Advice needed regarding awkward mum at school

[tetti]

Late last year a new girl joined my daughter's class.She became quite close to my daughter,and her mum asked if we could arrange a playdate.
My daughter can be very shy when it comes to adults,and as she didn't know her new friends family really well,she felt uncomfortable going around there after school(her mum was insisting that my girl would go around theirs,and not the other way around!)
But then my daughter's new friend told her"My mummy told me that I am not allowed to go to your house,and you are not allowed to come to mine anymore",and she was very upset when telling my daughter this.
Funnily enough,this change in attitude from her mother came after she saw my ex,my daughter's dad,picking her up from school.
I was aware that this girl's mum is rather prejudice(she always talks about black people in a very derogatory way),and guess what,my daughter's dad is black(she is fairly fair,and people sometimes think that she's latin american,and it's not obvious that she's mixed race),so I guess she just didn't suss that out until she saw her dad.

I confronted her about it(in a very matter of fact way) the other week(as both girls were upset about not being able to have a playdate),and she looked very squirmish,and just went-Ehm,oh yes,ehm,well,you know kids,aren't they funny!

Then this morning I spoke to another mum(who's daughter's very close to mine),to arrange a playdate.That racist lady came up to us,folded her arms and went"Oh,isn't it funny,you can find the time to arrange a playdate with this child,and not mine!How very peculiar!"

I'm a tad confused here,first she didn't want my daughter to play with hers,and now this little exhibition this morning!

This woman has shown herself to be a bit of a gossip over the last few months(bitching about other classmates homes,the cleanliness of them,being verbal about those in the school who don't dress their kids in designer gear,like she does,etc etc),I just get a very bad vibe from her,and I can just see the way she looks at me,you know,a smirk and a look which says"I'm soo much beter than you darling!"(posh and pretentious isn't the word!)

I don't want our daughter's friendship to suffer,but I really do see trouble spelled on this woman's forehead!
All the other parents are absolutely lovely people,I have no trouble getting on with them whatsoever,but I really cannot deal with this woman,what do I do?!?

Avoid avoid avoid!!!

what a horrible woman. I'd steer clear but have a retort ready if she comes up to you again. Shame for your dd but it does NOT sound possible to arrange for your dds to play together outside school.

run away, she sounds like a right arse

I'm just fuming today.It's so hard when they're in the same class,and one has to see that woman glaring at me every morning.She literally puts on that smirk as soon as she sees me,and even my daughter's asked"Mummy,why does she do that?",wel,what can I say to that? I've started to leave home as late as poss, so that we get to school just as the bell rings,just to avoid her,how sad is that?I've done nothing wrong,but if she keeps rubbing me up the wrong way,I might say something,and for my lil girl's sake,I don't want to do that(also,if I did,I know this woman's gossip would go into overdrive!!!)

I would tell your daughter to make the best of her friend when she is in school during play time.It does not seem to be a situation that will get any better outside school hours.

RUN

Obviously there is nothing to stop the two girls being friends in school but I think you may have to resign yourself to the fact that other than neutral ground (parties, etc) they are not likely to see each other much outside school. IIWY I would also be alert to any signs that she is passing on her odious attitude to her DD.

I would be very surprised if the other parents don't see straight through her so you and your DD should not be short of other friends.

she sounds like a very insecure and trouble-making type of person. I would steer clear. You don't have to be friends with the parents of all your children's friends....just be polite and civil and have nothing to reproach yourself for but don't get involved.

My DD's best friend is never allowed to come to our house (I think it's cultural reasons maybe, her dad is in charge and always says she's busy, has been saying that for 4 years!!) - however she's alovely child and DD adores her. It doesn't matter that they can't socialise outside school; DD has come to accept that she'll never be invited to play at her house.

We go through the motions every time of inviting her to DD's party but she never comes. DD seems to have just accepted it as normal now but it doesn't stop them being best friends.

She sounds like a strange woman!
Probably best avoided.

Thank you all for your advice,just needed someone elses perspective on it all,I was starting to think that I was making a mountain out of a molehill by my reaction to her,but your responses has shown me that I wasn't!

She was always a bit patronising prior to these incidents.She would tell everyone how rich her father is,that he lives in Miami,and is a successfull businessman,bla bla,then she'd go onto say how "cheap" her clothes were(This t-shirt was a bargain,only a £160,can you believe?,and I bought four pairs of Uggs the other day,you can't just have one colour Uggs,can you?").Well,you know the type.
Then she'd go to me"Do you shop at H&M or Primark?,I've heard you can get some great bargains there,£40 for a whole,new wardrobe!"
I couldn't believe the cheek,and just said that I'd never buy designer anyway!(what she doesn't know is that I could actually afford to,I am just not stupid enough to!!!I'd rather put money away for a rainy day,or treat me and my girl to a holiday once a year)

I am just amazed how adults feel the need to resort to this kind of small minded mentality,and yes,I'd call it snobbery.
Yes,I am a single mother,no,I do not own my own home,but I run my own business and provide for my child,and she never goes without anything.
It just makes me sad that my daughter has to experience these kinds of things,just because some people think that social status and the colour of someones skin is more important than what should matter,like what you're like on the inside!(and ironically,I come from a very middleclass background,but she's no idea,so I just have a little chuckle to myself about how she's decided to rjudge the book by it's cover;)

One has to try to just brush it off,and not get angry about it,but it does wind me up like mad!

I think I would be tempted to exaggeratedly roll my eyes whenever she smirked at me

I give her my biggest smile(!),lol

And I am very proud to say...90% of my clothes does indeed come from H&M!!!lol

hhe me being meaner than you woukd said primark no dear i prefer second hand shops

What an awful situation. I would say as a thought perhaps over the Easter hols suggest that a couple of your dd's friend meet for a playdate either at a soft play, bowling or even McDonalds. Maybe just 2 or 3 friends including this one and say that it's also a chance for you all to have coffee together too. It could either show her up for the awful woman she is in front of the other Mums or will give her a chance to be normal and nice. Urgh!!!
Hope it works out for you and your DD. x

When me and my ex used to argue, he'd blow me a kiss with a horrid smirk on his face, then walk out the room. It used to drive me mental. It made me hate him.
Maybe you could blow her a kiss next time she scowls at you?
Or walk past her, and say, "Morning Mrs X. You feeling good today?" say it really loudly with a big smile on your face, and keep her eye contact. It'll make her all uncomfortable, and squirmy.

She sounds awful! Avoid her!