some reason it seems the people I have met like that

When the shock of the split was over, one day I sat and make a very extensive list of the characteristics of who would be the right man for me. With that in mind it was not difficult to identify who that man was when he showed into the picture, and to weed out those who I should not touch with a barge pole regardless of how handsome they were.

Sorry for the long post, hope this may have helped in someway...

Don't give up hope! What you need to be looking for is a single dad. There are many out there. Try the website 'single parents date.' 40 is not old. Buy a great outfit for dates, get your hair done, (hairdressers always need models, so it can be much cheaper) and brush up on your flirting. While you believe no one will want you, no one will. Believe in what a great catch you are, and this shows.
NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I have a friend with 5 kids who is 39, and she met a lovely guy on a dating website and they're now married. She was so positive someone would want her, they actually did!
Good luck.

Not at all - I went online last July had a couple of unsuccessful dates over last summer. Then didn't have any more dates until Feb/March this year.

I am convinced it isn't you Nutty - think we might have had this convo before. In fact how can it be you if they haven't even yet met you in person. You and I are just another online profile.

I don't get as far as meeting them in person, something puts them off before that lol.

When I split with xp I honestly, honestly had a different attitude and expected to be dating or having had a couple of dates within 6mths.

How wrong can a girl be.

I don't like being single but I grin and bare it. the person I want to attract is a home person who wants a family and wants to stay settled. where do you find that sort? most on the internet dating sites are single because they "couldn't settle" and have moved on into the singledom and enjoy it to much to commit to an older person. I did have a few short term relationships but they didn't last.

even when ex-h left and I was in the depth of despair, I always though that at some point I would met someone else that I wanted to share my life with.

I'm not really looking, I am on pof and have been chatting to a few blokes, but bottled out on a meeting at the weekend.

I am in general happy on my own, although obviously some physical contact would be nice however I don't just want something casual with no strings.

I certainly don't imagine that I will spend the rest of my life on my own - but the thought of that heppening doesn't fill me with despair.

depends what you want
personally I think being a lone parent is a fab perspective for dating because you have to be so darn choosy
not in looks, brains necessarily but in findign someone loyal decent and kind who won't let you and dc down
I found my bf online last summer and he is lovely, though he probably wouldn't fit the fit and interesting standards I had in my twenties, say - my ex is 'fitter' and 'more interestig' but also a complete bastard mismatch
bf adds to my life because I like men and dare I say it sex but I now know I can cope on my own with the dc and I feel strong and happy in any case

btw I also have two dc, not a pot etc and am older than you op and look every minute of it!

RJ, I don't want to lose my mojo!! Perhaps it's not sexual mojo that I've got right now, but it is independent mojo, it's looks about omg I'm content! mojo.

That's what I don't want to risk losing.

My parents' friend's son who's abotu 36 is getting married to a girl my age with 3 children and they were telling my parents that their son was engaged but they were telling the story in a "you'll never guess was rory's gone and got himself embroiled in" kind of way, raising their eyes to heaven and saying a single mum, who doesn't work, on benefits, with threeeeee children no less. And then they had the omg shit moment, looked at me and said, oh but she has three children you only have two!

maggie - i mean finding your mojo!!

Yeah I know what you mean! but I mean, I risk losing more mojo than I am likely to find.

Not necessarily... now you know what you want and make you happy and I'm sure you will be able to protect it even if the right person shows around

I think I am optimistic enough to believe they are out there it's just a case of
a) hunting hard enough or
b) waiting til you're not so fussy

I think I would like to meet someone one day but for the time being I am pretty busy sorting out my tattered career.

Plus I cannot bring myself to do online dating again as the steady stream of bullshit is just too much to stomach, so until I have some time to myself to get out and socialise, I have no chance.

Ok now some shocking news, i met my fella last year when i was the grand old age of 44!!

He is a single dad and has brought up his teenage daugther on his own for he past 8 years. He is a kind, loving, sensitive man and we have been seeing each other for 9 monnths now. Not once has the fact i have kids put him off (and mine are younger at 8 and 13.

There are some lovely men out there (he has 2 good friends who are single and looking for a LTR). Dont give up, but like others have said dont put your life on hold either. I met my fella when i least expected to.

Feeling old, that's a nice story. A real person that you met ... in real life?!

I could not wade through the internet. I need to have my faith in humanity restored! and I've the spookiest feeling that dating on line would have the opposite effect!

Yes Maggie, a real life man I met at a local pub. He lives 28 miles away and was persuaded by friends in my local town to come over and go out with them for the night and on the same night I had a rare night out with a friend of mine and we just got chatting, I thought that was it but little did I know that he had given my friend his mobile number and left the ball in my court whether I wanted to contact him or not and I did and we are having a wonderful time.

I was seeing him for about 4 months before i told the kids (used to see him on weekends kids were at their dads) and they wanted to meet him so about a month later he came over for tea one day and the rest is history.

We only really see each other at weekends cos we both work full time but its lovely to have something to look forward to and we are all going on holiday together in august (with his daughter and my kids).

Neither of us expected to meet anyone let alone fall in love. Just goes to show you are never too old!