Do any of you get really pssied that you have to pay for everything for your child and the maintenance you get hardly scratches the surface?

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Clothes, shoes, toys, food, trips etc. I'm feeling really resentful at the moment that I've been doing everything for ds forever and his dad does so very little. I know ds appreciates it, a little help would be nice.

I get the bare minimum - something like £10 a month for my three, more than my exdp spends on feeding his dog {angry]

In the meantime he owns several properties which he manages and rents out (and pours money into so as to decrease his taxable income to nil) whilst claiming on incapacity benefit because he is "depressed" .

Oh ,and whilst the csa tries to work out how to put my application for a variation onto its computer system he puts £100,000k into the property in which he now lives so I can't claim that .

On a positive note the dcs live with me and that's worth millions

I don't get any maintenance and the only way that I've stopped becoming resentful is to enjoy shopping for baby stuff for dd. I also have the knowledge that when she is grown she will hopefully see that I provided for her and feel proud. Hopefully!

There has been a father jailed for non-payment of CSA arrears - he was refusing to pay as he said he had his DCs half the time. It's very rare, though. But then I'm not sure that any parent has actually been jailed for not allowing contact to go ahead either.

I was chatting to the father of one of my DD's friends at the school summer fair yesterday and was stunned to hear him say that he was refusing to pay any maintenance. He was saying that because it was his ex-wife's decision to end the marriage, she should pay for everything If we hadn't been in the playground and surrounded by kids I'd have called him a selfish twunt to his face; as it is, I think I'll have a quiet word with his ex.

For what it's worth, my ex is in arrears with the CSA as she didn't pay a penny while she was working and ignored all their letters. She's currently paying the princely sum of £5 a week as she's now on benefits and leaching off living with her latest boyf. That just about covers my DC's pocket money .

zookeeper, you're absolutely right that having the DCs living with us is worth millions.

PSM, in a way, paying for everything is insurance.

Fast forward 8 yrs to when my dd is 15. HOW can she judge me for leaving a man who wouldn't give us fresh air to live on???

I will say to her, well it was either move away and receive the help from my relatives OR.... have stayed near your dad with no support network, no money, no optimism no hope (me).....

I feel confident that as an intelligent girl she will be unable to be angry with me for leaving.

Guys soz to hyjack the thread, but any positive CSA experiences?
My ex has just started dicking around with maintenence, so Ive gone to CSA (last week). He works for the government though, so isn't self employed and has a firm address so cant go walk-abouts. How likely is it that they will make him cough up? The guy at CSA said he has no choice, or GCHQ will take it straight from his wages, is this true?

I don't get any maintainance and I have never felt resentful that I have to provide everything for my DS, I'm his mother and his only parent, he is my son and part of that means paying for everything for him, that's what parents do. How could I resent providing for my son?

Perhaps if the sperm donor his father was actually in his life and had some custody and access etc. then I might feel resentful if he didn't contribute financially. Maybe I'm just lucky that he isn't in our life.

Do you never get to that point where you are sick of being the only parent that does things for your child though? I do love doing things for ds but I do get so tired (physically) I often don't have the energy. I can't see how this is fair on ds.

I occasionally get pissed off with ex dh over this money thing, but I see it more as I am proud to be doing it myself.

He has given me nothing for 2 years now. He doesn't understand his responsibility, he ignores his responsibility.

he is a cunting fuckard.

Fluffy I don't really think about it like that, it's been just the two of us for so long that I tihnk of it as normal (to us it is normal).

What I do feel is occasional pangs of jealousy when I see two parent families out and about and getting on, but I'd rather be a lone parent than be with ex that's for sure.

I'm in the process of trying to get ds assessed for aspergers, I have found a lovely school that can really help him, for £7K a year! It's always down to me and I get so annoyed that his dad just doesn't care enough to send him an email once a week. I think I'm just having a bad patch.

OMDB, I know what you mean, because to me, spending money on my children is the same as spending money on myself.

But it makes me cross that my x is abusing my good nature. He knows that I will of course make sure the children have what they need even if it means going without something I would have liked. He can meanwhile continue to live in his beautiful victorian house, go on holiday twice a year and drive an expensive car.

He sees the children whenever he comes to see them, it's not pay per view so I can't prevent him. But I feel that he is stealing from me.

Fluffybunny, I know this is backtracking a little, but in our situation, it's DH that has gone without.

Ex-W is now living with a well-off partner, and DH gladly (as he should) supports 50% of DSD's living expenses - this is an enormous percentage of our weekly budget, and many times more than the CSA assessment, but DH and ex-W agreed the figures fairly.

Unfortunately she can't seem to help wanting to make an issue of it.

I take exception to your statement that she 'must have done without' - this has never knowingly happened in our case, in fact the opposite - on one occasion, childless ourselves, we cancelled our holiday in order to give ex-w additional funds in order to take a family holiday. This is not a "Oh, good for you" situation - DH & I did what ought to be done for any child, but don't presume all fathers are the same. DH was abandoned by Ex-w and sat through the birth of a child he thought to be his - only to be told differently in the labour suite.

Just read this thread and the stories are so sad, appalling what some men get away with or think it's okay to attempt. £ 1,25 per child per week??? A chewing gum costs more than that. Is it any wonder that British society is so broken when so many children living below the poverty line??

I guess consolation -if there is any- must lie in the knowledge, that your dc will know who cared, fed, washed and looked after them and who didn't give a toss.

Fluffy, are there any charities which you could contact to raise the monies necessary to help your son go to that school?

Maggie, is just laughed at "pay per view".

I get a bit more than some of the very sad stories here but it barely scratches the surface of the childcare bill let alone everything else. I know my ex has had two foreign holidays in the past year with his new GF, and sometimes I get really cross about it. But at least I can say I gave everything I had for my dd - and I think many of you are right, our dc will know this in years to come.

mine has gone baclk into full time education, so now he 'officially' doesn't have to give us a penny.

He is entitled to do what he wishes, careerwise, BUT he acts like a single teenager, with no responsibilites, putting himself first yet again. His course is long, 5 yrs i think, he doesn't work in any way to put a meal in dd's tummy.

ikwym maggiebee, about them trusting and relying on us to take care of the kids.

it should be pay per view !!!

Mine is 'self employed' making it very hard for the CSA to do an accurate assessment .

The award we do have in place is however, very large although I imagine hell will freeze over before we get a penny from the muppet.

Oh and his sob stories don't really wash with me when he is having yet another baby (third family).

His recent wedding photo's were on facebook and I had to prevent myself from commenting on the seemingly hundreds of bridesmaids, I mean if he had cut back on a few of them he could have paid some money this year, but as it was he appeared to have purchased the whole of BHS's bridal range

lol
had to contat csa as condition of being unemployed, not heard one word from them!

I'm on both sides as both my dp and I have kids from previous relationships.

I'm lucky that my ex has always paid money towards our DC on time, but I try not to rely too heavily on it. When I was on my own, I worked full time so I could support us on my own, just in case my ex lost his job or got ill or whatever. He DOES have more disposal income than me, but I'm not resentful as I would far rather have my life than his, seeing LO every day rather than once a week

My dp has always paid money on time for his dc's as well, as much as he can afford (more than the csa would ask for) and he does contribute in other ways for example school trips or whatever.

It is annoying though when his ex makes digs every time we spend money. We cut back on luxuries to save for a holiday abroad, but when we booked it we got snide comments about how she can't afford a holiday abroad for example, however she goes out most week ends when the kids are with us. We were both working full time and she chose to work part time - her choice but how can she then complain to us that she has less disposal income and it's not fair?!

Not saying anyone on here is like that btw, but I think life is too short for feeling resentful. Hands up who on here would swap their life for their exes even if that meant having the exes disposable income???? Not many I bet!

SG

It the CSA got involved in my case, the Ex would have an application in to get custody and I don't think that level of stress is worth the money the CSA could get me if the Ex paid the CSA. As it is at the moment, Ex will get any cloths, all I have to do is ask. School cloths this year are about £80, which is about what I would get in 2 months if the CSA were involved.

If Ex did get custody, I would loose most of my benefits, my house and all the time I get with DS.

The money is not worth the hassle. I struggle but I get by.

Mine self employed too. I cannot be bothered to ask for any extra money anymore. Everytime I have asked for help with my two ds's he seems to think that his maintenance covers food, school shoes, club fees, trainers clothing infact everything the fool !!!!.
He really thinks that what he gives me is ALL he should give me....I mean "How dare I eh"..... "It was my idea to leave him, so thats what I get" so he tells me in his monosyllable voice....YAWN .
So yes, I work part time and pay for 90% of things my boys need.

Monkeyfacegrace - you will be laughing hopefully (she says) - working for the government is guaranteed to get you a straight pay out promptly and regularly! I only know this because every colleague I've worked with who happens to be a man and separated from a partner (ie not married), gets it taken at source for the full entitled amount immediately cos they obviously share data immediately! They all moan of course! There are different circumstance of course, BUT, the CSA seem with them, to start deducting straight away before looking into fuller facts. I ALWAYS wish XDP worked for the Governement from my experiences. I keep my fingers crossed for you!

Hi,all stories where the absent parent doesnt pay correctly is sad and unfair. I am on both sides of the fence here and upset at the remark "all parents who the child/children live with are ALWAYS worse off is soo unfair. I know majority of times it is true but i am pulling my hair out at the moment!

I met my recent husband 5 yrs ago, 2 yrs after his marriage ended and they both had previous partners.

He has always paid a good maintenance for his 2 children. I always told him that i fully agree that the parent with whom the children live with should get what they are entitled to. NOT take all they can get!

I was married for almost 12 yrs to a terrible man but had 3 gorgeous children. I lost my house,contents,safety and NEVER got a penny from a man who had a very decent job.

He hardly saw them,was cruel mentally when he did see them and now, to cut a story short...he has not seen them for 8yrs.

Recently we got married, 2 weeks ago. My husband has just finished paying maintenance for his 21yr old son and is still paying for his almost 17 yr old daughter. I fully support him with the amount he gives towards his childrens upbringing. He helps in lots of ways.

His ex is a very nasty,manipulating,jealous woman. She is to be honest (not bitter) a nutcase! WHO would marry their next husband on the same day she married her first? She did...only 8mths or so later..they split. She never knows whether she wants a man or woman. Her daughter is very insecure...all the different ppl she has coming into her life. She has a lovely detached house, she bought with 80,000 cash she got in her settlement. She wants for nothing and neither does her daughter. Yet still shes not happy. She has yet another boyfriend, not divorced yet i add. We get threatened that we should pay more. We have "spare" 200 pounds a month. This is for clothes,haircuts,anything that may come up during the month. Now she wants that.

I just recieved my FIRST maintenance cheque since 2001....£6.50 for my 3 children!!!

Sorry but this absolutely makes me scream. My children never complain or say they dont have enough but my step daughter who gets all the maintenance herself...complains all the time she has no money.

Their past has nothing to do with me yet she is a terrible bitch to me. I have done nothing but love those 2 as tho they were my own....she doesnt like it! She hated the fact tht my family gave them pocket money and hers didnt..

I am sorry if i seem to be going on here but i dont know where to turn.

If she gets the extra she wants....we will have nothing and my children will suffer more than they eveer have. Its an important time for them at school etc and need the "little" spare we have.

Obviously there is a lot more to my story and going on a tangent here and now is not right. I am just so upset that this woman cannot move on in her life and leave us alone.

I love all my children...yes they are all mine as far as i am concerned...i am just disapointed the way people manipulate them for their own means. I am sure this has happened to many....how come my 3 children and i can be treated by such a terrible man and find love with a man who is treated so badly by a terrible woman.....life sucks .

I should be on cloud nine.....yet theres this massive black cloud over me

It does suck but this is how things have turned out. It's not right. Could you ask the CSA to re-assess your husband to make sure the amount he's paying is correct?