XP backed out of weekend access AGAIN, dd devastated-I need to rant!!

[Pawslikepaddington]

DD's father is meant to see her every two weeks. I had to do EVERYTHING to get her there and back, and pay for it all, so stopped doing it, and since then he has seen her twice since September (one of which she stayed at her grandma's house, as he wasn't at home when I got to his house (he forgot he was having her so went to the pub and got blotted, after I had driven for 4 hours and rung him (or rather his answerphone) numerous times!) and he saw her for 1/2 hour.

Dd mega excited about seeing Daddy tomorrow, and he has backed out AGAIN! I don't normally tell her, but she overheard a conversation this week and so found out. I could kill him.

First excuse-he had been told today he had to move out on Saturday, so needs to move house instead .

When I countered that with her staying at her grandma's he said the conditions were too treacherous. I said I would take the train, and as a one off do both trips (I am meant to take her up and then return home (8 hr round trip), and then he brings her home on the Sunday.) This is another reason why access isn't working, as I used to do both trips and he is too fecking lazy to bring her home, so doesn't want the hassle and therefore comes up with excuses every time.

He then said that he couldn't afford to pay for his own petrol due to house move (He is meant to pay for mine too as I get no maintenance and am on Income Support level of income, so £40 in petrol is a lot, but he never has) and could I pay for both trips, which he knows I can't do, and therefore means the trip won't happen. His mother said that she would pay for petrol/train tickets if needs be, but he has refused to ask her.

I have two meetings on Saturday which I will now have to cancel, so will look like a complete idiot, and he then had the cheek to ask for her over half term. There is no way I am taking her out of playscheme I have paid £100 for for him to turn round the night before and say he can't have her. I am SO !!

Feel free to rant you're more than justified
he's upsetting your dd and he's messing you about
sadly there seem to be many similar tales on here
not quite sure what to suggest without having to go down the legal route tho
but you have my sympathy by the bucket load

I think you're being too accommodating, and he's taking advantage. I was in a similar position some years ago, and decided that the only way was to be firmer.

So ask him to commit now to the dates he will have your DD over the forthcoming year. State that he will need to do the pick up at the start of the weekend, and you will collect at the end. (My exH used to claim his car had problems so I would end up doing both journeys).

If he says he won't or can't commit to all the dates, then say that if he requests a weekend at least 3 weeks beforehand, then you'll do what you can do accommodate it, but that you will make no other commitments. Tell him that if he continues to change his mind at the last minute, then he will need to go to court to get access formally agreed, as that behaviour is not fair on your DD, and as much as you want her to see her father, it has to be consistent or not at all.

He has to step up to regular access, or say he doesn't want to bother. You need to know which it is, so that you can set expectations with your DD properly. It's possible that he won't want to bother, in which case I would just leave it.

My DDs now see their father for a week at every half term and in every holidays. He decided that the weekends were just too difficult. They speak to him on the phone and seem happy with the arrangement. (we are 10 years on now).

Would your DD's Grandma be interested in regular access? Could you agree your DD spend a weekend with her once every 2 months or so, as a separate arrangement? I do think it's a shame when grandparents miss out.

Good Luck - I know it's a really hard situation to be in, but I think you have already gone out of your way.

Do what C says. I have to assume mine will never see the five of them and plan accordingly, never had some of them even for one night and lives 5 minutes away. Never pays anything either. The 2 hours on Sunday with 2 of them are pathetic in his case.

In your case yes do as C says.

Try other ways she can be in touch too. One of my 10 year olds uses skype or MSN plus web cam a lot not that his father does but his father does text him since he got his own phone.

I agree with Cosette too.
If he can't be arsed, he doesn't deserve her and she doesn't deserve to have her expectations dashed.
I think you have gone above and beyond for the sake of your dd and he has just let you.

Thanks you lot-I went to bed in the end, and as it turns out dd is too poorly to travel anyway. It just makes me so how useless they are, and then they belittle women and scoff at "the fairer sex" etc. We have a good weekend planned now at least!