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Met a guy online,and now I really need some advice,soo confused!!!!!!!!!

7 replies

tetti · 22/04/2009 11:37

I met this guy online,not a dating site,but on a social networking site.
We mesaged eachother for weeks as friends,then we ended up txting eachother up to 30 times a day(!),before sepaking to eachother every eve.
We seemed to get on like a house on fire,and he was also absolutely gorgeous!
After 2 months of talking,we had spoken of everything,from our childhood,up to present time,and however strange it sounds,we both felt like we were falling for eachother.

Now,here comes the insane bit....
He's only in the UK twice a month(he works abroad for a UK company),and as he's hardly ever here,we decided to meet up and spend the weekend together!(in hindsight,crazy!!!I do know that)
But when you speak to someone as often as I spoke to him,you get lulled into this false sense of security,and it feels as though you actually know eachother!

He turned up,and brought the biggest bunch or roses I'd ever seen,and a bag full of presents.I have always gone for the sk bad boys before,and was really touched,what a guy!

However,we had built that wknd up soo much,wanting it to be perfect,but the day he came,so did did my period,and I felt really ill(had to take some strong medication to stop the flow even,too much info here,but was on a new pill that I didn't agree with,and it turned my body crazy!The side effects were just as bad,felt like I had food poisoning!)

Needless to say,you could tell that he wasn't too pleased,he had probably hope for a wknd of mad sex,and he'd made plans for us to go out to the theatre etc etc,but,I was sick as a dog!

Then were the little things,like he spent ages on his laptop,booking his summer holiday,checking out his profile on the site we met repeatedly etc etc.
He was pretty cuddly and all that,but the real spark wasn't there(when he kissed me I got annoyed,as he couldn't kiss,I dk what he was doing,but it was unlike anything I;d ever experienced!)

Then we ordered food in,and he was determined to refuse it as it was 5 mins late,and had a go at the poor delivery guy(I've got an oven,we could always heat it up if it's not piping hot!lol)

Anyway,when we did venture out on the last day,he did hold my hand,and was pretty affectionate.But the seeds of doubt were already there.

He had previously said that he hoped I was the woman who'd sweep him off his feet(no pressure there!),and that he felt more for me than he'd felt for anyone in a long time,that was before we'd even met!

He sent a few txt's since he went back home,but the tone of them has changed.Today he sent a pretty lovey dovey one though,and I just don't know what I want!!!

There is no such thing as the perfect
partner,and I am not sure whether I should give it more time,to see if it does develop into something,I do despite everything care for him alot as a person.He's got good values.good morals,a good job(unlike my previous men who were much younger than me,and expected me to fork out for everything!This man is on an equal salary to mine),and a bonus is that it would be a longdistance relationship(great for me as I work ft and have a very busy life,as well as my child to care for)
I do know that if I expect the perfect man to come along,then I may as well join a
blooming convent now!lol

But I am confused,am I wanting things to work too much?I know you cannot force yourself to feel something you don't,but I feel that in time,maybe I could fall for him.
With previous bf's there was always an instant,amazing chemistry,but those relationships always burn out fast too!

Sorry for rambling on soo much,but I am soo confused,and I need to tell him this eve how I feel(ouch!).
Any advice is appreciated!)))

OP posts:
notoverit · 22/04/2009 19:40

Sorry I do not really have any advice, but I have only had two ex boyfriends and had an instant spark with both of them, and started a relationship very quickly, and they turned out to be cheating loosers that I hate, and have had trouble getting over (still trying to get over one now).

IfI meet a guy that seems really 'nice' I do not seem to fancy them or have that spark but I am still trying to find out if it would be better to go with the guy you are not that into because he is nice and might not treat youlike shit. But knowing my luck they would probably treat me like shit anyway.

Sorry to sound so negative I just hate men and their lies....

ninah · 22/04/2009 20:02

take it slowly! that weekend sounds like far too much pressure, as if you both want a relationship without actually knowing the other person for real
get to know him over time

allgonebellyup · 23/04/2009 10:25

i think here the problem lies with the whole online dating thing, and i have been a victim of this!
It is so easy to build up an image of the other person in your mind, and build them up to be something they're not.

Luckily at the mo, i have been seeing a lovely guy i met online , and he was prone to calling and texting me all the time before we met, and making this huge thing about how well we suited each other.
i was more reluctant to meet, but when we did the chemistry was pretty much instant, but i think that was just luck!

i think all you can do is take it slowly!

wannaBe · 23/04/2009 10:34

I think the internet is a false reality. It gives you the opportunity to talk to people you ordinarily wouldn't, to build up a relationship with them based on the things you say to each other, and in time you get to know the persona on the other end of the screen.

And even if you talk on the phone it's still not real, there still isn't the physical presence of being together iyswim. You are attracted to a perception, not to the person.

It is very easy to become sucked in over the internet IMO.

Just continue to tell yourself that it isn't real. If the physical attraction isn't there, then the relationship is not real.

twigsblankets · 05/05/2009 20:57

When I read your post, these lines sent a shudder through me.

'Then we ordered food in,and he was determined to refuse it as it was 5 mins late,and had a go at the poor delivery guy(I've got an oven,we could always heat it up if it's not piping hot!lol)'

'He had previously said that he hoped I was the woman who'd sweep him off his feet(no pressure there!),and that he felt more for me than he'd felt for anyone in a long time,that was before we'd even met!'

You can usually tell alot about a guy by the way he treats waiters/delivery boys etc. It's not unusual for you to be the next person men like this treat that way.

As for hoping you are the woman who sweeps him off his feet, and his strong feelings before you've met, classic early signs of a possible abusive relationship. Run Run Run!!!

(Or maybe I have been reading Lundy Bancroft for too long )

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 08/05/2009 01:24

He sounds like a tit. He doesn't see you as a real person at all, just a fantasy 'woman' he can project on. I bet you anything that if you carry on seeing him he will be permanently 'disappointed' in you and critical.
And anyway if you don;t like the way he kisses you never will. Cut your losses and dump him.
Twigsblankets is right about the alarm bells BTW.

RumourOfAHurricane · 15/05/2009 15:30

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