advice needed please

[Phoenix4725]

Ok first time I postedon lone parents but need some advice please

Im a singkle parent to 4 dc.My xh sees them once a week or so but does not normally take them out the house as youngest ds has sn and in his words cant cope with , s have let him come to my housewas never his home see the dc and i tend to go upstairs and keep out way .

But today I encourage im to take dc out to the park not a problem as oldest ds ~(15) was there with and is great with his little brother he went out at 11,30 and said be about a hr said np anyway 1,00 not back so called check all ok he said all ok and there on park and having fun so is it ok if stayed longer so I said yes np figuring he would get dc a snack while out a stheres cafe where can get ie chips for a quid sortofthing

fast forward he brings thm home at 3,30 and first thing dd says is mum im hungry he had not got them anything to eat youngest ds was crying as was hungry,Eldest ds had said to dad about dinner but xh said ont be out long.

so cue have fed kids but told xh that was cross that he not thought to get them snack and cue him saying fine im going and stormed out .Just dont know how to handle next visit

By biting your lip and trying to do the following....

Your ex prolly had a real sense of achievement at having had the kids out on his own for as long as he did. OK so he was beyond stupid for not feeding them but if he is not great with them then giving the benefit of the doubt he has done it without realsing...when he gets home he gets shot down for not feeding the kids and, in his head, all his achievement has gone and his growing confidence with the kids has been sapped.

When you next speak you could try...'Look you did a good job having them out on your own I am sorry I went off at you but the thought of the kids being so hungry made me react like I did. Perhaps next time we pre agree a time and I will pack you some snacks?'

I might have misread the situation totally, feel free to ignore my hormonal rant, but just putting another perspective on it for you.

reason he wont take them out though is he cant deal cope with ds sn he prefers to hide him away at home doesnot like the staring refuses to learn sign lauungage etc,my eldest ds had been telling his dad that youngest one was asking for food.

DAds reply was oh i only got £20 till Monday cant afford buy any .He pays 5 quid a week matiance and lives with his mum a portion of chips i9s a quid

£20 unril Monday is plenty to feed your kids when they are hungry.
He doesn't sound very responsible, or much of a support to you, but all I am trying to say is by biting your tongue and being as diplomatic as you can (hard and easier to say than do) you can encourage him to take more responsibility and give you a bit of a break if you can.

thank did phone eh calmly this morning not that i yelled yesterday just told him was cross .problem sorted he will not be seeing the children again till gets over it ,found out the main reason was not money was that he felt could not take youngest ds in the cafe ,as he finds it hard becuase ds cant use knife and fork properly and way he eats and acts and his sn become obvious so in short hes ashamed of his son

which will go long way to explaing why he never wanted take youngest ds out or bother to learn about any of his sons sn