how can he be so cruel? long sorry

[mrsmortenharket]

x knwos the state of my budget, after paying out bills etc i have 35 month for housekeeping (including food). i have £1 spare a month. i took dd to get her feet measured yesterday it cost 18quid for her shoes as one foot is slightly bigger than the other. we had previously agreed that he would pay for ballet fees, school shoes and uniform as he has ft job and earns over 1500 month. after sending him a message telling him what her shoes would cost and that i needed 18 quid from him, he said ok, he has now turned round and said that he will only give me half towards the shoes. he is doind this becasue he thinks i am seeing someone and that i should ask him for money towards paying for his daughter. wtf do i do now? i was sobbing nearly all night after dd had goen to bed and am crying now.

mrsmorten - sounds like it just gets better!

good luck getting anywhere with the csa - when i finally asked them to have a go they said i didnt qualify for a penny - i obviously need to have a few more kids

as mush as i dont get on here much these days i'll go along with lulu. i remember all too well being skint on IS before i got back to work.

i dont CAT either so if you have an old hotmail address - or just make up another - and want to get in touch i'll happily cover school stuff for your dd, is no big deal, i do a lot of overtime. my boss is also a single mum - tho a millionairess - and is happy to let me work all i can.

and i noticed your thread more by your name than anything. reminded me of happy days in a pub in minehead with my ex, watching my first ever video jukebox thing - and it was 'take on me' .

that was over 20 years ago!! no wonder i feel old!

i remember the video take on me

it does get better he now threatening to stop maintenance. he says if you don't let me see dd (he was going to keep asking her therefore upseeting her a lot more(emotional blackmail is the way he works and i won't put her through that) why she won't talk to him - err, look in the mirror at the way you talk to me you t**T). he calls it my (as in money for mrsmh)money not what he should pay for his daughter. feckless feckwit.

that other people are offering help (tho it is much appreciated btw please don't take it wrong) when it should be him paying.

why is this thread flipped??????

didnt mean to offend or cause you

i know of far too many absent parents who dont seem to get the hang of the fact theyre a parent (mum or dad) and all it offers or how much it can mean to them.

as for maintenance - a dodgy subject! i work far more hours than i should and have only ever had a £3 giro in maintenance ( and i think that was an error!) i think every absent parent should pay a fair amount and then whatever extra they can for treats ,prezzies and the boring stuff when needed.

hope you can get some sense with your solicitor. it took me three goes to find a decent one. the first was an old fella that said dont do anything she might come back - tho he wasnt far off the truth! the second said just give her the kids and house, will make life much easier. only trouble there was they didnt fit her lifestyle. the third was a tough old bird who wasnt impressed with the situation and went on a mission. so there are good ones out there, is like all things, some are just lazy and see it as hard work.

so have fun and stick it out for what you deserve for you and dd.

Knob head would deprive his child of shoes for some stupid game? What a wanker.

mrsmortenharket, I agree with others that you need (and seem to be in recent posts) to rise above it and not let him know the impact it has on you. It is a nightmare when you are reliant on money from x partners just for the basics & it makes me very angry that some people use money as power without actually considering the consequences for their children.

what bothers me is the small amount of money you have for housekeeping for the month. Of course you can't afford school shoes! Agree with others you need to check that you are getting what you are entitled to.

Can I also suggest that you go to your local CAB. They will know of local charities that provide grants for people in need in the area and in my experience school uniform is something people often claim for. If you do it now you will have money to buy new school uniform in September and you won't need to ask for money from x. You haven't mentioned debts and please don't be offended if you have none but if you do have debts and are on benefits you should only be making token payments as min monthly payments can not be maintained longterm in this situation.

good luck

singledad there was no offence given so none taken

winnie - there are no sizeable debts (thank god) am going to see solicitor tomorrow so hopefully will get better one there (last one i only saw her once and then the next time got a deputy - i understand sols are busy but when you have to keep saying abc from a, it gets bit wearisome! esp when the deputy said i had to toughen up. last heard from them in september, so am now seeing different one. 3 guesses why?!

as for grants, i am receiving support from a local group (wrt to domestic abuse) and they helped me apply for grant from family welfare - this wasn't granted as they had run out!!) oh well. i am not seeing anything as prob, just a challenge that i have to find ways round.

i think in the one hand, x is trying to make me go back with him adn that's why he's trying to maek things awkward for me as far as poss and that he is very jealous that i can and will manage without him.

the main thing on my mind at the mo, is that i may lose the house. no big deal but it is the first house i have ever rented. the current landlord has said that if i do lose the house, then i can still stay in the flat (which would please x no end as he would know where i am) but it's not really what i want to have to do.

there was somehting else i was goingt o write but i can't remember now! oh yes. I HATE PACKING!!!! (thre's too much of it, and the ou course, running flat, looking after dd (tho not in that order or priority)...

got to sols this morning and guess what? they had to postpone appt as there was an emergency one this morning. hmmph. at least it means more time i can pack instead of being on mn. still nto sure if x is going to stop maintenance tho. can i get attachment on his earnigns to maek sure this doesn't happen again?

he was half hour late this afternoon(for dd)

his reply? you're lucky i turned up at all