Any advice on how I can sort out contact arrangements for DS?

[curlygal]

I am fed up with Ex messing around with the arrangemetns for him to see DS and would like to get something sorted out so I know where we stand.

Ex is unreliable and lazy and sees DS when it suits him, which isn't great as I need to arrange childcare.

I now work part time so am able to collect DS from nursery early a few days a week, when ex used to do it.

I woudl like to make an arrangement where he collects him one day a week but he won;t do this as he says he never knows his work hours.

Is it possible to arrange a contact agreement without a solicitor? I can;t afford one but would like to get this sorted out as DS loves seeing his dad and has been let down too much lately.

If the ex won't be pinned down to anything then I don't see what can be done.....sorry,no advice except maybe attend mediation?

I have suggested mediation to him but he is not interested as apparenlty problem is not him it's me.

I am probably being niave as a peice of paper saying htat he shuold collect his son at 11am every thursday won;t make him change!

Yes but just for a while maybe two weeks or so, don't change any arrangements to suit him. Don't drop everything to let him see dc. When dc want s to see him dial his number and let him talk to him let him explain why and when (if he is old enough) And ALWAYS say that you can't get him there/do it that time as you're doing something but can do it thais time. Be so accommodating on your terms.

well... i was in this situation with my ex...

I sat down calmly and told ex that it was in DS's best interests to have a regular and set schedule of visits.

As a father he has a duty to do what is best for his child. Get him to suggest a schedule that will suit him and then discuss it with him. It will only get worse as your DC gets older because irregular contact will confuse DC.

I would sort it now.

Thanks everyone

He doesn;t really listen to me when I try to explain things, he acts like I am being unreasonable. Is just so wearing.

I'm going to try just telling him the hours that DS is at nursery and say "let me know which day you wish to see him" and that will be that - I am fed up with trying to arragne nursery round Ex, am already paying for tons of extra hours when he is off work, just because he can;t be bothered getting in touch to tell me he'd be able to take DS.

Will give it a try and see what happens...

Just seen this curlygal, I'm beginning to thin think we may be living parallel lives as I am in a similar situation with my XP..anyway!

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but I think you having to stop hoping your XP will reasonable and responsible about access.

Is it possible at all to rearrange your hours so you don't have to rely on him to pick up your DS?

Failing that, is there a good friend who could do it? I do appreciate that might not be an option for you.

Are the nursery sympathetic?