would i be out of order to do this?

[shoptilidrop]

So ive just found out today that my exhusband ( not yet ex.. but seperated) started fucking a 19 year old girl a month after we moved in together to be a family.
This has hurt me a lot
What hurts more is that the first weekend he had with is daughter on his own since dec ( this was in april) he hired an army house and had his gf stay there with them.
I am horrified. My poor dd is going through a really terrible time ajusting to this. Lots of seperation anxiety which she has never had before. Lots of crying and tamtrums. Then i had a bad fall and ended up on crutches then she saw our dog get hit by a car. All in all she was in a bit of a state. I was worried about her first visit with him, he had been very unraliable on weekend day only visits and even her nursery said to me that they didnt think it was a good idea. I spent hours going through this with him, trying to tell him how fragile her emotional state was at the time. How to try and make it a good weekend for the both of them to it could be done again. I want her to have a close realtionship with her dad.
So rather than spend the weekend bonding with is child he had hardly seen in 4 months he had his new teenage girlfriend there too.
I am not happy that this happened and that i was not told about it.
He was meant to be having her next weekend, but has cancelled. Then the next time he was meant to have her overnight he has said that he cant get a house to have her stay.
Would i be totally in the wrong to stop overnight visits for the momment and say he can only see her in the day time and that i dont want her seeing this girl ( who does not live locally anyway)
I know the courts look badly on withdrawing access and i dont want to do that. But surely as her mother i get some right as to who she sees?

nope. you have no say at all unfortunately. his time is his time.....unless new gf is a danger.

if its a court order then you need to go bak to court to amend such order. if this is just an agreement between the two of you i think its perfectly reasonable and indeed advisable to stop iovernight contact for the time being. he is not making enough of an effort to make contact a priority and he needs to have a stable and reliab,le amount of contact before overnight access should be re isntated.

allow him to have her for the day at whatever frequency you decide. then when he has managed that for say 3/4 months you could look at maybe extending that. allow him to re build his relationship.

justto add, if she doesn't live locally she probably wont be there during contact if its just a day time visit anywya. its probably best not to cloud the argument.

the most important thing here is that your Dd gets to build a meaningfull relationship withher fatehr

thing is that he doesnt live locally either.
He was picking dd up, taking her back to where he lives and thats when he introduced his gf.
I think i will tell him that he can see her everyweekend, but he has to stay locally ( his parents are local too) maybe no overnight visits for a while until he can prove he is putting dd first. Then he can have overnight at his parents.
Ive spoken to his parents and they are horrified and have said that they would be happy to host them both and that they think he needs to wake up to his responsibility,
We dont have any formal arrangement, and he just changes his plans to when ever he wants too. Or says he will do one weekend, then then day before phone and cancel and make it for another weekend. etc...
He turns up late, or drops dd off earlier. says he will phone dd, then doesnt.
He doesnt see that fall out in dd that this causes, and ive tried so many times to tell him that she needs reliable contact. Ive even writted emails and letters but he doesnt seem to get it.