another fathers day advice thread (please)

[mrsmortenharket]

to cut long story short, after dd saw x at contact centre he turned round and said that he wanted to see her on fathers day as his brother was having a party. he had already mentioned it to dd, using emotional blackmail as he normally does by saying that his dad missed her. bloody git why does he always do this to her? she's only 4 ffs.

i then felt like i had no choice and am having to let her go, even tho it's taken nearly 2 and 1/2 months to try and sort out alt weekend and stay overnight access and he's dragging his bloody heels, dd's saying when can i stay at daddy's again? i miss him mommy. why can't he accept what he's doing to her????? i am so angry that he's hurting her like this

fwiw, as i posted on another fd thread, i am letting her go, i just feel bit wary as i know he will use meotional blackmail and i won't know what he say to her. it only comes out (from dd) a couple of days later. he has always got a birthday card from her and father's day cards etc but not once did he bring a mothers day card to the contact centre.

sorry for long rant and etc

It's so hard, isn't it. My daughter thinks Daddy is the best thing in the world too. I guess all you can do is keep being the great mother and parent you are already being, and know that time will tell. She will know what you have done for her eventually. Does your ex have all his contact through a contact centre? Is this the first time he has taken her elsewhere? Are you happy about him doing that? - it's just not clear from your post what your arrangement is.

Well, my ds decided she wanted to stay at home the weekend of father's day. She had been away all week so not seen me.

Present and card bought and left at ex's parents.

She is almost 11 has lived through his abuse, been rail roaded into 2nd place by the woman who broke up her family, so decided she'd rather stay home.

I haven't interfered just let her make her decision and let her tell her dad.

He was upset , but tbh he is sooooooooo selfish he probably has no idea why she has done it!

To any dad reading this, i honestly haven't influenced her, you reap what you sow as far as i am concerned .

But the gift a photo frame with the words of a story she loved and he read to her with a nice pic of them together did make me cry !

he does have all his contact through centre atm, have been trying to arrange alternate weekend access but he's dragging his heels - i made sure i told solicitor that he can make alt.w/e at the contact centre and funnily enough i haven't heard back from his sols yet

he did used to look after her two nights a week but then things deteriorated, she said she didn't want to see him - he didn't even say bye to her - you should've seen the look on her face when he walked away from her . more recently, she said she didn't want to see him cos of the way he spoke to both of us on the phone, so i told him that. his reponse was to stop paying maintenance.

he is a totally selfish bastard who only thinks of his own needs and not his daughter's. i too can't wait for the day when she is old enough to tell him where to go for the way he's treated both of us. (i suspect that's more the case of me being petty tho i know what it's like to have a dad who turns his back on you and i wouldn't want that for her

tigerlilli - that present sounds so sweet.

notevenamousie - it's hard being the 'great mom' all the time tho - sometimes i just need me time sometimes and i can't, much as i love her, it's brill when she's at school at least i get a couple of hours then.

hows you both todya? (((()))

It is really hard. Sorry if it came across as a bit trite. It certainly wasn't meant to. I know what the "you're doing so well" line can feel like - you just want to scream "but I don't want to do it any more!!".

Your poor dd - she must feel very confused given all that has happened in her little lifetime. I think you are doing so great to keep doing the right thing by her. I do know how thankless that is.

didn't sound trite at all

she does get abit confused some times but i just give her a cuddle and explain things as best i can.

he was 5mins late yesterday, started geting stressed as he knew what time to bring her back adn he still manages to be late. it's like he leaves at 6 and thinks oh it will be ok. barsteward.

she went dressed in a princess dress, she came home in a sundress for her age group but it barely covered her chest and he didn't see anything wrong with her wearing it. basically it was becasue he was a snob going to his brother's house and he didn't want her to wear a tatty dress. he said it was dirty, it had been washed two days previous. oh and he deliberately forgot to put it in her bag to home with!

All those sorts of things really add up don't they. My dd came back with painted toenails and a 'handbag' - she is 2.6 FGS! I am sure it is the same sort of frustration. But they will lose in the long term, they really will

of course they will lose - although it is hard i cannot help but think that x is losing out on so much

He uses emotional blackmail..then you give in to it. So obviuosly he will continue as long as you give in to him....it wont get better till you so no

he doesn't use it on me but it's more what he says to dd when i not with them at the centre