Am I overreacting to be completely f***ing furious?

[FrostyTheSnowgirl]

My exp and myself have a love hate relationship, we either get on really well or we're fighting all the time. Anyway, we keep a book between us for when ds goes to his to write down anything the other needs to know. Ds is almost 2.5 and I decided a few weeks ago to try and potty train him which failed miserably he just wasnt ready so I decided to wait til he was 2 and a half to try again. Yesterday I got the book back and this was what was written:
"DS has had his nappy off all day today and he needs to be potty trained now. I think u should work on it this weekend. He is ready now". He was only there for 3 hours and an hour of it was travelling so all day was a fucking big exaggeration and baring in mind that exp only sees ds 3 times a fortnight i can't help but think its a fucking cheek that he's telling me what to do when its me who's bringing him up ALONE, he only gets to do the fun stuff with him.

oh and i forgot to add that his mother does everything for him when ds is there!

YABU. He is still his dad!

I think you're overreacting a bit too from what you've posted .

I can see how that might be irritating but keep in in perspective and rise above it.

he doesnt act like it believe me. He's never helped me ever, so he's not telling me what to do

I'm not going to say anything to him, I just need to sound off, if I gave you the full story of whats gone on, people might understand me more but I'd be here all day

If he's generally a twat then just completely ignore it. Don't dignify it with a reaction and let off as much steam here as you like!

How much time does you DS spend with his dad?

Maybe you should talk to you XP to arrange for ds to be with him more so he can take more responsibility and be more involved in his son's development and do his share of the the boring stuff as well as the fun bits.

i know, thanks god ive read it back and i do sound completely irrational! it just seems like he goes out of his way to piss me off all the time!

my ex did similar, trying to wake dd up at night to take her for night wees, which was totally his own idea, and totally confused her.

he made her feel guilty really.

In your situation, I wuold ignore it, tbh. Just do what YOU do in your daily life. If he brings it up, just calmly say, 'oh yeah, I read that, I don't think he's ready'

could it be coming from his mother?

yes iknwym !! It's great if you are workingtogether towards something, it needs to be discussed tho, it's annoying when they go ahead and do something which really has no implication on them, when you are the main carer.

I don't think the op is being unreasonable at all. The frustration I feel at being given orders from a man who's life is his own for 5-6 days of the week is insufferable.

I totally know where you're coming from op. I get this from xp as well, outrageous demands and giving orders on how I 'should' be doing things regarding DD. He has DD more than your ex does, but it still irks me no end, as I still do the lions share, yet constantly get told how it 'should be'. Like your exp, mines is prone to massively exaggerating the reality of things, so will also say things like 'all day', when she was there for a few hours. His favourite is 'all weekend', when in reality, she was there sat night- sun evening.

I have come to the very sad conclusion that he sweats the small stuff, because he has no control over the things that really matter. His choice though.

When dd was small, dh was almost completely hands off though we were together (and still are). Even though he rarely actually did anything himself, he was very definitely into pontificating on how I should be doing things and what I should be doing when etc.

Mostly, I ignored him.

applauds the pingu's last sentences!!

thanks for all your feedback, I just arguably feel quite cross at the man who took me to court for access then goes and plays football/ out to the pub / stays round his friends house til all hours, rather than spend that quality time which he fought for with ds. This is why I find it laughable for him to be giving me orders about what I should be doing and when - he simply hasnt a clue! its quite obviously his mother who is the main influence. I know I should ignore it, take the high road etc etc but it INFURIATES me x

yrnbu- i would feel the same. not a clue has he?

look you have to accept ds father will have different input from you and if you choose to communicate through books rather than face to face these things arise. sounds to me he is actually trying to help, but the way it is written comes across all wrong. you are still obv angry with him with other issues.
and yes, I know how it feels ...
on the other hand a lot of married mums I know are p'd off with their husbands for exactly similar

ninah - we didn't CHOOSE to communicate through a book, its a court order. And i really dont think I do have to accept different input from him, I'm the resident parent and main carer and however I see fit to raise our child is how its going to be. fair enough if he helped me at all with anything but he doesnt help me in any aspect, and shows no interest in helping me raise him.

Im sick of taking all his bull, and have been a pushover for far too long. NO MORE!!!