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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

How does your LO feel about other parent not being around?

1 reply

justthinkingiamnotbeingsilly · 06/04/2009 16:21

My DD (nearly)3 always notices ex-h isn't around. She'll say "Daddy not here" or she'll be overjoyed when he comes to get her.

She says "mummy sad" "mummy worry" when she sees i am upset.

She talks about her daddy alot. It upsets me because I feel bad for her. I used to sit and all the time say "dont worry mummy and daddy love you, you'll see daddy soon" but I find myself getting so frustrated at the situ that I have started saying, "it's alright, don't worry about that" and trying to engage her in playing or distraction. I don't want her to be too upset by it all.

I hope I am handling it ok. I do explain if I am sad but tell her it is alright and that we all get like that sometimes. However she really does pick up on things even at under 3.

I am more worried because ex-h is away for 8 weeks in the Summer and she is going to find it even harder. And I'm left to deal with it

It makes me so cross with ex-h. Then he has to moan and winge about how awful it is not seeing her, when it was his choice to leave

It's just ironic because his mum did the same thing to him, and he's grown up with a head full of ishoos. And now he's repeating it! (Although I am not negative about him to her or around her). Surely when she grows up though she will start to realise somethings up? What if she doesn't want to see him cos of it? Ex-h doesn't have a close relationship with his mum because of his upbringing. What does he expect will happen? Makes me so mad that we could be screwing up another generation!

OP posts:
Holly23 · 07/04/2009 11:35

Hi there, my DS is 5 years old and does the same thing, he did used to talk about daddy being mummy's boyfriend again and us all getting a house together but I think he's started to understand this will not happen as he no longer mentions it. Your DD is much younger so will not understand as quick, but she will adapt eventually. It is hard, and thinking of ways to distract her puts more pressure on you. I know someone on a different thread spoke about books for children based on single parent families but I am not sure if they are geared for really young children.
With regards to ex-h, and how your DD will feel about him in the future, well I suppose it depends on how much effort he makes with her with visiting her etc. In any case if you can show your DD through your every day actions that you're happy and have moved on then at least you are doing the best you can to be a positive role model for her.

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