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Original poster

going on holiday with ex

14 replies

FrostyTheSnowgirl · 07/02/2009 22:40

my ex p has recently split up with his gf and asked out of the blue if me and our ds would go on holiday with him

opinions!!!x

OP posts:
oscarthegrouch · 07/02/2009 23:11

is he wanting to get back together with you?

hmm tricky one

naughtalessnickerless · 07/02/2009 23:13

In my opinion, it would depend. If you had 2 rooms. (or at least 2 beds, and ds kipped in with one of you) then it would be OK. BUT, you must be sure that he is not using you as a rebound, as that could mess with your little ones head ... a lot!!

hermionegrangerat34 · 07/02/2009 23:15

Might be nice for your ds?
A friend of my ds had parents who were divorced and they all holidayed together every year - it was all VERY amicable though!
I would def. plan on sleeping separately!

N1 · 08/02/2009 02:40

An ex is an ex for a reason.

If the holiday was the type of holiday you would go on with friends, then I can imagine the holiday to be really good. More so for the child.

If the ex has more than holiday and friends in mind, I think you would be wise to be very clear about what happens and specifically what doesn't happen so everyone knows where they stand.

2kidzandi · 08/02/2009 03:16

Hi Frosty!

This is just my rubbish opinion, but I would proceed with caution. On the face of it, it might seem very nice, especially if you get on. It SEEMS like it would be good for ds. But you have to think about what might happen, what signals you will be giving if you agree, what his agenda might be, and where it could lead to in the future. If you agree to go, he may interrpret that as a desire for you to eventually get together and be a family again. Great if thats what you want and he's SINCERE. Then again, he may be sore over his ex and seeking comfort with you and ds company. Personally, if his offer is just a reaction to a series of events, it will only make it harder for your ds to accept that you're not a "typical nuclear" family if you spend too much time together as though you are one. You may think that you can spend large amounts of time with each other and remain neutral friends, but keeping the boundaries is difficult when there's the emotional tie of a child. If you wouldn't mind the idea of getting back together in the future, make sure he is'nt falsely raising your hopes.

If you do go, have fun

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/02/2009 03:35

Just recently you were fretting on here about access etc.

No, please don't go on holiday with him.

PurpleOne · 08/02/2009 15:05

IMVHO I wouldn't go.

I'd ask him if he could take the DC's on holiday instead, and I would stay at home.
Then he gets 'daddy time' and mum gets 'free DC time'. I'd be more worried about the DC's thinking that we were getting back together, then the holiday itself.

Leslaki · 08/02/2009 15:19

I'd steer clear - agree totally with the Purple One!! Could send totally the wrong message to your DC and your x.

Pinkchampagne · 08/02/2009 19:54

I wouldn't personally.

littlemissflylady · 08/02/2009 20:09

Hi! i recently enteed into this death trap...and it was just for the weekend, seperate rooms etc. i would say DO NOT GO THERE...as previously said you are seperated for a reason, plus it can confuse DS.

Niceguy2 · 09/02/2009 14:33

Depends on what your relationship normally with him is like.

A few months after I split from my ex, i invited my kids mum to come for a weekend at Centerparcs with us. We had seperate rooms and it was nice. It can work but we've both moved on and had several years to move past the bitter feelings.

So in short, yes it can work as long as you trust his intentions are genuine and that you won't confuse your son. If you think he's just after a leg over then forget it

lottysmum · 10/02/2009 07:31

Hi

In the first few years that i split with my ex we holidayed together quite allot. Always separate rooms...but we still get on very well and share care...I suppose it;s how mature you are ... and how you ensure that your child understands that it is just a holiday.

We haven't holidayed together for a while now, but plan to probably go to Florida with our daughter because it's a special holiday...it just becomes very difficult if either of you have a partner.

Lmccrean · 10/02/2009 18:01

Maybe he has wanted to do it for a while, but hasnt til now because it was awkward since he had a GF.

It could be nice for you to have some time to lounge by the pool/on beach etc and know that your xp will watch out for your ds. As long as you make your intentions clear, Im sure there wouldnt be a problem.

Ivykaty44 · 10/02/2009 18:04

How old is your dc?

The dangerous part of this is if the child thinks or hopes that the going on holiday together means mummy and daddy will get back together - this is 99% of childrens dreams come true after parents split.

It can be done and I have a friend that did, she set down ground rules first and was very blunt with the children/teenage that mum and dad would not be getting back together.

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