My partner and I split. I asked him to leave cos of his increasing abusive behaviour (emotional largely but had escalated to threats against me, and physical aggression - walls being punched, plates being broken in front of kids). Anyway you get the picture.
My two gorgeous sons are living with me in what is now a lovely calm house. They are really happy kids - 4 months and 2 and a half and we have a wonderful time together. Since ex partner has gone the eldest has become more wonderful and really listens to me and nursery have said that he seems very happy too.
I think that my ex p has the right to see his kids (clearly needs to see the younger one with me present as I am breastfeeding on demand). I would like to, try at least, to arrange contact with their dad, informally without the courts. Ds1 clearly gets very excited when he sees his dad and has fun with him so I dont want to thwart contact.
However, ex p does the following:
- makes negative comments about me in front of kids
- calls kids "little shits" or "little basatrds" as a loving joke (really dont like this and think is inappropriate for obvious reasons)
- disrespects nap times and forgets meals so ds1 gets grumpy. I know a lot of dads do this but then he fails to understand this and loses patience with him e.g. tells him to shut up etc
- refuses to agree any specific contact times (he says he works nights and so he never know when he will wake up).
I have tried to explain that the above to him but he just says I am a self righteous nag.
How do I balance up the pros and cons of them seeing their dad? I feel as a mum I have to protect my kids from harm including emotional harm. Clearly extreme to stop dad seeing them but I cannot get through to him (why our relationship broke down).
Any tips/advice welcome.