just lost a male friend because he cant handle his feelings for me. this sucks. no point to this really, just wanted to get it out.

[raggedtrouseredphilanthropist]

I can see where he is coming from I suppose. but I am so gutted to lose him as a friend - we have such a laugh together, he is so on my level, and he is one of my very few remaining friends who is actually up for going out. Anyway, he really was a friend I valued for so many reasons. And he also introduced me to a whole new circle of people who he went out with, which I clearly now feel I should stay away from too...

I knew he had feelings for me, as he asked me out a couple of times and I turned him down. I just dont feel like that about him - in a strange way I wished I DID feel like that about him, cos we click so well, but I just dont. And I didnt want to give him false hope by saying I cant handle a relationship at the mo etc, as, although it is true (see how I freaked out about a date recently), he will clearly just think I will go out with him when my head is sorted.

Anyway, I thought he had got over it and dealt with it and moved on, as we still got along great, hung out and went out etc, but apparently he has found it really hard He says he feels really strongly for me and just cant help clinging onto any hope, so I can really see why he has said its best for him not to see me.

There is no point to this really, I am just gutted. Especially as I really feel I need friends (especially male ones after the shit my ex put me through) right now. I will really miss him

arse.

ahhhh what a shame for him must have it bad for you its awful when they dont feel the same back( ive had a bit of a crush lately not that ive told him id be mortifed if he knew) but their isnt alot you can do. maybe if you have some time apart he may get over you or maybe you will miss him and realise you have feelings for him i dont really know what else to say but i hope you make up sounds like you really care for him as a friend

thanks for that. I never thought he felt that strongly. I am that anyone could feel like that over me at all, so just assumed he was over it.
I still feel sad about it. But I dont wanna get involved with him in any other way that a friend, but I already miss the banter
guess I just have to leave him be really.

yeh think hes got it bad think seeing you will probly make it worse and he will be hanging on everthing you say trying to work out if youve changed your mind could be embrassing for both of you

In time, with any luck, he will find himself a girlfriend (or someone else to have a crush on) and will be your friend again - unless of course he hooks up with some bunny-boiling monogamist who won't let him speak to anyone female between the ages of 8 and 80.
However, I don't see why you should have to lose your other friends, too. You haven't done anything wrong. It's not a crime not to want a relationship with someone. While you probably shouldn't go everywhere he's going to go (ie do give the bloke a chance to get over you) yo uare entitled to a social life too.

thanks solid and pinklace.
it has really annoyed me, and I still miss him (purely as a mate). But hey ho. pick myself up and dust myself off again. I am sure he will miss me in time too, and want to be friends again.
In any case, one of his friends invited me to their wedding, and damned if I'm gonna miss that , so he better get over me before July...

RTP: The fact that he considers himself in love with you is his problem and not yours. Love is a choice, not an outside force, and if one person feels love, that doesn't oblige the recipient of those feelings to drop his/her underwear and lie back willingly if/she doesn;t want to.
It's actually a wretched and infuriating position to be in, to have someone 'in love with' you when you are not remotely interested in him/her in a couplehood way, because it can feel like whatever you do is wrong: if you are distant then you are being 'heartless', if you are friendly or even remotely polite you are 'leading him/her on'.
Really all you can do is be nice but slightly distant and go about your own business. He's an adult and it;s up to him to get over the fact that you are never going to suck his cock or marry him.

sorry to hear this ragged
I lost a male friend I'd had for nearly 20 years when I split up with ex, such a pity - just when you need them most

this has happened to me, it dragged on and off for years and i found it very hard because it obviously affected our friendship in the end and we are currently not in touch

i wish he had never told me how he felt tbh

the last few times he has been in touch was when he had a few drinks and decided he wanted to see me late at night, saying he wanted to be with me

i refused and havent heard from him since

it's a shame , i do miss him, but it was getting harder and harder to have any kind of relationship at all

i do still consider him a friend though, just a confused one who is better off not being in contact with me for the time being

this happened to me once with somone I had a relationship with at 15-we went out for 3 years and then remained friends for 10 years. He moved away and wrote to me just before he got married to say that he couldn't be friends with me anymore as he still had feelings for me.

The good news is that he got in touch with me about 8 years later-having had a child and resumed our friendship. He is happily married, and it is nice that we are in touch again!

so there is hope at some point, when he sorts his life out and finds somebody else to love.

It is hard though-you have done absolutely the right thing to be honest with him.