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Lone parents

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Original poster

why

18 replies

isheisnthe · 15/04/2009 15:16

just that really

Why is he not interested in his sons

why does he do his best to get rid early everytime he has them

why did he tell me he couldnt take any time off this school holiday

why did he then tell me he couldnt help out with the expensive kids club that I would need to send them to?

why did ds2 break a bone yesterday - and when I went to call daddy (ds2 is 4 - and wanted him) did I discover he is actually abroad on holiday with new GF (who is a school teacher)

OP posts:
pickupthismess · 15/04/2009 16:15

How v sad for you. I just can't understand men like this and your poor DS - children don't understand.

Have you got no one who can kind of mediate for you and encourage some interest on his part? Anyway, quite clearly he is a crap father but luckily your sons have you

Katrina7 · 15/04/2009 17:01

I hope that your son is feeling better.

I cant understand these 'men' either.

But also i cant understand the women who go with them. I mean if his girlfriend knows that he s got sons and doesnt see them much or doesnt care and he is on hols when his son has broken bone, then how the hell she can be with this man and how she can trust him? And did she ever hear of 'history repeats itself..'?

I dont want to sound bitter but it really surprises me that these men can still find partner after what they have done to their families.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 15/04/2009 18:38

OH - history already repeated itself - with me - although in fariness he did really make an effort with his older children -and still does - just mine he treats like shit.

my thoughts were it was lucky it was JUST a broken bone - wtf would I have done if it was something more serious that he did have to have input in - he does have PR for him.

Wanker - simple as that really

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CarGirl · 15/04/2009 18:41

I've been meaning to tell you something isheisnthe!!!!

You can ask the CSA to go to departure to assess his income, you get a big long form on which you can write down his outgoings and say how you think they are funding their curent lifestyle

Think I would do it just to wind him up tbh.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 15/04/2009 19:37

god - i wouldnt even know where to start cg, he has also recently bought a private plate - nobber - but gives them nothing - and he forgot ds2's birthday for the second time - cockrocker that he is.

DO the CSA send him the form to fill out re earnings and expenses?

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ChrissieL · 15/04/2009 20:12

Well let's hope he felt suitably guilty when his little one wanted him and he was nowhere to be seen - I bet he didn't expect to be rumbled like that.

I have exactly the same with my ex, he spent the money from our house on holidays with his GF, whilst telling me he couldn't have time off for the kids. He didn't expect the kids to tell me about the photos of daddy in Tuscany.....

Don't try and understand, unfortunately we simply cannot change them. We can however change OUR attitude to them, and I now expect little (even though I have to admit my ex is a loving dad, even though under gf's thumb). When the children are older they'll realise who's made the sacrifices for them - and who's simply disappeared off in a cloud of excuses.

Chrissie x

Original poster
isheisnthe · 15/04/2009 20:33

to be honest i am sick of enabling his relationship with them - and will do so no more - he can fuck right off - im not going to stop him seeing them - nor am I going to push it anymore

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macdoodle · 15/04/2009 20:52

yes you are right I have stopped enabling my XH to be a good parent - surprisingly he seems to have improved...................marginally!

skramble · 15/04/2009 20:59

Oh is OP me!! LOL My exH has never taken time off during school holidays before he left me and shacked up with a teacher, now he manages to take time of in school holidays funny that . He said he would have kids for a week of the easter holidays, then it was 4 nights then three nights as he had to work, a well at least I gave them a good time and we had a lovely day out on Sunday that they will remember for ever I think. I have decided the best way to deal with my dismay at his lack of interest is to have a wonderful time with them myself and concentrate on enjoying myself, my life and my children, I know what I have done for them .

Big woosaaaa to all the parents out there going it alone.

CarGirl · 15/04/2009 22:16

I got sent the form to fill in, so you fill in how much his mortgage, council tax, holidays, food budget, heat & light etc etc etc all a bit of a guess and then there is another section about how you think they are funding it in which you can put that you know his employer is acting fraudulantly

tessofthedurbervilles · 15/04/2009 22:17

He is a prick, he is missing out, he will regret his actions. pure and simple.

Katrina7 · 15/04/2009 22:43

Can i tell you all a story? It will cheer you up.

Few months ago one of my best friends got married. Her biological father left them when she was a baby and he run off with girlfriend. holidays abroad etc. Her mum was single for few years then she married a wonderful man.He sadly died few years ago.

Anyway my friend invited her biological dad to the wedding but it didnt mean anything to her, she didnt care if he would come or not. In her speach she said 'i d like to thank my wonderful mum who brought me up so well on her own and she is so inspiring strong woman. Also i d like to thank my step dad who s not with us any more and he has been a real dad to me. As for my bio dad, sorry but have nothing to say. I own my good studies and career, and everything i am to my brilliand mum and stepdad. '.

You should see her bio dad's face!!!!

So all these men might seem to have a good time now but they ll be very sad old men

p.s. Sorry i hope you can make sense. my english is a bit crap

macdoodle · 16/04/2009 08:26

TBH Katrina that doesnt make me happy it makes me unbearably sad
I would rather my DD's were not damaged by my XH but had a decent normal relationship with him

Original poster
isheisnthe · 16/04/2009 09:51

i just think its pathetic that a grown man tries to lie - it was my SD that told me he was on hols on MSN - she said "he only told us the day before, to be honest I dont really bother with him anymore but can understand that you might be mad as ds1 and 2 are much younger than us"

he text last night - is it broken, is it in a sling and when will it be fixed - this smacks to me that he won't be having them this weekend and it will be the excuse he wanted not to bother - as he wont handle either of them if they are ill in any way - again - wanker

I know he will end up a lonely old man - but to be honest that doesnt make me feel any better - I just want him to want them - I hope his crappy parent routine doesn't affect the men they become

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CarGirl · 16/04/2009 09:56

I don't think I would bother anymore tbh save yourself (and them) the stress still think you should ask for a reassessment via the CSA and automatically appeal it and go to departure I have the feeling money is the only way to get at him. It makes me made that he and his employer are acting illegally so that both you and the state are losing out financially.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 16/04/2009 10:17

cg - I am not bothering anymore - no more enabling from me!

I am going to get him reassessed in may/june time - time enough for the April increase to show - and then next year when sd leaves school, and the year after when the other one does - in fact every year - money is his god so its the only way to piss him off - although he once said to me "no boys, no money" when I told him I wasn't going to facilitate the visits anymore - in other words - if i dont see them - i dont pay for them - prick

OP posts:
CarGirl · 16/04/2009 18:46

If he gets a salary they will just do a deduction on it. I would ask to get your payments made via the CSA explain to them that he has threatened to stop paying.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 16/04/2009 19:40

i have been told if I embaress his at work by a CSA deduction he will look to go abroad with work and I will get NADA - cock

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