Support thread for people who have been on the wrong end of DV

[OnlyWantsOne]

Can we please?

I know I need some support, to move on and start coping

any one?

Are you still in the situation or left and tying to move on?

left, 8 months ago - trying to move on, now being taken to court for access.

Have horrific dreams, flash backs and on anti depressents. (which is being used against me now - even though I was fine before he hurt me so badly)

I take it you have a solistor. What have they said about using the depression against you? My ex tried to use my depression against me. But solistor said not to worry about it and he wouldnt be able to use it. Do you have proof of his violence, hospital or police reports?

Life does get better. I left 4 years ago after living with it for years. Have now got new home happy kids and a new baby with a new partner! It all fades a bit as you regain your confidence and start living again. Have you got family support?

I have been a victim of DV committed by my ex for over two years. I have been accused of abusing my ds with no evidence forthcoming on account of it not happening. I have been physically threatened by my exFIL. I have had the police called on me and lies told to them, leaving me with the threat of arrest.

He has been used as a weapon to hurt me, a shield against me and a source of income. She has also done the same to my family.

I have gone into (and come out of) depression, working all the while despite my doctor stated I needed time to recover - but couldn't because I needed to fight for my ds' right to a father.

In court I am told I need to consider her feelings.

my ex has no problem admitting his violence, he seems to enjoy the attention. And it's still going on with new partners. Domestic violence course and anger management don't seem to work either for him!

Well done for leaving!! You know you did the right thing. It's brave as its rarely the end of the abuse, but it does make life a LOT easier and happier. Things can only get better. I know it doesn't always feel like it ever will. Give yourself time and space to deal with past events (I felt like I was grieving, I think it was for my lost trust), and credit for what you have achieved for yourself and lo. I'm not sure it ever leaves you entirely, but the fear does subside as you gain confidence and re-discover yourself. The mind games are horrible, but try hard not to worry too much about things he says about you. You know you're a good mum (if you're anything like me, you left to protect lo rather than yourself), and that's what matters.

I don't know the exact details but I think there are support groups and counselling services etc especially for DV victims which will help you to understand that what happened was not your fault and that you never have to put up with shit like this again.

I left 6 years ago.

OWO, glad to hear you found the strength to leave.
I never got counselling, but I did feel that Victim Support, Womens Aid and Refuge to be the best source of help.

DV is a bastard.

I think the problem is that you feel utterly, utterly alone. When my ds was taken from me, when both I and my family were accused of being abusive to my ds, when I had the police called on me for trying to give him an opportunity to spend time with his father, there was (and still is) absolutely no support whatsoever from any official agency.

I am expected just to `get on with it'.

It's a living bereavement. Every day I mourn the loss of my ds. I wonder what he's doing and I often think I would be a complete idiot to even consider wanting to be a father again because I now know that any children of mine can be taken without warning and with no reason - and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I am lucky however - I found a charity (FNF) that helped me cope with things. They have a telephone line for parents (and there are mothers in the same situation) to discuss things and a whole host of services to help in the absence of the government failing to even recognise this nasty form of DV.

(((((((((lostdad))))))))))))))

you're right dv is a bastard. i left 18mths ago and x still being prat. am now going through contact arrangement, have even had my alleged 'godmother' (also his aunty) ask if i knew what I was doing! my reply was i only phoned to ask x to leave dd's abllet bag at your house so we could pick it up. (they won't be in as they had company - i used to live there for 6 mths and their routine has not changed one iota so knew exactly how they spent sundays)it was * behaviour that got him in this situation. goodbye. then promptly hung up.

they left her ballet bag outside, not even in a bag in case it rained.

i am getting counselling. maybe you coudlask your hv what support there is? or even ask docs. please also keep contact diary so you can take this to a solictor.(((((((((((()))))))))))) you will be fine sweetheart xx

I forgot to say one of the things that helped me to move on was realising that whatever he said, actually his behaviour was NOT my fault, because the behaviours of mine that he was trying to blame, were so trivial and ordinary (I took too long choosing goods in a supermarket, I preferred to try and cook from cookbooks rather than improvising). I decided to stop taking it personally, that he would have found reasons to take his anger out on anyone who got as close to him as I had.