How do you manage to get anything done/hear yourself think for 2 seconds ????

[h20]

Yesterday it finally got to me.I spend all week working, shopping, cooking, cleaning and looking after 2 pre-school children. I feel like I don't have much of a life apart from that. I am a fairly newly separated 'single' parent. My house is half finished as my husband and I split in the middle of the project. Tried to get on with dismantling/ assembling and moving beds around yesterday so that I can ready the house to get a lodger so that I can try and pay the mortgage. Even that impossible with being driven mad by the kidsjumping on it all, shouting mummymummy etc. I lost my temper because I can't do ANYTHING i want to do and repeatedly kicked the changing table (not with a kid on it). ARRGH. ...What to do, AIBU to want some ruddy peace to get on with something? Need to do loads of painting- even going to B&Q to get the sandpaper with both kids is all too much what with tantrums etc ... My mum said I was being unreasonable and I should not try to do it until the kids are asleep but i am knackered by then and want to sit down. How do you manage to get anything done/hear yourself think for 2 seconds ???? Tips/advice/spare strong medication welcome ...

Hi!

It is hell on earth at times and what you really need is a second pair of hands. So, is there anyone who can have the kids while you do ONE thing? Would your Mum or ex- have them for a couple of hours each? Then, do just one thing. The reason I say this, is I try to do everything on my list and obviously, things just implode after a while!

Break it down into small steps and priortise. You need the bedroom you want to rent out and the bathroom and kitchen, up and running - they do not have to be perfect. Would your ex- come in and do some of the work, as it is to secure his children´s home?

I get up early to do work four days a week - just an hour each day and then, I don´t get it all done, but an hour is enough. Remember you can´t get exhausted - or anymore than you are usually - or things really do come crashing down.

Alternatively, try bribery - they get an hour of Cbeebies, or favourite dvd and you do X. You get to paint the bathroom, they play in their bedroom, and then, you all go to the park.

Good luck.

how old are the children?
does the oldest go to preschool for a few hours a day or week?
couldn't your mum be a bit more helpful and take them out to the park or soemthing so you can get some painting done?
or does your ex take them out once a week or something similar?

oh its bloody awful this isn't it?
i don't think people fully appreciate just how knackering it all is going it alone,its hard enough to get thru all the daily stuff without the extras of diy on top
i hate it i truly do
the only way i manage is to just pace myself really,but i have tbh when i do have child free time i make that time purely for myself
so really no tips here from me
but lots of sympathy

The kids are 2 and 4. Husband is putting doors on and things but slowly and only in return for paying no maintenance for 2 months [sigh]. One of the reasons we fell out was his non-involvement, and he is now living on a camp-site (god knows why) so he can't have the kids. To facilitate I let him have access at my house which means the mess/noise/chaos and food consumption is still centred on my house and I have to go out!

Sorry to butt in here - I just want to congratulate you ladies on how well you do. My dh is in the Army and I spend a lot of time alone with dd - I feel like a single mum a lot of the time!

I take my hat off to all of you

h20 - mines are 22 month and 3.4 yo. i put lo to bed when ds is off to preschool. get at least 1 hr that way do something or nothing.

plus my sister works nearby. and regular pops in for half hr after her work once a week minimum. literally long enough for me to half a ciggie and cup of tea in peace while they jump all over her.

any relatives who can arrange on a certain day of week they pop by for cuppie and give you half hr just to sit down and have a break?

Oh have had the crappest day here too, I understand how you feel.

The only times I get really cross with them are when I myself am ill or in pain of some sort, and when I am trying to do something to the house.

Tbh my usual strategy (if you can call it that) is to ignore housework while I concentrate on the DIY (which I find far more interesting) but then the housework piles up a bit.

Still once the housey things are done, you can ignore them and it makes the housework easier (ie once something's painted, it can be wiped down easily etc). So it's gradually getting to the stage where it's all about maintenance rather than renovation, then you get a routine going on, then things just fall into place.

My mother also said do it when they are asleep...she has no idea how exhausted I am by then!!!

I wish I had more advice, but lots of sympathy heading your way xx

My DD is a but older, but have been on my own since the start, so know how it feels. Also a CM so up to 6 kids during day, and DD doesnt sleep, so exhausted pretty often!)

Think the best thing to do first is take a day off. Take the kids out and have a really fun time, and relax. DO NOT think about what needs done, just enjoy the moment.

Then, the next morning start a list of exactly what needs done in very small steps, and then decide what is the highest priority. Also make a list of anyone you know who is "handy" who might be able to help out, even for an hour, and call them. If you arent happy with him taking them out, can your xp sit with them while they have a bath? That has always distracted and calmed my dd well, and she would happily stay there for hours!

Or, can you make them part of the project? Using building beds as an example, can the kids jump on the mattress while you build the bed? Make a fort with bedding? Are they old enough to "help"? My DD is 6 and can now build beds single handedly - I do the heavy lifting, she screws the bits in...she also put the living room coffee table and bookcase together while I did an assignment on the pc in same room

Alternatively, make a huge deal of going to the library to pick a special DVD or two. It will not hurt the kids to watch TV for an hour or two a day for a week... Once house is sorted you will be so much more relaxed and ready to play, they will forget about watching it!

Again, will depend on their age, but if you have a timer, can you say, right, im gonna do this job for 10 mins. As soon as the buzzer goes we will have a drink and a snack / play hide and seek for two hides etc etc

Take a decent break during the day - even a trip to B&Q followed by 20 mins in the park...

Then, once they go to bed, get yourself ready for bed too and chill out. Have a cup of tea and remind yourself what you have accomplished that day / tick off things on to-do list! If you dont rest at night, how on earth will you have energy during the day!

Ooops - just realised this is a few days old. Hope things got a little better for you through the week!