I have done completely the wrong thing, help...

[notoverit]

Ok exp was violent and I went to the police, he was found guilty. So he had bail conditions where he was not allowed to contact me. We did not have contact for months and I as trying to move on with my life.

Then I saw on facebook he was friends with a girl that he had cheated on me with while we were together. When I was drunk I decide to go to his house and find out if she was there or if they were together, as he had denied this relationship all the time, and I was still not over this problem and still wanted to know the truth as it had caused me alot of upset. I know it was the wrong thing to do.

Then we started talking a bit, and I let him see dd, as he had not seen her for months and was sorting it out with the solicitors and contact centres and it was taking ages. And I did not want dd to feel uncomfortable when she did finally get to see him.

He was meant to see dd yesterday but I called to say she was unwell and cannot see him. But his phone has been off from friday and is still off now. I have been wondering where he is as I really do not think he would just not turn up, as he really wanted to see her.

Also he was meant to be sentenced but missed the court date, so I am wondering if he could have been arrested because he missed court? Now I am worried that I could get in trouble for contacting him after all this has happened?

Please dont have a go at me, I know I did the wrong thing, but really need some advice. It is a really difficult situation.

aww listen we all do stupid things

I don't really have any advice which is crap but I just hated seeing this lonely and unanswered.

Could you speak to your solictor and see what's what?

The only thing I will say is try and stay "stable"
choose where and when he sees DD and do your utmost to stick with that - sure plans change things go awry or prior engaements call but overall for instance friday afternoon x-x is his time - find something to do art class pottery sleeping! girls night whatever to do in this time.

maybe get some counselling keep your head in sync.
Life is a weird thing sometimes - but you have to live it so make the best of it!

Thansk for your reply, and for not telling me how terrible I am.

I cant tell my solicitor I have been in contact with him as I feel worried that I will get in trouble, and everyone will feel I have been wasting court time etc, and then to speak to him again, it would make all I have been through a waste of time.

I was only going to let him see dd once and after that it would be contact centres or what ever the court decides.

I think I will go to the doctors and ask for counselling as I really need to get over him.

I have been informed that he has been arrested, so that would be for not attending court to get sentenced. The lady that speaks to me to support me because of the domestic violence called to update me. She was unsure of why he would of been arrested and asked if he had been in contact with me? I said no so she said maybe he didn't attend court then.

Now I am worrying that they will find out we have been in contact and I will get in trouble? does anyone know if i will?

if he has breach his bail conditions or failed to attend court a warrant will have been issued for his arrest.

the breach in his conditions MAY be because of the contact with yourself but I reckon from what you've said (that he failed to turn up for sentencing) it is more than likely that that is the reason the warrant was issued for his arrest. a breach in bail conditions can take a week or so (or even two or three) to filter down from probation to the court to eventually a warrant being issued. he probably knew he should have turned up, tried to avoid it but then got nicked anyway.

try not to worry too much (which I know is easier said than done)

I would be careful of arranging contact with your dd before the contact centre arrangement. If you are happy for him to see her outside the contact centre before it is arrangemed he could argue that there is no need for the contact centre at all and teh judge might well agree given you have also 'agreed' by consenting to contact already. So he could well get unsupervised contact on that basis.

We all make mistakes. Fix this one before it goes any further.