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Original poster

Please tell me how to handle this...DD having the mother of all strops

27 replies

TequilaMockinBird · 21/02/2009 22:03

DD (11) was at a sleepover last night and apparently only got 4.5 hours sleep . Hence today she is absolutely shattered and not in the best of moods!

At 8pm she was watching Ant and Dec (while chatting to a mate on msn) and I told her that I wanted her laptop turned off and her in bed as soon as it finished - i.e. 9pm.

So, at 9pm she suddenly decides that she is in the middle of transferring music to her mobile from her laptop and so has to wait until its finished. Fine, said I, knowing that the bluetooth would only take a couple of minutes.

I went to empty the dishwasher and let the dog out etc. and at 9.20pm shouted to her to bring the laptop out into the living room and go to bed (otherwise I knew she'd just sit chatting on it for another hour or so!).

5 minutes later I again shouted to her to bring the laptop out and she replied that it was still transferring music . I said to her that if she didnt bring it straight out, that I would go in and get it. If the music was transferring, I could keep an eye on it and then switch the laptop off after.

A few minutes later and still nothing from her, so I went into her bedroom, shut the laptop and took it off her. She screamed at me to get out of her room and then kicked me . I told her that I would not tolerate that behaviour one bit and that she should get changed and into bed and I would deal with her in the morning.

She then came through into the kitchen, smirking . I told her to get back to bed and she replied that she needed a plaster because I'd jammed her finger in the laptop when I shut it. I knew I hadnt but gave her a plaster anyway and sent her off to bed.

I can now hear her in the bathroom emptying the cabinet and throwing all the bottles of shampoo etc. into the bath .

What do I do? How can I make her go to bed? She's never been this bad before and so I'm putting it down to being overtired.

She's also due to go to a birthday party tomorrow afternoon - should I stop her from going?

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LoveMyGirls · 21/02/2009 22:05

I would go up and say unless she goes to sleep now I won't be allowing her to go to the party.

(but you might not want to take my advice because I don't feel like the worlds best mum today tbh)

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 21/02/2009 22:09

I would! And I'd mean it too.

Ewe · 21/02/2009 22:09

Was she talking to a boy? My DSis used to get like that when she was talking to a boy she fancied on MSN.

She used to hide the laptop etc.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 21/02/2009 22:09

you can't make someone sleep, but you can make them get into bed and stay there!

She is taking the piss!

Original poster

TequilaMockinBird · 21/02/2009 22:12

No it's not a boy, it's a girl from her class at school.

She's locked in the bathroom, I've shouted through the door (calmly) telling her to put everything back into the cabinet and go to bed or she won't be going to the party tomorrow.

Will give her a few minutes .....

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Ewe · 21/02/2009 22:13

In that case, she is just being a madam!

Make sure you follow through if you have threatened to not allow her to go to the party - obvious I know! - but my Mum was rubbish at this and boy did we know it

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 21/02/2009 22:17

Oh yes, NEVER make a threat you are not prepared to follow through.

Original poster

TequilaMockinBird · 21/02/2009 22:22

Well she's picked all of the toiletries up, thrown put them back in the cabinet and gone into her bedroom. I told her that I was not happy with her behaviour tonight and that she should think about it with a view to apologising tomorrow.

She replied with 'why should I, I only asked for 2 bloody minutes on the laptop'

I'm seriously thinking about not letting her go to the party anyway for her attitude, swearing and also kicking me!

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littlemissflylady · 21/02/2009 22:26

has she come out yet?
i used to be fabulous at this... my mum used to say she would crownd me...but never di. i agree be firm.
alos tel her tomorrow that you want an appology for the behaviour and that laptop will be conficated untill she does... or even restrict usage untill she completly understnds that what ou say goes.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 21/02/2009 22:32

"Why should I" ? Cheeky sod!!

If it was me, I'd say no apology - no party.

And I'd have to believe the apology too!!

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 22:45

I would leave it until tomorrow now and then discuss her behaviour-tell her that it was unacceptable. If she doesn't give a proper apology I would make her miss the party.

Original poster

TequilaMockinBird · 21/02/2009 23:01

Thanks, yes I think I'll see what happens in the morning. I'm far too annoyed tonight to even look at her anymore!

On the plus side, all has been quiet in her bedroom for the past 15 minutes or so! Hopefully that means she's asleep!

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 23:02

You may find she is completely different in the morning-lack of sleep brings out the worst!

Original poster

TequilaMockinBird · 21/02/2009 23:20

I hope so pisces, I couldn't cope with another night like tonight!

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HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 21/02/2009 23:33

I wouldn't insist on an apology because I don't believe that an apology wrung out of someone on the basis that they will be punished for not apologising, is of any worth whatsoever.

However, if she doesn't spontaneously apologise, I'd confiscate the laptop for a week.

pellmell · 21/02/2009 23:53

My kind of language is this.
"Right you!.....No-one will treat me like that. You are a child and I will not be spoken to like that ..EVER!!!!!
No party for you AND don't you dare try and apologise to me now because it won't work,
TOO LATE"
End of conversation.

nnibnabs · 21/02/2009 23:58

Definately no party. Stick to your guns. As a fellow lone parent I think its v important to carry out a threat. What with having no other bugger around to back us up and all that!

piscesmoon · 22/02/2009 08:10

I would still wait and see what she is like this morning, if she is very apologetic and will talk about it rationally I would be more lenient.
I think that it all hinges on the fact that she got four and a half hours sleep (possibly not even that). I know that I can't cope on only that much sleep- it does make you act out of character.
I would use the first sentence from pellmell but would be open to a proper apology.

pellmell · 22/02/2009 09:30

picesmoon....I agree about the apology actually but I would be saying it because I would want her to know that any apology she does make is to make amends for the behavior and not to buy herself back the party...... kids apologise profusely if they think they will get back something they have had taken away but do not always realise that it is the behavior they need to be sorry for.
Tired or not, I would not be happy to accept an apology alone for behvior as disrespectful as that.

Tequila, I hope you both have a good day
good luck

bigTillyMint · 22/02/2009 09:41

Pellmell, I'm glad it's not only me who gets all feisty

Tequilla, I am in awe of you - calmly dealing with the situation. My DD isn't 10 yet, but she has moments like this. Mainly when she's very tired. I hope she's better today

piscesmoon · 22/02/2009 09:45

I would generally agree pellmell, but in this case there was lack of sleep. If mine don't get enough sleep I always think 'there will be tears before bedtime' and I am usually correct! I would make it perfectly plain that you are not going to be spoken to like that EVER, in the future-however tired.

pellmell · 22/02/2009 10:53

ah, well I have an "under no circs" rule for violence (she kicked her mother)
Yes I agree with lack of sleep bringing about change of character etc but even so....

mummyfantastico · 22/02/2009 11:06

I have to say I agree with pellmell. Strops can be put down to being over tired, but the kick was totally unacceptable.
Good luck tequila!

pellmell · 22/02/2009 11:54

And most of all Tequila....This advice is meant only for this particular incident and is meant to be kept seperate from your normal contact with your dd.
Please don't think my "hard line" and comments mean I think your dd is any different to mine......I believe in kids and i'll bet money your dd is just fabulous normally
[---pellmell walks off with her tough love cap on]

Original poster

TequilaMockinBird · 22/02/2009 12:17

Thanks for the advice and Pellmell, I knew what you meant. I just find it hard to be hard sometimes IYKWIM, I'm far too soft for my own good!

She has got up this morning as if nothing happened . She asked what time we would be leaving to go to the party. I said to her do you think you deserve to go anywhere after the way you behaved last night. She then apologised but I'm not sure whether she was apologising for her behaviour or like another poster has said, apologising because she wants to go to the party.

So, I've told her that i will not accept behaviour like that from her or anybody else and that there are no excuses for it. I told her that she can go to the party but that her laptop has been confiscated for 2 days and she accepted this and once again said that she was sorry.

I would've confiscated the laptop for longer but she gets her school homework on Tuesday and will need the laptop on Tuesday night to complete it!

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