Contact Centres - your experiences, your opinions, your ideas

[abetteridea]

Please share all you know and would wish was different. I am working on an idea for a service in this area and want opinions good and bad and ideas for making things better from children,mums, dads, anyone else who uses them or works with or for a contact centre or service.

Not used one yet, but will be doing if we can set it up.
Problems so far are opening times. Only Saturdays here! And they close early afternoon. So that's first stumbling block.

Opening times are a problem but most of them are run by volunteers who work so I can understand why it happens, if there was a way round that it would make things an awful lot easier for a lot of people!

The positives I have found that you may like too,

Arranging times so that the child is dropped off before the NRP arrives and collected after the NRP leaves.

Providing a small relaxing room (with books and magazines) where the RP can stay for the duration if they want to be onsite but do no want to be with the NRP.

Ensuring the RP can use the bathroom/coffee machine etc without having to run into the NRP and vice versa (IME this is done by sending a message to the person in charge who just makes sure the other person stays put for a few minutes).

Have a named person who is "in charge" of each case, they can act as co-ordinator and the person who is contacted in case of problems. If possible they should be the person who is most often present when the contact sessions take place.

Have a session (or two) with the co-ordinator and the RP with the dc so that both the parent and the dc feel confident before the NRP is bought into the mix.

Occasionally, staff numbers allowing, a member of staff would accompany the dc and NRP out to a shop/park or whatever was close enough to give a change of atmosphere.

Having an outside play area with a picnic table for sunny snacks/lunches.

That is all I can think of right now!

Maybe the government should make funds available to run and staff proper centres which are open regularly. Instead of just relying on volunteers?

There is a need for contact centres, but there are a large number of children forced to see much-loved and good parents by a controlling ex.

The ones my son was forced to see me in had nothing wrong with them per se, but it was completely inappropriate for it to happen at all. My son had to endure months of being in an enviroment he clearly hated and I had to endure being watched to ensure I didn't harm my own flesh and blood.

If only appropriate cases were referred to contact centres, there would be more than enough to in this country. At the end of the day, the staff are volunteers, giving their services freely - and these services are often abused by controlling RPs who insist on a contact centre as venue solely because they have no option.

As it is, children are deprived of perfectly good parents because the system is so clogged up.

Lostdad, I understand your concerns and experiences but how is that helpful for the Op? She wants ideas on setting up a good centre (or something like that) she is not looking into the system by which children are bought into the contact centres in the first place!

Lost dad.........I really don't care what you think. My ex will use one or he won't ever see his kids again. End of. (knife incident with his step kids)

I also think there needs to be a system whereby the nrp can in no way simply walk out of the centre with the DC. I enquirer at my centre and was told they have a button to press linked to the police station... No good. Once they've gone they've gone. Too late then!

Better facilities for older kids/teens. Maybe separate areas for them.

My ex is never seeing my kids outside of a contact centre again (not because I am a controlling ex, but because his behaviour is totally inappropriate). However, he refuses to see them in a contact centre because of the reputation they have as described by Lostdad.

If he were to grow up and see them in a contact centre then I would want to know I would not have to see him at all. I would like to hope there would be an outside area, and just lots of 'doing things together' type activities such as craft stuff and board games. I don't know if this is what they are like...yet!

I think it really helps if there is space indoors to move around freely and also an outdoors space.

I was a volunteer at one which briefly had a playstation that worked. The organiser was really sniffy about it, which I think was a mistake as the older children really loved it and there are plenty of two player games so they could play with their (usually) dad. I'm not saying they do that for the whole session obviously, but it was quite sad seeing some of the dads who clearly didn't have much of an idea how to play with the children.

My ex won't have much of a clue about how to play either. Considering the centres are used by alot of parents trying to get to know their DC again or for first time, then I think some organized games/activities would be good. Little team games with parent and DC together maybe. Just a thought. Down to resources I guess.

that's a good idea, or at least some craft/paint stuff that actually works. I spent an hour once just chucking out felt tip pens with no lids that had dried up, there was no paper anyway etc, etc...

something like a few paints, glitter, glue wouldn't be particularly expensive and would have helped make some of the sessions I watched less painful for all concerned.

So far I am getting:
secure
a chance to get to know staff
children able to visit before hand
well organised
well resourced
indoor space
outdoor space
area for parents/carers away from play areas

Can anyone make any comments about referals, not what but who promted them to use a contact service, how they set up visiting via a contact centre, the organisations that run them.

Our referal came through court/caffcass. The court sent a letter to the centre who then wrote to the Caffcass gaurdian involved, who then wrote to us(via solicitors who forwarded to us). We then contacted the centre, visited etc, they wrote back to the Cffcass gaurdian... It was very long winded and could have been much more streamlined IMO. However, I suppose there are cases where this is required but in our case rp and nrp were working together, despite the appearance of the case!

Lostdad's right and my dh's experience was the same. There was absolutely no need for him to be seeing dsd at a contact centre ... but of course the Courts had no way of knowing whether his ex was trying to paint him in a bad light or not. The only way was to actually have someone observing him with dsd. He only had to go twice and his solicitor said he'd never seen such a glowing report from a CAFCASS officer.

But it's also correct that that isn't what the thread's about or helpful to abetteridea.

I think from dh's experience, the centre he had to go to was only open once a month and on a Sunday. That combined with his complicated shift pattern (when he was at sea and unable to take leave) meant that it was very difficult to arrange a time for the contacts. So one that was open more frequently and in the week as well would have been helpful.

surfermum makes the point - if there is any doubt over the nrp's issues, then seeing the child(ren) in a contact centre should help resolve that.

if the nrp has nothing to hide, then surely it should be simple to prove over a course of sessions to contact centre staff that everything is all fine? is step to go thru - some parents do harm their children. that is a fact.

lostdad may have been falsely accused - but courts are not to know that are they? whatever the background, there must have been some doubt raised. of course, his ex may ahve made it all up.

but their job is to protect children - better safe than sorry. in such a case, i would have thoguht nrp would be very willing to go along with contact centre to prove their point.

so - the parent has to go thru the process to prove their innocence or not.... that is how it is in life.

from my point of view, if he doesnt get that, then tough. he has had severe metnal health issues, has been agressive and violent. exerts emotional pressure on the dcs.

he has to prove he is ok with the kids.

the only way to do that is thru contact centre.
if they give glowing reports then i will take their word for it and we move onto next stage....then if it does go wrong i will at least have someone else to blame...

anyway agree that inside/outside space good, convenient opening times, local, etc. trained staff not just volunteers....

Trained contact centre staff. Yes, sounds good. But trAined in what? How?surely they would need to be social workers? And that costs money.

The supervised contact centre I used had rooms all done up in different themes and had decor and toys to match.

The supervisor however was always the same one, I would have preferred if the supervisors were rotated around.

Supervisor reckoned she could speak the language my children spoke, however it transpired she did not, which really made me angry as ex was demanding the children not speak in english (although my children speak that better than their 'mother tongue') so he could say things the supervisor did not understand!

The contact centre did no background check, did not find out if I had any court orders in place, did no initial interview, which was very scary as the reason my chidlren and I were at the contact centre in the first place was due to ex's extreme violence.

I was allowed to wait in the reception area with a friend or family member whilst contact took place which helped, as I wasn't about to leave my children to the whims of ex.

Lostdad, I am really sorry that you are going through or went through a lot of trouble to see your child. I can understand compeltely how heartbreakig it musth ave been for you. However for my children and for women like me contact centres are our last attempt to keep our chldren safe. Ex is a monster, and he would not hesitate to hurt my children, of that I have no doubts whatsoever, he even behaved badly at the contact centre but in such a way as the supervisor was unable to recognise it or just turned a blind eye, this is compounded by the fact my children are terrified of their father and too young to speak up to the supervisor about this who spent most of the time happily chatting away to ex according to my children!

`if the nrp has nothing to hide, then surely it should be simple to prove over a course of sessions to contact centre staff that everything is all fine?'

Not true. Contact centres do not report back to court. I know - I asked the staff my son was forced to see me in to say how things went and they told me they had to refuse because they remain neutral.

Like I said before, contact centres have a place in the scheme of things and are appropriate in some cases, but they are also used to demean a good parent who has been smeared by a controlling RP.

I'm not the only one to find the inappropriate use of contact centres repulsive and an excuse to use children as a weapon by abusive RPs.

And I'm not the only one who finds the whole `guilty until proven innocent' way family court works repulsive either.

Would anyone here be happy to have to disprove lies - rather than their accuser having to prove they are true?

`Habeus corpus' can go whistle when it comes to the whole thing.

it depends on the court order i guess - and on the contact centre.

i guess RPs can be just as abusive as NRPs... and both potentially can use the children. which is where a properly trained contact centre/CAFCASS officer comes in... to represent the children's views and needs.

when a one off contact took place at CAFACASS offices before xmas there was no feedback or report done.

and i would say needs to be workers trained in domestic violence, mental health issues, child psychology, etc.

different levels of contact are available at my local contact centre. supervised - court gets a report. in our case, CAFCASS officer also being asked to observe some sessions at the contact centre.

Observed contact - Referrers info
This is a process to be used when parents are locked in a dispute over issues surrounding contact, e.g. a parent has concerns about the parenting ability of another. It can also be used when children are in foster care and have contact with their natural parents, but that such contact needs supervising on a one to one basis.

The contact sessions will be co-ordinated and managed by trained workers within the Accord who will work as part of a team. Normally this will only take place during the hours of 10.00 am and 6 pm Tuesdays to Fridays.

once Observed Contact has been agreed, contact will take place in a specially prepared room where age appropriate toys and play materials are available. Each session will last a maximum of 2 hours and they will be supervised and recorded throughout. The subsequent report of the contact (Contact Record Sheet) will be given to each parent and sent to the referrer.

supervised -
Assessment / Supervised Contact - Referrers info

This is a process to be used when both parties are locked in dispute over the issue of contact and where there is prolonged conflict due to concerns about substance abuse, domestic violence, mental health issues, abduction and possible child abuse/neglect etc. Additionally it can be used when a child has not seen their natural parent for a considerable length of time, or are confused as to whether they want to have contact.

The Assessment will be co-ordinated and managed by trained workers within the Accord, who will work as part of a team. Normally this will only be during the hours of 10.00 am to 6.00 pm Tuesdays to Fridays.

In order for any referral to be processed:

It will need to be Court ordered.

When the initial meetings have taken place, the team will contact the referring solicitor to indicate the proposed date for filing the Court Report in order that an appropriate date can then be arranged for a further hearing.

Once the Assessment process has commenced, we would undertake only minimal communication with referrers, as we wish to ensure issues arising from the assessment are resolved within the Centre.

Family Support Project -

The Family Support Project facilitates contact between a child/ren and any member of their family from whom they are estranged. This project specialises in facilitating only those families where there is a basic agreement that contact should take place and it is supervised in the initial stages to allow confidence, stability and trust to build up between the parties. At the referral stage both parents will agree that they will be part of the process and will work towards progressing the contact to self management. To assist in this process, each family will be allocated a specific worker alongside the Case Development Manager who will be constantly assessing, assisting and guiding this process.

The programme limits itself to a maximum of 12 sessions, ideally over a period of six months with contact taking place on a fortnightly basis, either on a Saturday morning between 10.30 am ? 12.30 pm or Saturday afternoon between 2 pm and 4 pm.

The philosophy and aim of this project is to assist and support families to minimise or even resolve difficulties around contact and gradually help these families to move on to self management if possible. Consequently, this programme will not be used for families who are entrenched in acrimony.

ps - the centre offers:

What issues may be involved

Issues involved:

Child Protection
Mental Health
Domestic Violence
Drug and Alcohol Addiction
Sibling Contact
Fostering & Adoption
Risk of Abduction
Severe conflict over contact arrangements
Re-establishment of contact with long absent parent
Sporadic contact over a period of time

We can offer:

Information and advice
Adult counselling
Mediation/Conflict Resolution
Parenting skills training
Parent/Child Interaction and Play Techniques

i think lostdad that this centre would have perhaps helped you (adn your ex...) a little more than the one you were assigned to....

so it is not contact centres that are "wrong" per se....but maybe your particualr experience...

That's not available here I don't think!! Where is that centre?