Does anyone feel like this? Is it wrong?

[poshsinglemum]

I adore dd (9 months)and I love who she is but I cannot help thinking that I wish that somebody else had fathered her - i.e-someone who was responsible, reliable, loving, rich and without the hellish family issues that I might possibly battle against in the future. On the other hand if it wasn't for him dd wouldn't be her and I do love who she is entirely. I am beating myself up about my rubbish choice of men though!

BTW- I am not still with dd's dad- he ran off when he discovered he had created a baby.

I should think that is a perfectly acceptable attitude to have in the circumstances.

It's a bit of a paradox, isn't it?

Total regret for the relationship with the ex on one hand - all that wasted time and effort on a loser twunt who never deserved you in the first place.

But on the other hand, the child whose existence gives you so much more joy and purpose than a mere man ever could. How can you regret the relationship when without it you wouldn't have your little one?

I know exactly how you feel.

The way I look at it, my DD is my reward for the sheer heroism of putting up with the numpty as long as I did.

I agree. I wish someone else had been my ds' mother. She is incapable of putting him ahead of herself and has demonstrated this at every available opportunity.

Of course, the fact she took him away means in her books that she has `won' - because that is obviously how she sees it.

I will never criticise his mother to him, but I have no doubt my ds will one day see things as they are - and that is horrible. If there was anything I could do to stop that, I would.

I think that the best way to look at it is that dd is the best thing that has come out of a relationship.

When I look at her I do see him in some of her features and it dosn't bother me- possibly because I did love him. So in away it's a reminder of a lost love which is quite nice but at the same time it does make me question why my loves don't last.

When I look at her I do see him in some of her features and it dosn't bother me- possibly because I did love him. So in away it's a reminder of a lost love which is quite nice but at the same time it does make me question why my loves don't last.

Burningbright - I think you summed it up perfectly

'Total regret for the relationship with the ex on one hand - all that wasted time and effort on a loser twunt who never deserved you in the first place.

But on the other hand, the child whose existence gives you so much more joy and purpose than a mere man ever could. How can you regret the relationship when without it you wouldn't have your little one'

I feel exactly the same. But I am still regretting wasting time on exp. But my dd does make me feel more loved and much much more loving than any man ever could.

my ds is a complete replica of twunty exp. looks, mannerisms and personality. drives me bonkers. but if it wasn't for twunt features of exp i wouldn't have dd, who is an exact replica of me in everyway too. looks, personality, temper the lot.

i am ashamed to say i have a favourite though

and so does everyone else who knows them

dd is outgoing, friendly and has an amazing ability to make people like her even when she's being a devil and throwing an all mighty strop on the floor of tesco's..

yet ds. goes in a strop and everyone thinks he's spolied and difficult like exp. he's only 3yo and already mastered the art of silent treatment.