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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

cafcass, courts, visitation, access, anything help

11 replies

V1 · 11/02/2009 20:05

Hi, new to this - split up with ex nearly 2 yrs ago. domestic violence (physical stuff) 90% proven on court hearing.
Cafcass appoint guardian for child
now want in depth interviews with both and phyciatric evaluations, visit to nursery, child evaluations over next 7 weeks then back to court to see what or if any more stuff needed.
I just want to get on with my life and not have to relive everything over and over. This cafcass person wants the 'feelings' that I've locked away and I dont want to give that.
She did an initial home visit 2 hours later I was in pieces and she said that she wasn't going in depth as not to upset me in front of little person!!!!
Has anyone any experience here

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 11/02/2009 20:09

About to go through what you are! Sorry, no advice. But will watch your thread with interest.

V1 · 11/02/2009 20:12

It feels like your constantly the victim and no one really believes you. My brief is fantastic and I have been fortunate to have the same one throughout. She say's I have all the cards in my hand and to keep cafcass on side. How can you do that when you know deep down that another 'session' with her is going to result in me feeling really bad again. She's after that 'why haven't you cried' is a question she wanted answering

OP posts:
fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 20:14

I am now nearing the end of a 3 and a bit year court hearing over access.
also Dv involved. my case has been made more difficult as Ds is SN.

Thankfully our CafCass officer was proven incompetent pretty early on so we were able to dismiss them and used an independant social worker instead.

TBh i would suggest that you ask for future meetings to be held without your Dc there as if you are likely to get upset they need not see it.
I would also speak to someone about getting you some counselling. CAFFCASS are very hot on us 2moving forward" and not dwelling on past experiences how very easy it must be for them, huh.

Do you have a solicitor? i would ask them to speak to caffcass on your behalf if they can

fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 20:15

x post.

tell her that you have cried, a lot no doubt. just that you chose not to do it in front of a relative starnger and uyour yojng child.

V1 · 11/02/2009 20:25

Cafcass has threatened that she has the ability to have my Ds taken into care if she felt there was a risk involved!!
She wants me to go to her office and not have child present I presume so she can 'take the gloves' off!
I am a very single parent no family support and only really one friend who has been very kind to collect from nursery etc when I have to go to court. I dont want to over do my child care help and there are other complications as they have a SN child and too much disturbance in his routine is not good.
Life!!! Can I take someone into meeting as support??

OP posts:
fattiemumma · 11/02/2009 22:07

you can take anyone you like but the Cafcass woman will probably ask that they wait outside while your being interviewed.

she does indeed have the ability to tell court you aren't coping and to have the child made a ward of court.

i am fairly certain that you are coping very well indeed. you have been through a very traumatic ordeal and survived.

what you need to do now is to jump through as many hopps as this woman puts in front of you. Give Womens aid a call and see if you can find a local counsellor or group session for women who have survived DV.
it will show her that you are aknowledging what you have been through and are looking to deal with the stress it has caused you in a positive way.

N1 · 12/02/2009 01:41

What is the ex asking for in court? Do you oppose his application?

Why was a guardian appointed? Their appointment seems to make matters worse (in some cases) rather than better.

How old is the child?

To answer about the "care" issue. The child can only be removed from your care if there is a risk of harm or a likely risk of harm. The threat of care is usually a bully tactic by guardians (and CAFCASS reporters).

It might be worth looking up "private law pathways". It's the new strategy that CAFCASS should be moving to following. The theory sounds good but you need a helpful CAFCASS reporter, which by the sounds of it, you don't have.

Guardians and CAFCASS seem hell bent on making every court application for contact work, regardless of if the child gets hurt.

I tend to avoid parental disputes because getting to the truth isn't easy (I am sure CAFCASS have the same problem), but "out of control" CAFCASS guardians seem to be springing up all over.

Most people fall into the trap of being over cooperative and saying to much. You might be better off listing all the things you can remember saying and keeping to talking about the list they know about, otherwise you are going to be spending years in counselling about getting over DV and learning about how to choose your partners better. If anything, you are better off looking up progects like the freedom project so you can get your own "help" just to prove to the GAL that you have done the course.

If the GAL can't show that you are harming the child, they need you to admit to harming the child, so if you give evidence in court, be careful about how you answer, though also be truthful. The GAL needs you to admit to harming the child before they can start care proceedings.

Having a good brief does help.

good luck.

V1 · 12/02/2009 20:26

Thanks
Ex is asking for pr and I think to have birth certificate changed and his name added (not on by his choice), asking for access and thats it I think.
Child in 2 1/2 - cafcass appointed guardian apparently it was an unusual move by judge at this stage, because of the nature of the violence and our 'disagreement'.
I had over 50 items on the fact find on the schedule with a 90% success but it was not an exhaustive list. I have always been open and totally honest.
I cant keep revisiting those feelings but it looks like they want the raw gritty stuff, which i want to forget.
apparently my brief says they want to see how i would cope with any form of access as any impact on me would effect the child.
I know i'm low they have already said that they think the child is outgoing and happy, but then she critised me for putting the child's needs totally before my own!! i just feel i cant win - i dont trust her and she confuses me and i cant seem to answer before she onto the next bit. she said she wants to get behind the barriers.
she also thought that i would have to have a good counsellor as i was a strong candidate!
everything was negative which doesnt help when my self esteem is in a huge pit!

OP posts:
V1 · 12/02/2009 20:28

oh and yes i appose everything he is requesting - he never wanted it in the first place and was most unpleasant to ensure I did as i was told. I dont believe him, I dont believe he has interest in the child he has told me in the begining i will not win and I think that this is a fight because he will not allow me to win as he sees it.
I just want him to go away and let us be.

OP posts:
V1 · 12/02/2009 20:29

and my guardian is a cafcass person if that makes any difference

OP posts:
N1 · 15/02/2009 03:34

Arguing against PR is a pointless. If the man is the father, he is very likely to get PR. I know of one case (just heard) where the father didn't get PR. Principally, the process of PR should be a "yes" or "no" answer.

Ex can put his own name on the birth cert if he gets a court order.

Guardian appointments have changed slightly In Sept 2008 the guidelines changed to allow any Judge to appoint a guardian if they felt it was nessesary. I guess the increased guardian appointments will be a bit more common. In addition, there is more LIP parties coming to court now, which might offer some explanation about the guardian being used more.

Guardians and DV is an annoying issue with in it's self. If they think you need help, they expect you to take the offer. If you don't, you are "wrong" and unreasonable, even worse, guardians twist the argument into being that if you can't accept good help for you, you can't for your child as well. If you complain about them, you have something wrong with you...like a personality disorder - or something.

The past DV that you want to forget, the GAL wants you to learn to deal with and not forget, even though the GAL represents the child and not you. The GAL just twists things in such a way because you look after the child so you need all this therapy or counseling. While I am not giving advice here, the less guardians (or CAFCASS) know, the better off children and parents are. Obviously if the info is already know, you can't do anything about the problem. Keep in mind, this is my opinion and I am not giving advice.

I personally wouldn't trust a guardian. They have to befriend you, then when you tell them more than what you wanted to, they use the info against you and you are full of regret - and it's to late.

The simple solution is for you to get your own counseling and get proof that you don't need it anymore. Keeping the issue out of court does make a difference.

The talking over you is to try to get you to give more info under pressure, so they can chip away. The thing there is to slow the interrogation right down. Start writing the answer down so you know what you want to say, then answer the next question. Play ignorant till you have written all your points down. By the time you get to the third question, the guardian has to change tactic. Probably try to tell you not to write complete answers.

The alternative is to write the questions down, then write back to the guardian with written answers, that way they get the full answer. You might have to use recorded delivery and confirm that the GAL got your letter.

You might want to find out about what level of access the father wants, so you know what he is actually asking for. The aim is to get to some sort of agreement. Guardians tend to want everyone wanting what they want, regardless of if it's what the child or parents want. Which complicates the problem a bit more. Still the starting point is the father because he is the applicant and he should have an idea of what he wants.

There is no point opposing everything possible - you need to know what he wants, so you know what you are opposing. There might be some things you could agree to.

Sadly saying that the father wasn't interested at the start means that he isn't interested now isn't an argument that the court accepts. The father making an application to court is seen as commitment - whether or not you agree, that's what a Judge would see. A Judge can only make an order for "no contact" if there is clear evidence that the father will hurt the child and the child is in danger. You are better off looking for a way to make things work. The working might not be ideal but toloratable. To make matters worse, some fathers don't bother after they get a contact order. It might not be the same with your ex.

Keep in mind that there are a few good CAFCASS workers. Sadly the good ones who work in an open, clear and transparent way are so few.

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