If you have your children less than 50% of the time

[nappyaddict]

Do you still consider yourself a single parent or not? My friend seems to think if you say you are a single parent it means your children live with you the majority or at least half of the time.

Legally, although I'm sure I'll be corrected, I think she is correct, my sister has just been through a messy devorce, her job meant that she needed to be out of the house very early in the morning so rather than getting the dc's (12) and (13)out in the small hours and shifting them around it made sense for them to stay overnight with their father, they went after dinner, took packed lunches for school with them, bought and prepared by their mother with all their clothes washed, Ironed and ready for school, they even took their breakfast ready, they simply put their heads down at his and then he watched them across the lane for school in the morning. She collected them from school, did dinner, homework, packed lunches etc and so the circle started again. She always had them during the weekends, holidays and paid for all of their food. When it arrived in court and the issue of maintainence and settlement arose sadly she lost out because apparently the father was the "main" carer as they spent more nights per week in his care than hers.

She would almost certainly call herself a single parent though.

If you're a parent and you're single....well how can anyone argue that you're not a single parent? Of course there are those who don't see their children at all and I guess that's when the title's a bit tenuous.

If someone wants to claim benefits as a lone parent then I think they have to be in receipt of the child benefit for their child, but it doesn't mean you're not a single parent just because you don't have the lion's share of the contact.

Amen. I consider myself a single parent even though my son is permitted to see me for very little time.

When he is with me, I am his sole carer.

The rest of the time, I get called an absent father' (which is strange considering I stayed where I was and my ex took him away, have enjoyed' 7 court appearances over 2 years and moved 100 of miles to be close to him when he was taken even further from home).

I really do feel for you lostdad, it's tragic that so many ex-partners aren't interested in contact and yet those that are often have big battles on their hands. There will come a day when your son has more of a say in this......

Chrissie

lostdad my friend said she felt where parents were not allowed equal contact then she would still consider them a single parent but she said where parents were not interested in equal contact she didn't think they had the right to call themselves single parents. TBH I'm not sure where I stand on this myself. I can sort of see her point. I wouldn't want my DS' dad going around saying he was a single parent - not that he would as he denies all possibility of him even being a parent!! On the otherhand if you are a parent and you are single then the fact of the matter is you are a single parent.

I agree with the others that if you are a parent and are single then you are a single parent regardless of the amount of time the children spend with you. I have to say though that my soon to be ex-dh has no right whatsoever to call himself that as he ran off and had an affair when I was 7 months pg then decided that he would rather keep his girlfriend than me and DS. That's his choice and I filed for divorce in January. He doesn't see ds at all and at present pays nothing either so I see him as an 'absent parent' in every way. I have full PR of DS which he signed and had no objection too which is different to lostdad who has made monumental efforts with his son.

AL - see i wouldn't call your ex a single parent as he does absolutely no parenting whatsoever. he's more of a sperm doner imo that's what ds' dad gets known as anyway.