How to tell 3.7 yr DS daddy moving out....

[simpson]

Situation is a bit complicated but basically DH is moving out on tuesday and going back to Ireland (where he is from)

He has mental health issues and I think it would be best if he got his head together there with help from his sisters etc...as I have tried everything here

Anyway...how/what is best to say to DS?

He is very close to his dad and DH is very hands on when well.

TIA

[norksinmywaistband]

Sorry, your relationship has ended.
We just told the DC that Mummy and Daddy needed to have a bit more space, so daddy was going to live somewhere else.( they are 3&4)
They accepted it really well, but do se him 3x a week, not sure how they would handle long periods of not seeing him, but I think at this age DC are very adaptable and accepting of fact.
Could he speak to his Dad regularly over web cams, IME DC of this age are not to clever with phone conversations

[tohellandback]

Hi there sorry, to hear about this horrible situation of yours, i have various problems of my own to worry about but wanted to reply as i have a daughter who is nealy 2 and dad has left.
At nearly 4 your child is probably already aware of the situation to some extent, your DS does not need to know the ins and outs of it all but needs to know that he is loved by both you and DH. It would be reassuring for him to have you both there talking to him about DH leaving, he will be able to ask the questions that he needs anserwed there and then. He needs to know that he can contact dad whenever he wants to, that he will speak with his dad, on what ever days that have been decided. You need to make him feel emotionally safe and secure despite what the out come is. Think carefully about the language you use, instead of saying the word leaving,use visit etc, if you say anything negative quickly follow it up with a positive, eg daddys going to visit his sister for a while, we dont know how long for but guess what that does not matter, you can speak with him everyday and you can call him when ever you want too!'
You don't say whether your DH is going for good or if his absence is indefinite.
You say that your DH is very hands on so i am sure that he will want to remain in contact with DS as much as possible.
Hope this helps, keep posting ,thinking of you.

[simpson]

tohellandback - sorry to hear you have problems of your own and thanks for replying...

Good idea to keep things positive ie with words etc...unfortunately it will not be possible for me & DH to tell DS together as I don't think DH is up to it ATM

Also I want DS to talk to him whenever he wants but DH in a fairly bad way and may have to go into hosp in Ireland then it won't be possible for DS to speak to him...so don't want to promise that iyswim...

norks - thanks for replying You are right they are adaptable but do only have phone ATM

On the is it permanent thing that is the 64,000 dollar question ATM!!

[cestlavielife]

how much is he aware of dad not being well? has he seen any behaviours etc?

if yes then you can say "dad's not been well and is going to ireland to get better"

my dds older but youngest six very aware "dad was distressed (her word for depressed) so cant come to the house and we see him in contact centre" but they saw very agressive and violent behaviour and him crying etc around them...

so depends what he has seen of the mental health issues as to how much to explain.

this sounds a good line:

as per above

"daddys going to visit his sister for a while, we dont know how long for but guess what that does not matter, you can speak with him everyday and you can call him when ever you want too!'"

[simpson]

I don't know how much DS is aware of it TBH as he is usually ok around DS or when he is not ok takes to his bed iyswim...

DD (15mths) is the one who is picking up on stuff, won't go to DH etc...doesn't feel comfortable around him I guess...

On a more positive note DH had out reach appt today and I went with him.

The doctor looked at his meds and straight away said they were wrong and all the things we were describing were side effects saying he had been on that particular tablet too long.

He has been on it for 8/9mths and he should only have been allowed to stay on it for 6-8wks

So that is a bit more reassuring.