advise needed re contact

[bodgejob]

Hi was wondering if any one could suggest a reasonable contact arrangement with ex partner.

We have 3DC, twin toddlers and DS 5yrs. Ex is full time student living 40mins away . He lives in shared student accomodation. Hasn't a car relies on public transport to visit. He pays me 10 pounds a week maintenence.

His contact has been every saturday 12 until 5 ( fitting around his lie-in )and a wednesday when he turns up at 3pm to excite twins before collecting eldest from school then retuning them all.

Problem is he doesn't have anywhere to take them all and so is spending more and more time at my property . This means I don't get any break at all and dread the days he comes.
Also his parenting skills are questionable so if he does take them to a park for example I worry the whole time as he lets twins on slides unsupervised etc. God i stuggle to keep track of them all and only do such outings with another adult, so how can he be expected to manage?

He was emotionally abusive when we were together and now I feel I can't move on with my life because he is always around. I have been trying to keep peace for the kids by trying to keep things amicable and even helping him with the babes just so he can maintain contact and the children are also safe, but i've had enough. Its all at my expence.

He doesn't provide emotional, financial or practical help so what should I do about this man?

Why not just be honest and tell him its not on, if he whinges that its not his fault where he lives, he hasn't got a car etc, just tell him thats not your problem. Thing is if he said he would take DCs out of your house this means he will be gone for longer. The only other thing you can do is get out the house when he comes round, but its whether you are happy to leave him in your house while you are out. What about his parents do they live within a reasonable distance, could he not take the DCs there instead?

Thanks for replying Holly.

Tried leaving him in the house whilst I go out but it was hard getting him to leave when I returned . Also he trashed every room and I returned to him lounging on my sofa watching footie scratching his balls. He hadn't given babes a drink and I was left more stressed out than ever.

My main concern is the childrens safety . When he arrives both babies are fighting to get out the front door to him . Once he let one escape out of the front gate because he was busy with other two. Luckily I was supervising him with them and I rescued him.

His family live 200 miles away so that not an option and my family hate him for how he's treated me and dont want to get involved.

i had the ex see the dcs at my place when i moved out - it was awful and i started dreading going home if he was there...he would refuse to leave. he began thinking he lived there.

so i know how you feel.

in the end he got crazy, put his fist thru a door etc and i called police and he hasnt been back since - awaiting contact centre contact to be set up.

you need to think of a way forward which is workable.

and have him agree to leave as soon as you come home.

Our local Surestart centre used to have a Dads morning on a Saturday, is there anything like this close to you ??

From what your saying you dont trust him to have the kid alone anyway and would worry about their safety so seems like you supervising in your own home is the only option for you at the moment

Exactly cest, he treats the house as if he still lives here, and none of us can move on. It's difficult because the twins are so young and I hate sending them out to walk the streets with him. I feel if he is here then at least I know they are safer.

That a great idea oldraver . A toddler group type thing would be the perfect environment will look into it.