Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Advice nneded please- am hurting

9 replies

kissyfurschaos · 17/04/2009 17:01

Hi
I was wondering if anyone can share any words of wisdom please.
My ds is 20 months old. Ex buggared off to another town when I was 6.5 months pregnant (initially because he'd lost his driving license and moved in with his boss) he then sent text messages informing me he had an 'amazing new girlfriend', next he changed his mobile number.
A week after ds was born I text his parents to inform them, they thanked me for letting them know -claiming to have lost my number. Exes brother has seen ds a lot and exes parents sporadically. Lately they have been having DS on saturdays- although I dont really want them having him every saturday as I miss him.
Ex met DS once when he was 4 months old- despite me saying to his brother several times that he could meet him-apparently new girlfriend wouldn't allow -hmmm. When ex met him he was dragged along by parents and commented that I was fat and DS clothes were 'gay' (idiot)
Naturally I was livid.
I filed a claim with CSA shortly after DS birth and because ex was working for his mate as a self employed bricklayer earning lots but only a small percentage through books. I never received a penny as ex moved etc a few times and CSA were powerless.
Out of blue EX rang me yesterday. Asking after DS and saying he will start paying maintanence and asking to see DS. I said I didnt really wanting to given his behaviour. He then dropped a bombshell- him and the amazing girlfriend have an 9 month old DS. I was really hurt, asked him if he was at the birth and on certificate-yes to both. My DS got neither of these. He said that they have split up at the moment and are always roeing and getting back together. He sees the child a lot and gives the Girlfriend/ex girlfriend money for the DS. I am livid for my wonderful DS and I.
Thinking it through it makes sense exes parents ignored me and ds for 3 months last year which would have been when the baby was born. They even missed my son's birthday-not so much as a card or Happy Birthday txt :'-(

I just don't know what to do. I feel so hurt. A part of me feels sorry for their DS -She is a very selfish, nasty person from what I have been told about her. She used to tell ex not to visit his parents as she thought they were trying to reunite me and ex and our DS, she used to drink ridiculous amounts and sponge money off ex. Perfect when he had his old job but not so now there is no bricklaying work.
CSA have now discovered ex has a regular job and now he has driving license back has been threatened pay up or you WILL lose it or be imprisoned. Just after he received letter he rang me getting number from his mum's mobile.

Sorry for the essay amd feeling hurt and don't know where to turn. Should I say something to exes parents tomo? I am at a loss. Am I doing the right thing from saying ex can't see DS.

OP posts:
ab79 · 17/04/2009 17:33

If he is not on the birth certificate and he has not signed a parental agreement form then he has no rights and it is entirely up to you what access, if any he has.

At the end of the day you and your son deserve better but then it's easy for me to say.

You are doing the most amazing job in the world and your DS will love you forever whatever happens.

kissyfurschaos · 17/04/2009 20:13

Thank you AB79 I just wish I could shift the feeling of utter shitness. I hope DS doesnt grow up to resent me if I withdraw access. I don't feel like I ever want him to know about their DS. I can't even bring myself to call him my DS brother. Scared that DS will be hurt and feel rejected when he finds out.

OP posts:
ab79 · 17/04/2009 20:32

I wish I could make the shitness go away lovely. You have to do whats best for your DS and only you know that.

Your Ex has not proved himself so far. If he hasn't seen much of Ex then it's not really going to affect DS.

Kids are amazlingly resilient and with your love will be able to handle the situation.

You don't need to worry about his other family either Ex has to deal with that fall out.

Get advice from CAB and just surround yourself with friends and family. Just take one step at a time lovely. x

kissyfurschaos · 17/04/2009 22:14

Thanks will look into CAB next week as know they are only open some days.
Thanks so much for listening to me waffle.
I am so angry and hurt. I moved to a nice house mid Feb after having an abusive neighbour in a flat I detested. I was finall starting to feel more optimistic and now feel deflated.
I wish to God he wasn't DS father but he is and unfortunately I have to live with it as does poor DS.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 17/04/2009 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hayley79 · 17/04/2009 23:05

i know how you feel i was pregant with my son and my bf wanted to go back to his ex so told me to have the baby aborted i told him to fuck off, had the baby many years ago and he stil doesnt want to know contacted my sons uncle and he never replied my son doesnt know his grandparents and they i suppose do not even know hes born and it hurts that the people whoshould love him reject him. u have all the rights id i would do what you think is right for your baby woul he come into your childs life then walk out again? he has to earn your trust. im with you its a hard choice to make

kissyfurschaos · 17/04/2009 23:49

Thank you ladies. Oh men can be such @***s
Do some of them even have a clue of the pain and heartache they cause.
Definately agree about the trust thing. At the moment I have zero trust and perhaps if regular maitenance is paid for a while (albeit under duress) it may and that is a may make me reconsider supervised contact.
Certainly not thw vision of a father I had for my future child(ren) when I was a child. I guess I am lucky to have DS though, my mmiracle.

OP posts:
hayley79 · 18/04/2009 00:07

im lucky too he is the most wonderful gourgeous loving little boy they dont know what they have missed out on assholes!

kissyfurschaos · 18/04/2009 00:12

They have no clue. I hope they grow old and lonely.
I bet your DS is a right sweetie and ill grow up to be one of the decent guys.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page