can a casual thing become a more serious relationship?

[cheekysealion]

ok so things moved on between us he says he has feelings for me and loves spending time with me etc..... but doesnt want a serious relationship ATM.... he feels his outlook on relationships has changed due to his previous relationship history....

We have not gone all the way but do have lovely intimate moments together....

but i am not sure i can handle a casual basis fling.... i am not needy or desperate and happy being single but dont want to compleatly fall for him and he doesnt fall for me..

when we are apart he regularly contacts me it isnt just a call up at the weekend for action!!!

i guess i have 2 options

1- carry on as we are in the hope it becomes more? and he will want a relationship

2- stop the intimacy between us in the hope he misses it.... (at the moment he has the perfect senerio gets a bit of action but no commitment!!!

Can anyone help????

thankyou

I think putting up and hoping for change is really risky. DH was a casual fling and when I realised I was falling for him I told him I thought it was best we end it before I got hurt. This panicked him and he went from not wanting a girlfriend one day to asking me to move in the next. It's a gamble but I think you need to let him know that it isn't working for you as it is. It might be the spur he needs.

Sorry, meant to add good luck.

Ditch him.
he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
You deserve better than mixed signals and being mucked around.

DH told me he didn't want a relationship...12 years later we are now happily married

i think you need a break, even go as far as saying what puzzlerock said. you don't want to be heartbroken do you...
let him come to you if he does want a relationship.

Hi CSL!
i'd cut your losses and run personally
he's giving you mixed signals
this seems to be a reoccuring thing with men doesn't it
why is it that us women are mostly sorted before we return to the dating/relationship scene
and yet most men seem confused/scared etc?

my ex bf was meant to be a casual fling but turned serious

i told him i was going to stop seeing him as it felt different to how we agreed, spent a couple of weeks apart then he found a reason to come see me and we were together for 9m til he emigrated

my dh was a casual .. til we both, more him actually, decided that we would give it a go - 19 years ago this week!

Agree with the majority here. Girls just aren't cut out for casual and hoping that a guy will change could mean years of frustration and unhappiness. What does he mean by not wanting a serious relationship though? It could mean he's happy to have an exclusive, respectful relationship with someone and to just see how it goes without thinking about the long-term too much. That's not exactly a casual fling is it?

Well at least he is being honest and not letting you think this could lead to more but that doesnt make it right for you.. If he is adamant this is as far as it goes and you feel you getting more involved and will want more then I dont think you have any option than to cool it before your feelings get too much

Have to say for me I think this would be an ideal scenario, but I know from past experience that it ok telling yourself you wont get involved but sometimes it hard not to let your feelings kick in

thanks for all you thoughts.... still dont know which route to take with him.....

If we were not getting intimate together we would just be friends but i am not sure how we can go back to just being friends after this has happened between us now...

I know he has been badly hurt in the past but so have i - I have delt with it and been happlily single for 3.5 years but now feel ready to take the chance again...

Still not sure whether to go with the flow and see where we go and end up...

Or stop all intimacy with him....