Can it be amicable?????

[teb24]

Hi,

Me and my soon to be ex are now trying to be amicable!!! After 10 years of marriage not being (ha). Can it work especially after a divorce?????

What guidleines do you put in place??

It does feel easier especially as it has been really volitile recently but the air seems to be cleared after he received my petition for divorce, but can you trust them again??

It depends what you have been being unamicable about. If he one of you has been abusive and controlling then it's not worth trying as he will just carry on abusing and controlling you.
If he was useless round the house or monogamy was an issue or the pair of you were basically incompatible as a couple then you may well be able to have an amicable separation.
The thing is, you will be having a new 'relationship' with each other, you won't be partners but you will be co-parents. ANd one good way to think of your co-parent is that s/he is a family member who is what s/he is and you kind of have to put up with his/her funny little annoying ways but you don't have to live with the person any more.

My exh & myself are on very amicable terms. He was awful at times when we were together, but now I don't have to live with him anymore, we get on better than we did when we were married!
He has the boys on a regular basis, doesn't really mess us around, accepts my new relationship, will take boys on weekends that I want to go away with DP etc...only negative is the intense relationship he has with my parents, but I know I am lucky compared to some. If he was messing me around it would be harder, but he has been pretty good.

SolidGold's right: it depends. It's taken us two very careful years to achieve something approaching amicability, and it's still rocky.

There's a difference between 'amicable' and 'friendly' though. Don't set expectations too high.

I don't think I need or will look at expecting too much from him, although last week he asked if we could give it another go and to my surprise took my answer (no) and explanation like a grown up, why couldn't he of been one when we were together I ask!!!

Anyway things have calmed down although we have the divorce to get through I'm sure for the childrens sake we will/or I will try to make it the best for them. I just feel so sad for my son he was 4 weeks old when we spilt and I just can't help feeling he may think it was his fault when he is older, its so heartbreaking for them both!!!

It is very friendly between ex and I, mostly, I think, because we keep repeating a phrase to ourselves as a mantra:

"If you are angry, shut your mouth and postpone discussion"

Now, there were no particular issues regarding the end of our marriage, we just fell out of love. I understand that if there were, things may have been very different.