what do i do about out of control twelve year old?

[chainstitch]

who do i call on for help?
he is hitting and being verbally abusive towards younger siblings. they are learning from this behaviour too. there is not one single person in my phone book i can call on to help. not without creating a huge social scene.

Speak to school about the problems your experiencing at home.
theywill then be able to reffer you to local help and advise.

what do i do right now? During half term?

do you have a childrens centre near you? you could go and ask to speak to somneone there, they'd know of local support networks.
also local youth offending teams usually run parenting courses specifically designed for the parents of teenagers. (i know he's 12 but im sure its probably hormonal)

i couldnt use the local childrens centres as i work in that field. and cannot turn up as a client
i am currently training to give one of those parenting courses, although admittedly for younger kids. i know the theory. i just cant seem to put it into practice....

i am sorry i am sounding so ungrateful. i just want to walk out the door, and leave the little sods to their own devices. i have a ton of work that i am supposed to be gettingon with. but cant seem to get started on it.
they need some of the discipline their dad provides. and i have told the sod to bugger off. he wants to come back, and i have told him not to. he is abroad at the moment, and on my say so, staying away for a nother week.

He's turning into a man. It's like re-birth, and it's never easy.

He really, really needs male mentors in his life at this stage. Does he have uncles, or anyone who would fulfil that role?

www.parentlineplus.org.uk/
you could try phoning them for advice.Also make an appointment at the gp for both of you. if nothing else it will make you ds realise that the situation is serious

my bil. i tried phoning him this evening. but he didnt pickup. thats what usually happens with him and his phone.
ds does go to scouts, but no scouts on this week.
i couldnt ask his dads brother, as that is just admitting i cant take care of him.
this is enough reason to get back with dh.

chainstitch -but you are taking care of him properly by being concerned and asking for help.
you sound really down-and that is not a sign of weeknes

weakness- duh

Don't beat yourself up, chainstitch.

He isn't being bad, he's just experiencing huge hormonal changes. He's becoming a man, and he needs, more than anything else in the world, positive male influences in his life right now.

Scouts is good. Look into other areas, too. Maybe some Judo, some Karate? But male teachers only, because that's what he needs right now.

He still loves you to bits, but he needs men in his life. They have to teach him how to be a man.

How long does it take him to calm down? Don't try to tackle him straight away, think PMT - he feels like that all the time. Wait until he has settles down, and has done and finished something else. Can you use hard rewards and hard punishments - such as money/internet time and removal of this?

12 is still a child. He is probably big, and badtempered, but really they are like overgrown toddlers - they need love, and they need VERY firm boundries.

He sounds like he needs some anger management help - I am assuming you have access to the resources in the children's centre, but could you try your local youth offending team? These usually have a resources room and they are staffed by understanding people who may post you something.