Question for a friend ....

[nappyaddict]

Do you insist on meeting your ex's new dp before letting your dc be around them?

IMO it depends whether you still trust your exs judgement, but I think that if you are happy for them to have the DC then you should trust them to introduce them to people.

I personally would not insist on meeting them, but Ex and I are in very early days of separation so is not an issue for me atm, ask me when it happens and my theory may be dramatically overturned

ditto norks.
I don't see it as any of my business. but then I trust him with them implicitly.

What about if he was going to leave them in her care whilst he had to go to work or something? Would you be happy with that if you hadn't met her before?

How would she feel if he was asking to meet her new dp before she introduced their dc to him? I don't think it's something she can insist on. In my case ex had introduced dc to the ow before he had moved out of the marital home.

I def agree with depends on the dad, if he can be trusted, has common sence, is responsible and reliable etcetc with lo.
In my case, lo's dad is useless and has no idea,...and certaintly cant be trusted, (not that id want to) but id 100% without a doubt be meeting his dp if she was going to be looking after dd!!
People may think im OTT but i dont plan on people being around my child that i dont know.

My ex hasn't.

Then again, she wouldn't do. Seeing as she moved my ds in with a man I have never met and told me about it afterwards.

re NW looking after children - in my case I can't see their dad doing this unless he was in a serious long term committed relationship, in which case she would be part of the children's family. And it's not my place to dictate how they spent their time when they are with their father - I would be LIVID if he tried to do this to me, it would be a total lack of trust and respect for my parenting abilities.

But how you feel about it has got to depend on how you trust the father.

I think it depends on your opinion of your xp. Do you trust his judgement? I'm also assuming that if he's leaving them in her care that

a) the relationship is long term
b) your child/ren have met her quite a few times before

my dd's father has never met any of my boyf's but isn't involved in her life.. when he was having access to her I would have gone ballistic if I'd found out he'd left my dd with any of his girlfriends because

a) he went through them like water
b) they were probably nuts
c) she was a baby at the time

So I think it really really depends on your circumstances and you gut feeling on your xp and his judgement

if your children are old enough you could ask how they feel about it